I am dating a wonderful Lebonese Muslim man. I am Christian, and he doesn't expect me to convert and has never asked me to either. We expect to get married and start a family eventually. He has said that he expects the children to be raised Muslim not matter what, no questions asked. I don't think that is fair to me or my faith whatsoever! What do you think I should do?!
2007-12-01 09:40:49 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You can't really raise the child as both Muslim and Christian. While the child may be exposed to both, you're probably going to raise him as one or the other. (He can't believe that both Jesus and Mohammed were the final prophet) So one of you is going to lose here. If both of you are adamant about raising a child in your own faith, then the simple fact is you're not going to work as a couple.
Marriage is about compromise. Sometimes you can find a middle ground, and sometimes one side or the other is going to have to give in. If your BF appears overly stubborn to you on this issue, you may want to consider if he's going to be unwaivering on other issues as well and consider whether this is really going to work.
2007-12-01 09:47:46 · answer #1 · answered by Nightwind 7 · 7⤊ 3⤋
As salaamu 'alaikym.
Insha'Allah, if you are "dating" a Muslim man he has forgotten to practice part of Islam , as in not mixing with members of the oppostie sex except under strict and traditional guidelines. That he has been doing this for a year is even more problematic.
You well know that he is calling himself a Muslim (only Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala, knows if he a Muslim or not) and that he expects his children to be brought up as Muslims.
If you can not or will not abide by this, do not marry him.
Ma'a salaam
2007-12-02 05:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by Big Bill 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it is so easy to give up things to make love work. But with time it gets old, and if inside you something doesn't sound right, then believe me it will only get worse with time and when the kids come. Talk it further with him. What does he mean by growing up Muslim? Does he mean you won't be able to buy them Christmas presents and have a tree? If so and if that bothers you, you really shouldn't be getting married. Learn about Islam, if you can't agree with what you find out, if that doesn't work for you, then even if you are in love, try to end the relationship. Better now than later when you have kids. Best of luck to you!
2007-12-01 14:45:09 · answer #3 · answered by lou 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If it is important to you that your children share your faith then you and your partner have to discuss this NOW. It's not a Christian/Muslim thing, it's a relationship thing. It would be no more fair or unfair if you were to make a similar demand that your children should be raised as Christians.
You have to, between you, agree such a potentially important issue about your future children before your relationship goes any further. This issue will not go away.
He has done the right thing by telling you how he feels about this matter. You must do the same without delay.
2007-12-01 09:48:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 2⤋
What I say may sound harsh but I promise you that it comes from my heart and I hope it leads to some reflection by you...
If your faith was so important to you why would you put yourself in the position to fall in love with somebody of another faith?
If you feel that your children would not be saved unless they were Christian how can you marry a non-Christian (even if you got your way and your kids were raised as Christians)??? Wouldn't you be terribly hurt that your husband wasn't saved? Wouldn't you be terribly hurt that the father of your children wasn't saved? Wouldn't your kids be hurt that their father wasn't saved?
Do you see where I am going? I am only trying to be honest but you need to do some serious soul searching.
In Islam we accept that *some* Christians will attain paradise but once one knows (truly knows) about Islam they must accept it. It is because of this that men can still marry women of the book with their children taking Islam as their faith. (Muslim women cannot because children take the faith of the head of the household - the man).
Christians do not believe non Christians will attain paradise. Do you see the difference? In Islam we accept you as you are, but you don't accept us.
How can anyone marry somebody they think will surely end up in hell? It doesn't make any sense to me whatsoever. How can you bring somebody into your home that was destined for hell? The man IS the head of the household - even in Christianity. So....you will be putting somebody destined to hell as head of the household.
Now, if you don't think he is destined to hell....then why does it hurt you to have kids that won't be destined to hell as Muslims either?
2007-12-01 23:47:15 · answer #5 · answered by Amber 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you should have expected a Muslim man to make that demand. The control of the husband is major in the Muslim faith and you may not be converting, but you will be living in a Muslim household, trust me. So you will need to know a lot more about their faith before you marry him, because even the "liberal" Muslim stance on the position on women is not something western women or Christian women would usually go along with and here was your introduction. If you divorce later, he would use the issue of faith to take the children. His family will be hating on you big time unless you convert, too. His mom, his sisters, his sis-in-law - all the girls will be constantly on you about not being "proper" or good enough for him. So you need to talk to some women who have negotiated this course successfully and you need their advice on what they actually had to do from a faith and relationship standpoint before you take this relationship with him any farther. You can try YA for Christian women who are in successful marriages with Muslim men, and you can ask him to put you in touch with some Christian wives of Muslim men so you can get some answers and advice. You can also ask about it at the local Islamic center - if none of those sources can find you anyone....you have an answer.
2007-12-01 09:51:01 · answer #6 · answered by Amy R 7 · 1⤊ 5⤋
This is the serious problem with marrying someone outside your religion. He has every right to want his children raised in his religion, just like you have every right to want to raise your children Christian.
You can't change his mind, religion is a very tricky subject. If he won't compromise, which I'm assuming he won't, then you shouldn't either. You have a right to raise children the way you want. This sounds like a deal breaker to me. I suggest that if you want Christian children you find a Christian man, or one who is nonreligious and doesn't mind raising religious children. Good luck, I know whatever you do it'll be a hard choice.
2007-12-01 09:52:12 · answer #7 · answered by sushi_lover 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Fair, no. Unusual, no. You should take a long hard look at the situation before committing. You know what he's expecting of you. If you don't want to compromise yourself or your faith, then getting out now may be the best for both of you--and any future children. Whether or not WE think it's fair has no bearing on your situation.
2007-12-01 09:44:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
If you are a Christian, you should only date people you should marry. Other Christians.
I'm sure he's very nice, but he's not the husband for you.
Dang right that's not fair to you or your faith, and doesn't his insistence (the no questions asked thing) show you how important YOUR opinion on a subject is going to be in the future -- it won't be just this one thing, you can be sure of that.
What I think you should do is enjoy going out with him, but also date others. Eventually, though, you need to break it off with him and let him find a Muslim woman to marry, while you find a Christian.
What are you thinking--do you want to live a life of having to deny your Savior??
2007-12-01 09:46:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 4⤋
It is fair, he is telling you before hand. It is required in Islam that a Muslim man be responsible for his children being raised as Muslims and he can only marry women of the book if they agree that their future children will be raised as Muslims. He will be asked on the day of judgment if he followed this or not, he is responsible for his family and it is a very important duty for Muslim men as head of the household.
If you cannot accept this then you should end things immediately. He shouldn't even be dating anyway.
edit: and to those who said SHE has to convert to Islam to marry him --- you are completely mistaken! This is NOT true!
2007-12-01 13:14:27 · answer #10 · answered by Sassafrass 6 · 9⤊ 3⤋