Am I a bad family member?

Question

Let's just say my immediate family has drained me of over $20K this year alone, their situation keeps getting worse and everyone keeps running to me to bail them out. The only money I have left is for MY family and my needs. I can't do this anymore... I cut them off, I'm stressed out, I don't even want to answer their phone calls anymore, I love them, but they're wigging me out. What do you all think? What should I do?

The more I give...the more they need

Answer 1

First of all, no one can make you feel a certain way, you are responsible for you, your feelings, and how you handle things. Believe me, I know. I use to always acuse others of "giving me a headache, making me mad, causing me to be stressed out, etc.," when in actuallity, it's how I am reacting to what is going on. I bring on a lot of things myself as it sounds like you do. I'm trying to learn not to be so quick to give to family all the time as well. It's draining me financially and half the time, I feel I'm not appreciated. My poor husband and I do nothing for ourselves because "I" keep doing for my family and our family live out on their own. I am doing it myself as are you. I am guilty of giving in and going against how I am REALLY feeling. I have decided to contact each of my family members and explain how "I" am feeiling and how "I" am having to make some changes in my life in order to prepare for my future with my husband. It's strange becuz sometimes my son says I'm trying to buy his love yet he still charges or the family complains soooooo much about their debts, having no money, etc. I feel guilty so I try to help out which sets me and my husband back.

I too love my family as you do yours. But... we both have to(as my father would always say) look out for #1 & don't step in #2. Something like that. LOL. Be honest with them. Let them know you can no longer help them out that you need to take care of yourself. Tell them to check out resources on line or at the bank to see what they can do. I'm hurting financially now becuz I went too far doing too much so I'm having to look into another part time job. They may have to do that. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Stop giving them money, you are perpetuating their drama and their insanity.

You arn't a bad family member, but you are in the sence that you keep helping them out and they arn't learning to help them self.

If you have one start scanning your phone calls, listen to them throught the answering machine, and pick up if it's someone you want to talk to that isn't asking for money.

You are doing the right thing. Also tell them, call them all or wait till they call you, tell them, i will no longer help you out of your finatial issues sence this has caused my family and i a hard ship by all the help that i have given them thought money. And leave it at that, tell them they are welcome to call you but not to ask for money and the minute they do you will end the call.

But at least give them all a stern notice of what will be happening, from this point forward do not under any circumstances give them any money.

Your a great family memeber, teach a man to fish he eats for a life time. Teach them the spirit of that saying.

Answer 3

they're taking advantage of you and your good will.

I had a similar situation with relatives in the Philippines...although I've seen the same thing in this country and also with guys who had relatives in Europe...so it's not particular to one country or geographical area.

That said, it all comes down to their respect for you and their character. By your description, it sounds like they view you as an ATM machine and have no consideration whatsoever for you or your family. If they're not doing anything for themselves to improve their own situation, there isn't much you can do to help them...they'll just drag you down too.

You should be able to see what their needs are vs their wants...if you still feel like you want to take care of them, only 'help' them in ways that are non-monetary (show them how to get a job, write a resume'..etc.) ...if they refuse then you have a clear conscience.

Answer 4

Cut them off. Who's going to help you and your family when there is nothing left. There comes a point when you have to put your foot down.

Answer 5

they obviously know u have money, so are taking advantage of u. Dont give them anymore money.
But i do think its a bad move to cut them off, u will regret it in the long term. good luck.x

Answer 6

I think you did the right thing. they need to learn from their mistakes and not to have to rely on you. It's nice that you care about them so much, and you need to let them know that, but they need to know how to live their own lives and not barge in on yours and make you have to worry about them as well as your family. By cutting them off, your helping them. Try not to feel so bad.
Good Luck

Answer 7

You can't give what you don't have. I have a feeling that if you had tons you'd share pretty freely. So again, you cant give what you don't have. You can't pull money from the clear blue sky

Answer 8

No, you are not a bad family member. Those who took advantage of your kindness and generosity are the real bad ones.

Answer 9

it appears you have gone over and above the call of duty. there is no reason for you to feel guilty. the more you give the more they will ask. your first obligation is to your family unit.

Answer 10

say you worked your hole life for your money and you dont want it all to be gone in a second.
and DO NOT GIVE THEM MONEY. THEY WILL SPEND IT.