Here's my problem:
My cousin is getting married in March 2008 in Pakistan. But, I am a sophomore in high school, taking very difficult classes in America. So, it would be very difficult for me to get up and leave the country for a week or two (because I'm not just going to fly all the way across the world for just the one day), becaue I would miss way to much for school. I really want to be at her wedding, because she and I are really close. Do you think it would be selfish for me to ask her to change her wedding date?
Plus, I have already missed five days of school due to Eid (Islamic holiday) and sicknesses, so I really can't afford to miss any more this year. What should I do? Am i being selfish? And how should I convince her to change the date?
Please help!
2007-12-01 06:56:29 · 33 answers · asked by ..::Leila::.. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
(Isn't it possible that her wedding coincides with your spring break vacation?)
If not, it's true that you should never ask or even pressure someone to change their wedding date for you, but it doesn't hurt to inform them as soon as possible that you will not be able to make it on the scheduled date. Depending upon how "set" the date is, they may take that into consideration and modify the date themselves. Don't expect this to happen with so few months left before the wedding. If invitations or "save the date" announcements have already been sent, then forget it (that means, at minimum, the banquet hall is paid for and scores of relatives have already requested vacations and booked nonrefundable flights). Even if it's hopeless, you still need to RSVP her with your regrets. You don't want your absence to be a last-minute disappointment on top of it all.
I know it's tough to be so far away from the people you love during these once in a lifetime moments, and high school is extremely time-consuming. But it's best not to stress about the things you can't change. My advice is to take some time this winter break to make your cousin a very special, personal present that you can mail to her as a wedding gift / greeting.
You could make a DVD or video log where you get all dressed up just like you would for the wedding and record yourself offering her a personal greeting or blessings, sharing stories about memories the two of you have together, asking her all the questions you want to ask about life and future plans, and letting her know much love. Keep it positive and festive. You could even turn on some music and dance just like you would if you were at the wedding itself. Let yourself have as much of the experience as you can imagine. Find ways to do all the fun or important things you would actually be doing if you were there. Sharing this virtual wedding experience will make it more real than you might think.
If you don't have recording equipment, just write it all in a letter, and include copies of any photos you have of yourself or the two of you together. Make a scrapbook, even. The more thought and creativity you put into it, the clearer it will be to your cousin that you are only missing the wedding because you have no choice - not because you are lazy or don't care.
Again, don't stress. I missed a lot of important weddings when I was in college. It gets easier when you realize you simply can't do it all, and that brides and grooms are usually so overwhelmed with guests and activities that they seldom have time to notice or visit with anybody. Flying half way around the world just to be ignored by everyone is not worth ruining your GPA over. What matters is that you acknowledge your cousin's special day and send your best wishes any way you can.
Good luck! :)
2007-12-01 08:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by Star S 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I do think it is selfish, but you have good reasons behind it. Being selfish about school is not necessarily a bad thing. Good for you for knowing how important school is!
I do NOT think you should ask that of her though. I do think that you should tell her you are sorry that you can not attend the wedding and wish that you could. Give her your best wishes and good luck. If having you there is something that important to her then she would change the date on her own. Don't make her feel guilty that you can not be there though!
Her wedding date is pretty close and to ask her to change the date now is probably too late anyway. There is no way to get her to change the date, what you need to do is accept that you can't go.
Send her a card and be done with it.
2007-12-01 07:41:03 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is selfish do you not realize how much time is spent on planning a wedding. The day is usually the first thing that is scheduled then everything works around it. Do not convince or even ask tell her that you have missed to much school and can not make her wedding. Send a nice gift or some money. They may need it if they go off budget.
Visit when you have the time I think your cousin will understand education is important.
2007-12-01 19:02:21 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not rude to do this but you must be aware that putting a date will not guarentee that people respond. What is most likely to happen is that people will show up even if they did not RSVP. What would be very rude is to tell people that they are uninvited if they do not comply with your cut off date. How will you tell Aunt Sally that she needs to go back home because since she did not RSVP she cannot come in and attend. If you did not count her in the number given to the caterer, there will be no food for her. Not so bad if it is a buffet but if it is a sit down plated dinner then she would be out of luck and you have a soured a relationship/ Best thing is to invite those you want and then contact them at the cut off date and ask if they will be attending or not. No this should not be on you but since you are the one who will ultimately have the problem you should be the one to solve it. I have never heard of a cut off date where the bride actually expects to cut people off but if that is what you want to do so be it. Just be prepared for what could happen when people do not RSVP and still show up at the wedding
2016-05-27 03:18:12 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are being very selfish. This is her special day, not yours. If you really want to go, maybe you should have your parents talk to your teachers and maybe some arrangements can be made.
Ultimately, if you want to go you need to figure out how to make that happen. Your cousin should not have to change all her plans. If you the two of you are that close and you care for her, you would not even ask her to change the date.
2007-12-01 10:33:55 · answer #5 · answered by OCMama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well did she JUST decide on this date? like without booking anything? cuz if she has booked to hall already then she already put a deposit down.. probably $1000 so do not even bring it up to her! you should have told her as soon as she got engaged that you couldnt be there until school was out.. then she could have made the choice.. but now since she has already set the date and probably booked the hall, it is too late.. if she didnt book anything yet, then i would just say to her, dam that sucks that i cant be there, i cant take anymore time off from school, i really really wanted to come to your wedding.. and let HER make the decision.. do NOT flat out ask her change the date!
2007-12-01 09:55:27 · answer #6 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can't change her wedding date for you, if she did, she'd have umpt-zillion other relatives who are just as close to her demanding that she change it for them. This is her wedding, you're going to have to decide if it's worth missing school for this. She has many other things to consider than your class load here. Yes, it is very self-centered of you to think of asking this of her, and please don't. It will make her uncomfortable, and will probably stress her out knowing that you're being put in a rough spot for her wedding. I'm sure she'll understand if you can't make it.
However, if you decide to go, I think if you talk with your teachers beforehand about being gone, they'll work with you. They'll give you assignments to do while you're gone, that they'll expect you to turn in when you return. You can probably even arrange to email assignments to them. You'll have to do more of the work independently, but that's a way for you to be able to go to your cousins wedding.
And, by the way, any school you've missed because of illness and religious reasons is considered excused absenses, and you should be allowed to make up the work from that as well.
2007-12-01 07:29:27 · answer #7 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it would be extremely selfish to ask your cousin to change her wedding date.
Obviously, you do not realize all the work involved with planning a wedding.
So you stay in school. Send your cousin a card and a gift. Write her a kind letter telling her how happy you are for her and how you wish her all the best.
2007-12-01 23:27:13 · answer #8 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, that would be selfish. As someone that is planning a wedding, there are alot of things and alot of people to consider, and you just find the best date you can. I'm sure she wishes you could be there, too, so maybe you can throw a party or something here in the states for her!
2007-12-01 09:35:23 · answer #9 · answered by Allison L 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eek. thats a tough one. i would say, yes it is rude to ask her to change her wedding date, because there is so much planning that goes into it. it's not as easy for her as it is for you, who's job is to just show up. she has an insane amount of planning, and everything has to come together at exactly the minute designated. dj's, catering, the officiant, the rental of the space.....
on the other hand, if nothing solid has been set yet (read: no invitations sent or anything like that) then you could mention it....but it's still a pretty awful situation.
2007-12-01 20:00:21 · answer #10 · answered by tanja_berengue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋