So my situation goes like this...I've been dating this guy that I have been madly in love with. He's everything I have ever wanted and dreamed of. We've been living together a year, dating two. We planned on getting married. He is my best friend. Out of the blue the other day he decides he isn't sure what he wants anymore and decides it's best to break up. There were no signs leading up to it, everything was so great. I can say my heart is officially broken this time, and I feel as though my spirits have fallen and I have nothing left. Is it common for guys to suddenly feel they are confused, and scared when it comes to long term relationships? How do you cope? What things are best to get your mind back on track? Thanks for your help..
Sincerely,
One Broken Hearted Girl
2007-12-01 04:43:01 · 32 answers · asked by ItsAmanda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's life, but better to find out now than to get married and divorced years later...and deal with the financial and emotional hardships that come with it. My wife dumped me out of the blue and it took me about a year and a half to really start getting on with my life again. I must admit that I still find the whole event upsetting and it still hurts. I'm afraid to get involved with anyone seriously at this time in my life. She really opened my eyes to the fact that making permanent commitments is really unreasonable and that people change and change their minds all the time...no matter how close they are or how much you love one another. Nothing stays the same forever.
Just know that it will get better. I have a child with my ex and between that and the divorce there is a ton of strain. Consider yourself lucky that you have the opportunity for a clean break. Just watch your heart next time around...and don't live your life to make others happy. At the same time, don't let your own happiness be contingent upon a relationship with someone else. Live and learn!
2007-12-01 04:55:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe this. I can't believe that some guys can be so heartless and jerks. I don't understand how a guy can love you one and the next want to break up with you. Are you sure that this is his final decision and he doesn't want to work it out? If he doesn't, then he was never the one for you. I have been through the same stuff, it is awful. But you will get over it and as the saying goes, "time heals all wounds", it is really true. I hope you find a guy that will not treat you like this!
Good luck :)
2007-12-01 04:48:55 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Jessica♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!! You sure are in a mess....
Just don't take a big step like straight-away asking him the explanations or doing something irrational.
It doesn't matter now, whether he was your best friend. What matters is were YOU his best friend? If you were then you are damn lucky. Just be best friends again. I know its hard but instead of losing him altogether in one go, you'll be able to be with him for some time. You'll be able to keep a distance between you and him. That way, you'll give him some time to think about and he may come back to you.
But if you aren't his best friend.... then I'm sorry. The road ahead is very tough for you. And only you can decide , whether to remain heart-broken for life or start a new life.
Well, I haven't been proposed for a long term relationship. So I can't answer that part of your question.
Best of Luck!!
If possible, then do drop me note about your success!
2007-12-01 04:58:30 · answer #3 · answered by Sam 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel sorry for u girl ( i am dead serious), now guys can get confused when it comes to long-term relationships, and i guess that they figure what happens to them now and debate on what they want to happen in their future, or let me refraze that, what they think is the best thing for them. It will be okay, I promise. The one thing that u can do to get ur mind back on track, is not worry about guys, i know that it will be hard to do, but u need to think about ur future and whats happening now, and maybe one of these days u will find Mr. Right and then things will be great after that, I have faith in u, even though i dont know u, but God has a plan for all of us, and god is watching over u right now, and he's here for u.
2007-12-01 04:51:17 · answer #4 · answered by wildride07 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a serious deal, it's not child's play. Personally i wouldnt even consider it till being with someone for at least 4 years minimum. But anyway, its normal for ANYBODY to do this, and i gaurantee that if you two were still together and you finnally decided to get married, you'd start having second thoughts too a couple days before it happened, or even after being engaged. Its natural and perfectly normal. Give him time to think, don't be a pest and just wait it out, and if you two were meant to be, then it will be.
2007-12-01 04:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! We all go through it rookie. Broken hearts go back to one. The sooner you stop believeing that you have everything in 'ulterior' the sooner you will be repaired. The girl of my dream did the same years ago. The reasons are identical. When she said she was not sure it meant the opposit. After she broke up with him she wanted me back. Guess what I discovered. The feeling that I thought was impossible to break was gone. I swear. I remember feeling pain even when I was asleep. Now I only feel GOOD! Mind over matter, just agree with your soul to be strong
2007-12-01 04:56:37 · answer #6 · answered by highthoughts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best cure for a broken heart is a new love. well maybe not love, but male attention. go get a new 'do, a new outfit and do something you don't usually do. go to a new club, join a new group, go to a different library to study or a different mall. dress fabulously. flirt with *every* 1/2 decent guy you see. it won't make up for what you feel you miss right now, but t will make you feel desirable again. if he dumped you like that, he wasn't worth you crying over. take it from an old broad who knows. when they really love you, they don't break your heart.
2007-12-01 04:47:48 · answer #7 · answered by coquinegra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's really not much you can do immediately. I feel so bad for you, I know exactly how you're feeling. I honestly thought life wasn't worth living. But what's amazing is, you do cope. I'm not sure how, but just going through daily life, hanging with friends, making your bed, everything can be a healing process. It will take time, but eventually it will happen. One word of advice. While right now you want him back, if he ever comes DON'T TAKE HIM BACK. It will just cause more misery later on.
2007-12-01 05:02:12 · answer #8 · answered by Afton 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it is common for guys to suddenly feel they are confused and scared when it comes to long term relationships. I know someone who was in that position then he broke up with her even though they were living together for four years. you can cope by hanging out with your girlfriends.they can help you at this time. to get your mind back on track, try writing and drawing.
2007-12-01 04:53:43 · answer #9 · answered by sweetnspicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems likely he's just overwhelmed. I'd write him, let him know you're willing to give him a little time to think everything through, but be clear you're not going to wait around forever. Marriage is a serious thing, I think it's very natural for either sex to get nervous, and if there really were no signs of trouble in the relationship, that's probably what it is. I wish you luck.
2007-12-01 04:48:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋