is it illegal to have sex during jewish engagement ,if yes ,what is the punishment according to jewish law?

Question

I always hear that jewish engagement is like marriage but without having sex ,now ,is it illegal to have sex during jewish engagement , or it is just better not to have ,if it is illegal ,what is the punishment according to the jewish law , pls, give refernces and links , thanks

Answer 1

OK- what you need to understand is that the modern engagement is NOT the engagement of the times of the Talmud.

The Jewish marriage is made up of two stages: Erusin (also known as kidushin) which is betrothal, and Nissuin (which is followed by Chuppah) which is the coming of the woman into the man's house.

In the times of the Talmud, the stage of Erusin would last from a few weeks (for a divorcee` or widow being married to a man that was previously married) to a year (for a never before married woman being married to a never before married man). During this time, they have to conduct themselves as if they are married in regards to relations to each other but are not allowed to live in the same house. If either of them had sexual relations with someone else during this time, it was considered adultery and punished as such (note that until the time of the ban of Rabbeinu Gershom on multiple marriages, the man could have relations with any other wives that he had, after the time of Rabbeinu Gershom he could not have more than one wife and thus the exactly same restrictions applied to him as to his erusa (woman connected to him by erusin).

If during the period of erusin the couple have sex, then they are considered married immediately, even without having the chuppah (in masechta Kiddushin, page 2b, the very first Mishnah of the masechta, it states that there are three ways to get married: with a document , by aquisition (a gift) or through sexual relations- since they have publicly stated they intend to get married (erusin) any sexual relations after that effectively marry them.) Nowadays, since the engagement is not erusin but see below for an important exception), it would merely be pre-marital sex, which, while frowned on as being unbecoming conduct, is not punishable.

In the modern world, we do erusin- saying the blessing on wine under the chupah- followed straight away by the reciting of the shevah brachos of kiddushin- thus there is no time between erusin and nissuin. The original delay between the two was instituted by the Anshei Knesset Hagadol (Great Sanhedrin) to give the man time to prepare the house etc for his bride.

There is one thing to be very careful of in the modern world: If the future groom gives his future bride a gift at the engagement party in front of witnesses while saying that this is a token they will get married, then erusin HAS taken place and if they split before the wedding, they have to obtain a get (religious divorce document)

Note: All of this is according to the halachah (Jewish law) from the Orthodox POV

Answer 2

I am not sure what the punishment under Jewish law is if a Jewish couple who are betrothed have sexual relations.

but the point is entirely academic for the following reasons.

1. Jewish courts no longer issue physical punishments

2. The betrothal (engagement) and marriage are now done at virtually the same time during the wedding.

Answer 3

Sex between consenting adults is never illegal dear...

Answer 4

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