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my boyf and i have been together for 11monthd and to start with, it was constant butterflies, kisses, hugs, and his mates wld joke that he was 'under then thumb' because he so into me.
we are still in love and we live together. we tell each other we love each other every day. we both want a future together.
However, as we are now settled, the hands on part of our relationship has dwindled, as expected. he no longer wants to kiss me every 5 seconds and is quite happy to leave me to my own accord when we go out, whereas before he used to want to show me off to the world as his girlfriend. he used to call me sweet names like beautiful, sexy baby, gorgeous, princess etc but now just calls me babe.
i spoken to him about it as i feel i miss the closeness. i understand what we have is still special and i dont expect it to stay full on forever, but would like a bit more of wot we used 2 b like. he says we are settled and he wants our relationship to be about understanding......

2007-11-30 21:50:28 · 12 answers · asked by millayhighsociety 2 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

not just about sex and being all over each other. he says he likes where we are now as it is on a different level to other previous relationships. he says he truly loves me and doesnt ever want to lose me.
i just feel i want some of the old spark back, and not be so settled. we have our whole lives to settle after all!!!
Please help!
Girls and boys please!
Im 21 btw

2007-11-30 21:52:13 · update #1

i tried the approach where i was more affectionate with him, but he got annoyed and said i was too clingy and to chill out a bit.
So i tried the opposite and sat back to let him come to me. he didnt.

2007-11-30 21:58:08 · update #2

12 answers

well he is obviously in a place of extreme comfort in the relationship, which is wonderful for him, but you are not quite there yet Hun. Try to set aside one day a week where you do something together as a couple, go for a walk holding hands, or go for a meal or anything that gives you quality time together as a couple without the daily stresses of life getting in the way. Set aside a day or a few hours where you both say no matter what is going on around you both either at work or with family or whatever, these few hours, or this day, those issues don't exist, so for that time in question you only have each other to concentrate on and worry about. That way no matter how bad the week is, you know you always have this to look forward to. During the week If you want a cuddle Hun you are probably going to have to make the first move, men are not good mind readers lol, they don't know what we want, so sometimes we just have to make the first move and then they will reciprocate.

2007-11-30 22:01:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

This is the natural progression, but unfortunately, moving in together has accelerated your transition into the 'comfort zone', where he is happy and comfortable with you, and the 'honeymoon period' of 24/7 kissing and touching is not necessary for him anymore.

I can understand it from both points of view, and if you bring it up too much, he will become resentful and it will cause arguments. He feels that as it is not a new relationship, and because you both arent kids, it is not apporpriate to be fawning over eachother all the time. I understand that i made you feel special, but let him make you feel special in other ways. Let him take you out to dinner or to the cinema, or surprise him with a date somewhere romantic. From here on it will take effort to keep your relationship alive, but it sounds like you both love eachother so don't give up just because he isn't all over you all the time!

2007-11-30 22:01:05 · answer #2 · answered by maraesa1000 5 · 0 0

There is never a time when being affectionate and loving should come to an end, moving in together or not. If you are not happy, and you obviously are not, sit him down and tell him. Better still, show him this page lol.

Oi you....boyfriend....this lady needs some lovin an affection...just do it ok !! Lol
Or we'll all be cross with you ;-)

2007-12-01 04:36:29 · answer #3 · answered by bikerchick77_uk 2 · 1 0

I wish there was some way for him to realize what life would be like without you and he's stop living like there's no more room in the piggy bank for his love input.

Whatever he's doing now (work or other time-consuming thing) is consuming his thoughts. I would take a short vacation with just him.

2007-11-30 21:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0 0

Honestly, the decline is a good thing.

If it becomes too routine,
it loses its power,
it loses appeal.
Understand?

You don't want your boyfriend to think of affection as a chore.

It's similar to repeating the same joke over and over.
It can only be funny for so long.

2007-11-30 21:59:32 · answer #5 · answered by Meat Popsicle 2 · 1 0

I suggest that you voice your needs to him. I am sure this will open his eyes to your need. It never hurts to be honest.
I am not a girl, or a boy. I am in arelationship that I have been in for nearly 27 years we still, snuggle, hold hands and care about one anothers feelings, when we do not communicate is when we , have our trouble. Try it it makes a fantastic, improvement!

2007-11-30 21:57:52 · answer #6 · answered by tamme 2 · 0 1

Need to talk to him.His needs may have change....Being together isn't just about sweet words and superficial affection.You'll need to know his mental needs too.

2007-11-30 22:15:11 · answer #7 · answered by Lonelycity 3 · 0 0

explain to him in terms of "i need". tell him you understand his point of view but right now you just need him to be clingy. even if it's every so often just to put that spring back in your step. he should understand you and you guys can find a happy medium.

2007-11-30 23:23:37 · answer #8 · answered by LouLouEm 4 · 0 1

give

him

space

... with due respect to the poster who suggested "just be more affectionate with him [and] he will respond," that's just not how life works.

2007-11-30 21:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by Mr Milquetoast 3 · 0 0

just be more affectionate with him...he will respond.

2007-11-30 21:53:55 · answer #10 · answered by Little Foot 3 · 0 1

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