long story short today i had this big o argument with my dad... he said that he regreats having me with my mom... he said that hes ashame of me!!!..... im 18.... this is always happening.....should i just move on??? but how??....my mom doesnt want me to leave......
2007-11-30 21:09:03 · 19 answers · asked by Gilberto M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well people say stuff they dont mean when their angry, but dont leave. It will only make it harder on your i mom.
2007-11-30 21:12:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, that's not good, how awful for you.
Have you asked your dad why he's ashamed of you? The reason I'm asking is because it's such a hurtful thing for a parent to say to their child. He has to have a very good reason for it. Insist on knowing why he is ashamed. If he can't give you a good reason, then you needn't worry what he thinks anymore. As for regretting having you with your mum - I suspect that there's some element of competition in there for your mother's affection, weird as it may sound.
The sad thing is that you're at the age where you're changing, and some parents find this very threatening, they don't want to lose their little boy/girl. I had a hell of a time with my mother at that age! What your father doesn't want to see is that everyone is different, and you are into different things to him, partly because you are growing up in a different time, and you are a different person. You're moving from being an extension of him into being your own person. They can find this very hard ....
I suggest that you look for a flat or a houseshare somewhere, something that you can afford that's safe, if possible near your mother so that you can visit her and she you whenever it suits. As long as you have a viable means of paying your way, you'll be alright, so if you have some sort of study grant for while you're in college, you'll be fine. Or if you decide to work for a few years ....
And I imagine you're upset, but these things do eventually straighten themselves out. In the meantime, you can be working on getting your own life up and running. Hope this helps. :-)
2007-12-01 05:23:21 · answer #2 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry! I was just looking through the answers and I was going to give a thumbs UP to Average Joe's answer, and my finger went to a thumbs DOWN, and I can't change it!!!! Does this take points away from a person??? I want to let Average Joe know I did not mean to do that.
Now for your problem at home . . . words like that from your Dad will not help with your growth as a person. My daughter's Dad does that to her, but he has also pushed her to the ground and sent her away to rehab when she was 16. It was his fault for being so verbally abusive that she had to defend herself. She is now 24 and still struggling with her hate/want to love of her Dad; plus she has issues with other males.
If only you had a close friend you could live with. I am sure your Dad probably wouldn't even notice whether or not you moved. It is him; not you. Of course your Mom doesn't want you to leave. Maybe you are also protecting her???
Your Dad should be ashamed of himself.
Good luck.
2007-12-01 05:35:50 · answer #3 · answered by Chloe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, it is true most dads don't really mean that when they're angry. But like someone said moving will only make things harder on your mom. Just get a good job and work hard. Then look at your father and just tell and show him what you achieved and how far you got. But you shouldn't worry about what he said so seriously, him saying that probably means your doing something wrong. Think about where you are right now and what are you doing. Maybe that might help. :)
2007-12-01 10:59:44 · answer #4 · answered by Wolfy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try, for your mother's sake and peace in your household, to live by your parents' rules until you have finished your education, career training, what ever and are truly in the position to live on your own.
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Fathers tend to get very upset when they think their sons are ignoring their rules, testing their authority, are going down a path that they know will end badly.
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Some father just don't know how to say what they really feel and want for their kids or in a way that doesn't offend their children in the meantime.
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When he says these hurtful things he is actually saying that he is afraid for you. You are 18, a legal adult in many respects and he knows that what you do or don't do now in your life can make a big differance in how your life turns out.
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Try to remember that your dad will always love you and that he wants you to suceed, to have a happy life as an adult.
2007-12-01 05:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by Kaye 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, your father shouldn't be saying these things. If he didn't make sufficient effort in raising you, he needs to accept it.
second, a father's approval is important to any son. If you want to your dad to be proud of you (and his own effort), YES, you must move out. You are a man now, it's time for you to take charge of your own life. How? Most importantly, DO NOT get some girl pregnant! That's the deadliest weapon a woman has to bring you down. Also, fathering issues will take away from your other efforts. Save marriage AND children for when your stable enough to handle them. Second, work hard and save money. Third, get your own place. Lastly, do not forget where you came from. Show love and respect to your parents; be the bigger man.
2007-12-01 05:19:22 · answer #6 · answered by Average Joe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My parents did the same thing. They try to brush it off, saying it was said "in anger" so it shouldn't be bothered with. It hurt, so I tried to hate them, hoping it wouldn't bother me as much then. My problem was that I still wanted a relationship with them and for them to be proud of me. 10 years later, my father still doesn't know how to show that he is proud of me(yet he knows how to for my other siblings), but he doesn't insult/berate me. My mom actually does show affection now, so things can turn around.
As a fix for now, I would tell your mom that you love her but you can't stay there for your own mental health right now. Try to stay with some friends or relatives if you can, and live on campus if you go to college next year. Sometimes, just the distance will help with that :)
2007-12-01 08:34:31 · answer #7 · answered by GroovyLilKitten 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is abusive verbally.
Abusive parents will never change. You either let them destroy your spirit or you stay away from them to keep your mental health stable. You need healthy mind to survive for the rest of your life.
If you move on, that will be great. Just keep contact with your mom and stay away from abusive dad.
2007-12-01 05:19:14 · answer #8 · answered by cookie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a piece of your mind, in a polite a nd respectful way, then get the hell out. you deserve better treatment, and you are no longer a child, even tho you are a child in his eyes. handle the situation in a mature way way, he probably is testing your level of maturity, but DO NOT let him get away with speakin to you like a street kid. cut the apron strings, and move on
good luck and best regards
2007-12-01 06:26:09 · answer #9 · answered by Dar' Lene Princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi...ur of age...i mean, legally, u should move on with ur life unless ur mom has a VERY valid reason for wanting u to stay. u should go and prove to ur dad that u can make it in this world and that he should be proud of u...in the end, its ur decision on what u should do, hope u know what is right and wrong. good luck, dude!
2007-12-01 05:18:43 · answer #10 · answered by chimera666 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think, your dad's not serious while saying those words. Or he is only testing or challenging your capacity to hear such phrases as your father do. I dont know if my english is gramitically correct ok i have to go byebye. Try to face the problems. As the other said if you can't face your problem maybe the problem is your face ok? go on..
2007-12-01 05:16:44 · answer #11 · answered by daniel14 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋