My son cries everyday when i drop him off at daycare?

Question

i've been a stay at home mom for over a year. my husband works and makes enough money that i could stay home with my son. he actually prefers that i do because of all the germs and sickness in most daycares. well i started a new job at a daycare and i recently enrolled my son. my son is 4 yrs old and kicks and screams every morning,when i drop him off. i can't even pass his room during the day because if he sees me he starts crying and saying that i'm gonna leave him and not come back. i feel absolutely terrible. i'm right around the corner from him all day. am i putting him through too much? should i quit? he makes me feel like i'm being selfish because i wanna work and make my own money. on top of everything the owners have offered me a supervisor position. should i stay or go because i do care about my son's feelings and don't want him to hate me and do you think he'll ever get used to daycare?

Answer 1

I would keep your son in daycare, and keep your job, he will get over you leaving him at daycare, and get use to being there... He's going to be starting school soon anyway so it will be good for him to learn how to be without you now as oppose to having to deal with this when he is just starting school... you are not being selfish by wanting your own job so you can make some money for yourself is anything it is actually be good because although your husband makes enough to take care of things, you are bringing in extra which could help with christmas times, and you guys may be able to afford more things that you want instead of always worrying about what you need. theres a big differance in the two and sometimes its good to treat yourself to something that you want. Daycare will end up being really good for him too, because it is giving him a chance to get use to being around other kids, and it gives him a chance to play with children his own age... I'm sure after some time as passed that he stops crying after you leave him anyway and becomes fine for the day care provider... and i'm sure your day care provider is use to children acting that way, young children go through seperation anxities espcecailly if he's use to being with you all day but it's something he has to learn to deal with what your doing is actually really for you and for your son, and i'm sure in a little bit of time you will realize it too... just give him some time to the idea of not being with you but he also needs time to realize that your not just dropping him off and leaving him that you are going to come back to get him in a while... i think thats their biggest concern is that mommy or daddy won't come back, but he'll soon that mommy won't ever not come back to get him and it will start to become very normal for him

Answer 2

i had the same problem when my daughter was 2 she is now 15 yrs old but anyway i was working at a daycare and she was in a different class and screamed the whole 8 hrs. it was awful and i hated the job anyways so i did quit but in your situation,you seem to like the job and i can see how you would like to make your own money,maybe he will get used to it or try later in another year but he is four and wont he start school next school year? so maybe this is good for him. also hes not gonna hate you. after i quit my daycare job i still had to work, i was a single mom then and i put my kids in a different daycare cuz i quit on that one and they had to go to daycare everynight and they always hated it but got used to it. they are 13 and 15 now and sometimes they will bring up daycare horror stories(they were never harmed,just sucked) but they dont hate me,their older and understand that i did what i had to do. i also have 14 month old now and im able to stay at home but i do think i might want to start a job when shes about 4 also my husband makes good money,but still. just try a little longer and if he continues then maybe go to work when he starts school.

Answer 3

It honestly depends on what your plans are for your son in the long term. If he is going to be in Kindergarten next year then it might confuse him if you stepped in and stopped daycare...he might think you'll do the same for school and then be hurt and confused when you don't. Realize though that while "normal" Kindergarten age is 5, the mandatory enrollment age in most states isn't until 7 or 8...so if he's not ready for Kindergarten next year you don't need to force him to go. If you plan to homeschool then I would just take him out and bring him home-no reason to push him into something he's not ready for....what you do now should be influenced by whatever decisions you are making for your son's future.

Children do have a strong attachment to their parents (especially stay at home parents) so I think it's important for him to realize that you are not abandoning him. If you plan on keeping him in daycare, spend time talking to him about how he feels, and (if it's possible) let him visit you during the day in your other class so that he understands where you are, and that you will be right there when he needs you.

Answer 4

How hard for you to deal with this situation. I am sure that it breaks your heart to see him so upset.

The thing is he needs to start socializing with other kids and assert his own independance. If you resuce him and all now then he will only have a harder time next time. This phase will pass.

You should talk to him and really tell him that you are not abandoning him etc and love him and will see him at the end of the day. Encourage him to play with the other kids too.

He will be in regular school soon enough and the sooner he is able to normalize in this type of environment the better - for both of you.

Enjoy your new career and know that while this is hard now that it will pass and in the "big picture" you are doing the best for him, you and your family.

good luck!

Answer 5

You're doing a good job. He should be in day care learning to socialize with other children. Eventually, he'll get used to it. I work with a woman that went thru the same thing with her twins. But her solution was to stop & get breakfast at McDonald's every morning so they wouldn't cry when she left. Make daycare a fun thing for him; you know how men are; stroke his little ego. Make him think he's the best little boy for going to daycare.

Answer 6

Hi there
As an early childhood educator I can tell you it is very normal for children to cry when you drop them off. They are attached to you (this is good and shows positive emotional development) and he gets overwhelmed at having to be apart from you.
I would recommend calling the child care when you get to work and asking how he is doing. You would really be surprised how quickly he stops crying I am sure!
Don't feel bad- not at all. Make sure he is in a good program and just trust that you are doing the right thing and that his behaviour is normal and it does not mean that you are doing him any harm.
Ask your child care for suggestions on helping with separation anxiety- there are things you can do!
:) Kate

Answer 7

As a daycare provider myself, here are some options:
1. Does he have a picture of the family up in his room? Perhaps he can keep one of his own in his cubby, that he can look at whenever he misses you.
2. Work hand-in-hand with the providers in the room. They should be doing as much to alleviate his anxiety...perhaps, encouraging him to make a special picture for you
3. Are you working a set schedule? You can give him a digital watch and let him know that when his watch says 4:30, that you'll be coming for him. It will give him something concrete to look at, in anticipation of you coming to get him. Just remember: pick him up when you say you are
4. Give him something special of yours *(not too special...in case he loses it) Just some sort of keepsake item, something he feels you need to have...that way, he'll be reassured you'll be back for it...and him =)

i hope these ideas help and good luck!

Answer 8

If you enjoy your job, you should keep it because he will be in school next year and then there is a possibility that the separation anxiety could be worse. He has been taken care of by you only for his entire life and it is new to him and therefore he has these feelings that you are not coming back; however, in the end it will be the best for him even though it is terrible on him and you at the moment.

Answer 9

Sounds like he may have picked up some of his father's attitude, either by overhearing something or just sensing it. Keep reassuring him and remember that he will be in Kindergarten next year and you will have no choice. Also have a chat with your husband about letting his son know that it is "great" that he goes to school.

Answer 10

I think your doing the right thing... you should keep your job and excell in your career... Your son will eventually get used to going to school.. Try to get him a little more excited about going there every day... make it fun so he really wants to go.. explain to him all the fun things that he will get to do... if you create an excitement about it his view of going will be a more positive one.