Good punishment for 16 year old girls drinking at a house?

Question

I am 16, and last weekend I was caught at my house drinking with two of my (girl) friends. It was late, and we weren't going anywhere. And there were no boys there. I know that it's illegal and wrong to drink underage--and that is not what I'm asking.

I am grounded for a month (until Christmas). My dad says that even though it was just at my house, it means that he can't trust anything else that I say I'm doing (which I know is understandable).

Do you think this is a fair punishment? I still have my car,phone, computer, etc. I just can't hang out with ANY friends or go to ANY friend related activities.

Even though I'm a kid, I really do believe that a month is a bit harsh. Simply because it was just girls and we were locked in my house for the night.

Do you think this is a bit severe or is it a decent punishment? And yes, I know I am bad and wrong and whatever else.

Answer 1

i would take awy computer,that would suck

Answer 2

For underage drinking? The punishment is very decent.

I just finished a response to a 14 year old, and mentioned an incident with my 16 and 17 year olds earlier this year. They were on 'complete shutdown' (my term) for a month. No phone, tv, music, games. I didn't mention it in my other rsponse, but that included the computer. (The punishment that followed was for four months, and they had to leave their bedroom, too.)

The only activity that would have remained was good old fashioned reading. Or something else, that didn't involve friends or electronics.

You are very fortunate. My husband and I would have taken it all. For a month.

Just so you understand our position:

We always take a much harder line with anything illegal. fortunately, it has only come up once each with our 3 older boys. All misdemeanors (tagging, etc.), but disregarding the law is disregarding the law.

It is always best to cut things short (on misbehavior) while we are still the authority figures. We have a short time to get through to our children, so that we can send responsible adults into the world.

Have you seen the damage irresponsible adults cause? DUI's for example. What person in their right mind would take that type of chance with their own life, not to mention the health and safety of the public. Right mind being the operative term here.

So, if I had caught you drinking, I would have cut your priveleges completely. No car, phones, tv, music, computer, games, friends...everything.

And I would have done it because I want you to learn while you are still young, and I have some say so.

Stringent punishment for a month, to hopefully make an impression that would last a lifetime.

Feel better, hon. At least I didn't give out the punishment. ;D

Hope I helped. God bless you.

Answer 3

It's not harsh enough! There are so many things that could have gone wrong. You could have gotten in a car, someone could have fallen and gotten seriously hurt, you could have walked out of that house and been hit by a car. Yes some what farfetched but still something that could happen.

And if you were my daughter, if you think your parents are harsh, heres my punishment for my kids if they we to ever do what you did.

No cell phone, no computer, no friend related activities, to school and to home period! No tv, no music, ipod, cd player.
Christmas presents i bought would go back to where ever they were bought from.

A responsible adult to baby sit you because i can't trust you what so ever from doing something as crazy as drinking, much less underage.

A bed, two pairs of pants, undies, a bra, 5 shirts, a jacket, a sheet and blanket, a pair of shoes and 5 pairs of socks. 3 meals a day. House work! And it's be longer then a month.

It's not a decent punishment. What are you learning by being on the computer, your on here asking a question, and questioning your parents authority, and trying to drum up pitty because the punishment in your febble little mind is to severe.

Gee, would you think it's a bit severe if you were 6 feet under because you got in a car, walked down the street and got run over. Would you think it's a bit severe if your parents were sitting at your hospital bed crying because you haven't woken up from a coma? or you are now braindamaged because of to much alcohol or dead because of it?

Think about what the consequences could have been by your actions and re-evaluate what you think of this punishment.

Answer 4

It seems you don't understand fully the consequences yet. This isn't something to be taken lightly at all. Too many children are making bad descisions today to drink underage and then do stupid things like DRIVE or have sex, etc.
You lose most inhibitions while drinking and would do stuff that you nornally wouldn't do. So many people have been killed by drunk drivers.
Just as you have also mentioned its the LAW, your parents could get into some serious trouble by your bad behavior. You know it's wrong. Your friends know it's wrong.
As far as fair goes, most of life isn't fair. Nobody said life was fair and I think your father gave you a just punishment. It's alot better than spending some time in a jail cell!
So go suck it up and take your consequence and make better descisions. Don't follow the crowd, dare to be different. Say "You know what, lets find something else to do" sometimes it's not worth being "COOL" or whatever the hell the word they use is today, lmao. There's been ALOT of COOL kids who have died young because of drinking incidents whether its been in the home or not. Here's your chance to change your life.

Answer 5

I would say if you are only grounded a month from friends, but can still talk to them, watch T.V. and drive, it isn't too bad. Understand that your parents are setting the example that if you do something unacceptable you will be punished. And the way your parents are thinking...What if she would have got drunk, and then snuck out and went driving. If they didn't punish you hardly at all you wouldn't think it was that serious of an offense. Also remember that if any of your friends parents found out they were drinking at your house, or if something would have happened to one of them...your parents could have been sued for everything they have, as well as spend time in jail (contributing to a minor) even thought they didn't give you guys the alcohol, it was in their house and not locked up.
I think it is a fair punishment, but you seem like a pretty level headed girl so just remember not to do it again. Trust is a hard thing to gain back. I remember...I was a HORRIBLE teenager!! :)

Answer 6

I think its fair. My friend and i were caught drinking wine coolers at her house late one night and we were grounded from eachother for a month...but we were only like 11 or something, much younger than 16! Now that you are DRIVING and at the age where boyfriends become a major factor there are a whole lot of horrible things that can happen when you throw drinking into the mix. This is something your parents have been dreading since you were born and they are most likely more upset about your dishonesty than the actual act. Now they feel like they cant trust you and they will always be worried about where you are, who youre with and what youre doing.

My advice, big a big girl about it...tell them that you are very sorry, you were wrong and that you realize youve lost a good bit of their trust. Tell them that you respect their decision on the one month grounding period, and you will do everything you can to earn back their trust. Feel free to add whatever else your parents are suckers for. If you show them right away that you understand/believe you were wrong (even if you really dont) and that you are sorry, i bet youll be back out with your friends in a week!

Answer 7

For this that you understand was wrong I believe a month is the right amount of time. Not to mention you kept all your conveince items ie; car, phone, computer. sounds like a decent punishment for the crime. These are parent rules no drinking in thier house or anywhere else under age. Hit 18 on your own feel free to try and not get caught, jail, fined ,court, community service. Yep a month sounds about right.

Answer 8

I think it should be worse before you start complaining. You still have your electronics. If I was ever caught drinking, I'd lose everything I could think of. Drinking can wait. And it's better to be mature about it and do it in moderation. My sister had all kinds of parties when she was around that age, and she did some pretty stupid crap (like letting people she didn't even really know in the house, even when I was there), etc. Thank goodness the worst thing that happened was people stole movies.

Drinking is not cool, no matter what you and your little high school friends think. This guy I graduated high school with went out and partied graduation night and was killed because he left with his drunk friends. They didn't have a wreck or anything, they hit a speed bump and almost lost control of the car, he and another guy i graduated with were on the tailgate of the truck and were standing up screwing around and fell off the back of the truck and he hit his head on the street. a lot of blood loss from his head. died before he even got to the hospital. and the other guy, was in critical condition and almost died. He had his life set. Full scholarship to college, very smart, etc. And one night of partying, and it all went down the drain.

Most kids do this crap to fit in or "be cool". you won't even be friends with half of these kids who think they're cool after highschool. and that's if you don't end up dead before then.

So, here's a suggestion: Which you probably want listen, because you're 16, and you know it all right? be a leader, not a follower. Drinking can wait until 21. I didn't really drink until I was legal, and I still don't do it to "be cool" or "get drunk". The reason teenagers do it are the lamest reasons in the world. It's stupid, no matter what any teenager thinks.

I never did it, not because I didn't want to fit in or "be cool", but because my mother was killed by a drunk driver when I was a baby. I guess you have to see things or have them happen to you like that, before you realize how drinking can make you not only look stupid, but act stupid also and do stupid things.

Yes, your punishment was justified. There's people who would have got a lot worse. and not hanging out with friends for a month isn't going to kill you. people would actually lose everything.

Answer 9

Oh yes it's fair, because at my house, it would've been indefinite. I wouldn't have allowed you to leave the house to spend time with "friends" for quite awhile. I'm talking months.

I'd also have probably taken away your car and cell phone as well. Obviously, if you're drinking, you're not responsible enough to be driving a car, and if you're not driving a car, you don't need a cell phone, since the cell phone is for you to contact us in case of an emergency with your car. Since you're not driving, you don't need the phone.

I think your dad is being EXTREMELY fair. It would serve you well to simply accept your punishment with grace and maturity. That will go ALONG way towards regaining your dad's trust in you.

I tell my 17 year old daughter, there's 2 things she can do that can (and usually do) have a permanent affect on you for the rest of your life. 1 is drinking, the other is sex. Generally drinking leads to sex. Hopefully you know the dangers of both here. Realize your dad is looking out for your well being. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

I think it's fair.

You mention that you are aware of what you did, that it was bad, blah blah blah, as though you don't want to have that brought up, but there isn't a reasonable way to answer your question without bringing that up.

The reason it isn't too harsh is because of the severity of what you did. If you think it was too harsh, in my opinion, you don't really "get" how bad what you did actually was.

You might think it was relatively harmless, but he's right, there is a breach of trust. And, being the parents, they can decide not to extend that trust to you for as long as they see fit.

Keep this in mind, too:

Say something DID go wrong. Say any of you had gotten drunk enough to hurt yourself (purposely or accidently), or that the drinking lowered judgement enough that you would figure you could have handled being out, driving, etc. Most people who drink and drive don't think they're doing anything dangerous. They think they are in control of themselves and of the situation. Or say another adult (your friends' parents, the police, whatever) found out.

You might think it was just you and the girls, and you would be the ones in trouble if something happened, but that's not the case. You're a minor, so your parents are responsible for your actions in their home. If something had happened as a result of your night of drinking in their home, THEY would be in legal trouble.

I think you should consider yourself lucky. If it had been my dad, it would have been for six weeks, and there is no WAY I'd still get to keep car, cell phone, car phone, computer, etc.

Answer 11

I guess it would depend on how your father feels about his children drinking. To some parents, it's not ok and to others its absolutly forbidden. I really don't think that one month is too harsh for this instance for reasons that wouldn't even cross your mind as a child or teenager or even an adult without children. It also depends on how your father feels about trust and respect. If having trust in you was something that he was noticable proud of, than losing that trust in you could be a hard thing for him to deal with and often parents feel like "what else shouldn't I have or should I not trust them with" Good Luck, It sucks to be your age and you couldn't pay me to do it again.

P.S. I was always grounded but when I was grounded it was from everything he could think of starting with my TV, stereo, hair dryer, make up.

Good Luck,