what would you do (preschool question)?

Question

My 3 y.o. has always been fearful of new things/places/people. She's supposed to start preschool next week, 2 days a week. I talked to the teacher beforehand and asked her if I could observe the class. She said she can't tell me not to, but she thinks it would be better if I just left my daughter there after about 5 minutes. I think I should let my daughter see the class first, observe it, and stay maybe half an hour and leave with her. Then the next time we come I can leave her there after 5 min. Or will this make it worse? I'm so afraid for my little girl but I want to do the right thing.

It's not daycare, it's a preschool class for speech delayed kids. I'm a SAHM so I don't need a babysitter :)

Answer 1

As a preschool teacher, I have to say that I think transitioning her that way will make it too difficult. It is always best to transition a child in slowly, especially a child who is fearful of new situations. In my classroom we have what we call an “orientation week” where the first day mom or dad (or both) come to school with their child for about 20 minutes. They are asked to do a short activity with their child, speak with the teachers to show that the parent and teachers are “friends,” and then find some activity for the child to try at school without the parent the following day. The next day, the child comes for 30 minutes without mom or dad. Time is added each day through the week. By the next week, the children are easily transitioning in and out of school. This works so well! The parents really enjoy it and it gives their child time to ease in slowly.

Take this weekend to drive by the school often, let her play on the playground, get her excited about going. Talk about some of the activities she will be trying. I think you should go in with you daughter the day she starts. I don’t like the idea of a child feeling that there is no connection between mom, dad, and school. Yes it will be her school, but she needs to feel that you are comfortable with it. When you go, just tell her you are there to watch her (Don’t get super involved with her. Allow her some time to do something independently). Be friendly to her teacher. Let your daughter see you doing so. Before you leave (Keep it short. About 20-30 minutes), have your daughter find an activity to try the following day or the day she returns to school. If you feel she will be okay for you to leave, go ahead (Don’t sneak out! Say goodbye). Let her go by herself the next day for a longer visit. If she has a good day, great! She is probably ready to go the full time. If she gets weepy, slowly ease her in by adding a little time each day.

It is much easier for a child to get used to going to school when they go several days in a row rather than having days in between. Children who start 2 or 3 days a week take a lot longer getting acclimated to the program. Consider putting her in 4 days a week for the first couple of weeks if you can. It should help this huge transition.

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

My boys are in a mother's day out program 2 days a week also. I agree with an earlier answer that if you observe for a while and then let her leave with you, it will make her think she can do that everytime. I know it is hard, but you have to talk it up. Reassure her that you will be back in a little bit and she will have so much fun with her new friends. Don't let her think you are nervous or see you cry, because last year, when my oldest started, I did this. Well everytime after he knew I was sad too, so he would cry, what did I do but pick him up and head straight back home. I also sub at his school every once in a while and the kids that cry when the parents leave only do so for a few minutes. Then they start playing and forget all about us!! :)
I would stay only for a few minutes, give her a hug (only if she isn't already involved in something else) and tell her you have to go do a couple errands, but you will be back very soon for her. She will be fine, I promise. Save the tears for when you get in the car, and trust me, there will be plenty. :) Being around other kids at this age is very important so just remember that too.

Answer 3

I think it would be better to ask the teacher in advance if you could meet her and tour the classroom a few days before class begins. That way, your daughter can check out all of the fun things at preschool, meet her teacher, and you can get her hyped up about starting. Explain everything to her and talk to her about what is going to happen. Talk to the teacher first to make sure your information is accurate though. Make sure she understands that you won't be there but there are lots of friends can be made, fun to have, and nice people at the preschool.

The only thing I have against your idea is that she might feel as if that's going to happen every time. You'll sort of set up a false sense of security the first day by staying with her. It might make her think that you'll stay with her every day and when you don't--she'll be even more crushed if you just didn't go the first day.

I understand it's very hard to let a child go but she'll settle in even if she gets upset the first few times. The most important thing you need to do the in the next week is encourage a positive attitude towards independence and pre-school in general. Best of Luck!!

Answer 4

When my grandson started mothers day out he cried for 2 weeks evey time we left hm and every time we picked him up! The only comfort was so did every other child there! It was pretty traumatic for ALL of us. He had never been left with anyone but family members before. His school had a day when the parents came with the children, met with the teachers, and the children played together for a few hours. It doesn't sound like this is the case though. The reason the teacher doesn't encourage you to stay is #1 It disrupts the flow of the classroom #2 It's not really going to make it any easier for you or your daughter. That being said, if you would feel more comfortable staying for awhile then I would do it! ( No matter how the staff felt about it) I might suggest though that instead of staying for so long you might pick her up after only and hour or so for a few times, making her stay a little longer each time. Then she will come to realize that you WILL be back to get her. My grandson now loves to go to 'school' 2 days a week but we didn't think WE were going to make it!!! lol Good luck to you and I know it'll be just fine.

Answer 5

I went through the same thing with my oldest son at preschool this past August. Also, I had to put both my sons in daycare part-time for 7 weeks while my mom was sick and I had to stay with her. Trust me, it is incredibly hard to leave your child anywhere where he/she doesn't want to be but the best thing you can do is to talk to her about it and mentally prepare her for it. When you talk about it, don't be nervous or she'll pick up on that. Go in with her so she can meet her teacher and let her teacher take her for a little tour. Let her know that she is going to come to school and then as soon as it's over, you will be there to pick her up. She needs to get it in her mind that she will only be picked up AFTER school is finished. Don't show up before and peek through the window, don't linger after it starts... she needs to experience this. She WILL cry. My oldest son HATED preschool his first 2 weeks and was similar about the daycare... but after the initial period of your daughter getting used to it, I promise that she will love it just like my son loves going to his preschool. Talk to the teacher and discuss how the teacher thinks it is going with your little girl but let her do this independantly.

Answer 6

The teacher is right.

Very Very important: When taking her to school and leaving her, be nonchalant not emotional. As a teacher my wife has witnessed more than once a child coming in and the mother cannot hardly tear herself away. The child picks up on it and starts crying hard. Then the mother finally leaves. Two minutes later the child is fine for the rest of the day.

Do not let your child know that you are concerned. Just tell her that she will get to do neat stuff and play with new friends.

If you act fearful then you will have to blame YOURSELF for SCARING HER. Act like this is no big deal because it is not, unless you choose to make it one.

If I sound too blunt then I apologize but too many parents do not realize that children pick up on messages that the parents do not even know that they are sending.

Answer 7

if your daughter has the social qualifications AND has the understanding she needs to commence kindergarten(numbers, hues, letters,etc). Then by using all skill shop her along with her grandmother. the main serious concern is that she has what she needs to commence college. I did placed my toddlers in preschool for 3 days a week for 2 a million/2 hrs each and on a daily basis even tho i'm a stay at domicile mom. i think of that it helped them even nevertheless I had all them examining somewhat and writing by using the time they have been 4. they are all surprising in school. it is a private determination. consistent with threat stumble on a area time preschool.?

Answer 8

I think you should trust the preschool teacher, because she has observed this in dozens of kids and parents I'm sure. You should always feel welcome in your kids classroom, announced or not. I think the teacher is right and you should just bring her in and stay a couple minutes. It will be hard for her at first, even if you "observe" it first. Plus, if you observe it and she's nervous and gets to leave with you, it will only reinforce that when you actually have to leave her she'll want more to go with you.

Answer 9

You know your daughter best! I chose to stay with my daughter when she first started preschool, because I felt that was what she needed. After a few weeks, once she was comfortable, I was able to start leaving her without her getting upset.

For some children it works to just leave them, but others need a gentler transition to a preschool or daycare environment.

Answer 10

Hopefully you have time to take her for a visit b4 it starts. AND you should have been pumping her up, tell her what FUN it will be.

Ok usually I am against the preschool thing, but since it is only 2 days a week I think this could be good for her. WHATEVER YOU DO do not let her see your fear she will suck it all up.


Just remember it is your duty to what is right for her, and sometimes that is HARDER for the parent than the child, but that is what good parents do.

God bless