PLEASE HELP ME! I know this is long, but please give me a chance and read it.?

Question

I am very confused right now. I have had a best friend for almost 15 years, he is a guy of course. For a long time it was mostly fun and hanging out. We always flirted in a joking way and really had no REAL attraction to each other. We even wathched each other go from one relationship after another. Recently, there has been a change in our relationship. Around 4 years ago, we became extremely close, hanging out every day all night long with everyone and just us 80 percent of the time. No matter how much I fought it, I found myself falling in love with him (Which I never thought I would with the type of person he is.) He has always been a woman target, and i am the only one he never tried to disrespect or treat wrongly. We started becoming more serious, and it was very evident that HE and I were fighting the feelings. It got so bad that when he brought US up in conversation, I freaked out and told him I didn't want to loose him as a friend..... Then....he met someone else. For a long time I fought my feelings until I finally told him. since then, being that he was still with HER,.. he rarely called me and only seen me once in a while (Like every 6 months to a year) He got her pregnant (and didn't tell me at first until I found out from his brother) He tried to make it work with her(for the baby's sake), but she always cheated on him, and they eventually broke up). During this time..when we DID see each other, we just couldnt hold back our feelings. He IS NOT the type to tell ANYONE his feelings, but he would tell ME. He has gotten jelouse of things and told me I was blind. I been dating another guy for a long time, and he says that the guy doesn't deserve me. Well now... about eight months later, we met again the other night. we both know he's been on and off with that girl for a while, but he always reassures me that they're broke up. he and I never had sex and he hasnt ever really tried (he says I mean more than that to him). Well to get to the point, he always brings up our relationship now, but this time he told me I was too good for HIM. I have been acting not that interested in him (playing hard to get so to speak). It was weird, but he also told me its over, I think, but I was a little too tipsy to be sure for sure. Out of paranoya, I texed him today and told him "Hey Goof! U wr acting really weird the other night. U were acting MAD at me or SOMEthing. I think u told me it was over!lol! I think u were so drunk u though I was (his exes name here)." Any ways, I try to hide my feelings as much as possible and play "friends". Mainly because I am so in love with him that I have no clue how to act, I'm afraid to push him away, because one minute he's jelouse or telling me how special I am, and the next he is saying stuff like that. This feeling I have for him is so weird. Instead of healing as time goes on, year after year, I think of him and he claims the same. Its like we're still fighting our feelings. When we're together it's like we pick up where we left off. What should I do? After that tex, he still didn't call me? How can I get his feelings to switch back for me if he lost them? PLEASE I need your help. I email every site possible about this and no one ever emails me back. What should I do? Should I tex him ONE more time to tell him that I get what he's saying... that him telling me I was too good for him was just letting me down gently, or was he playing games cause I am so confusing as well? There is so much more to this, but I have already overdone this letter. He even SAYS I'm confusing. I even acted like I have a crush on someone else just so he don't scare off and run the other way? Please, what should I do? I am in love with him.

Wow! Thank you so much for all your help. I KNOW this was a novel to read, but I held it in for so long and I work and college 80 hours a week, so this was GREATLY appreciated! I was so afraid to open these and receive ignorant answers. YOU are all a blessing!

YOU ALL DESERVE BEST ANSWER! This is going to be a hard decision. I honestly feel 100 percent better! Thank you!

Answer 1

Wow, this is a real issue... 15years is a long time.. and four years ago you had feelings of love towards him and after the ups and downs you still have the same feelings???? This is unthinkable... Your feelings seem pure and true... please talk to him and stop hurting yourself year after year.. It is unhealthy for you and also for him.. you can see the result of all this(the pregnant girl)... please don't torture yourself more than you have just done and talk to him.. If he tells you he sincerely feel the same way, then your wait was not in vain, but if he does not feel the same way, that would be a 4year waste... let me know if you need further help.. I would be more than happy to help anytime!!! All the best and I pray for ya.. You don't see this kind of feelings easily...

Answer 2

Get real, do you even know what love is, do you think that he is the only person left in the world, he is not only insecure but irresponsible, is that the kind of relationship you want, someone that is happy to go around and get a girl pregnant and stay with the girl just for the baby's sake, that is so childish and immature and he needs to grow up. If you stay with him, then you deserve what you get because your emotions are already drained. When you are in love, that person is supposed to make you happy and secure and feel loved, not confused and upset and not knowing what's going on and not calling, all there is between you two is negativity and pain, do you really think that is love? Let it go and years down the track you will be so glad you made the choice to move on and find someone that makes you happy all the time

Answer 3

Wow you are in a really hard situation because you wouldnt want him leaving a child without a father. Maybe, You could work something out where he can still support the child and have a relationship(as friends) with the other girl whilst dating him.

I understand you are inlove, and would never suggest you break it off even though its part of my nature to despise people who are becoming the 'other woman' your situation is different.

Go see him. Sit him down. And talk to him.
Tell him your feelings honestly with no boundaries and how you are willing to make it work with this other woman and her child.
Thats the only way to go about it.

Answer 4

Relax, take a breather, no need to panic. Don't text him, you need to speak with him in person, if you know where he lives visit him at home or call him and let him meet you somewhere. It's time to stop playing hard to get and to stop hiding your feelings. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and he needs to tell you exactly how he feels. That means no more games, get serious now and talk it out, even if you are afraid it may not turn out the way you want it to, make a promise between yourselves that the friendship will always be there.

Answer 5

If you gave him space you have to give it to him again he is expecting a child with this other girl. even if it doesn't work out he has to try and it may hurt you but try to be understanding. make sure it is really him you are into and not the idea of him. do you really want to be with a guy that is a womanizer and has a child with some girl that he supposedly doesn't have a relationship with? what will he do to you? if you are still saying that there are feelings you cannot deny then you need to stop playing games and lay it out on the table once and for all. If he denies you then there you have it. If he wants to be with you then there is your answer. But for the meantime he needs to try and make this work with this other girl (in his mind).

Answer 6

first of all, nothing is over, he chose her and is still with her, the end. Secondly, get on with your life. You see him for what he is because you don't live with him 24/7. He is your fantasy and do you know what happens when fantasy becomes reality? The reason it is so desirable is because you can't have it. This will become the biggest disaster of your life if you don't reel in your reality factor. If he realy wanted you he would have ended her long before getting in touch, because that my dear is how a man handles getting what he truly wants, he does not need you to ask. Stop this game it is going to get you heartbroken. That's the best i can tell you.

Answer 7

wow. it seems like he likes u but doesnt want to interfere with ur friendship. or maybe hes just not sure yet. or hes just a jerk. all i can say is next time u see him let him know how u feel about him and how u feel with the way hes treating u. he doesnt seem like he has any respect for u at all, no matter how much u may think so. sorry. just be sure to keep ur options open and dont sit around waiting for him. just let him know how u feel and if he truly cares about u, he'll change but if not, then u need to drop him. hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 8

This is a sad situation. It is hard to let friends go. I hope whatever you choose to do, things will get better. It might be a lift, to move on and change your life. Maybe you can find a hobby that challenges you. Also, it wouldn't be good for this other guy you're with if you're obsessed with the other long time friend.
good luck

Answer 9

The only way to truly know how he feels is to sit down and talk with him. If you have a hard time doing this write it down i a letter and have him read it in front of you so he has to react. You are going through He-- not knowing so what is there to lose? You might be surprised at how he really feels.

Answer 10

It sounds like you both like each other but you both are afraid of loosing what you do have with each other, It is time you both step up to the plate, tell him when he is not drinking how you feel, ask him how does he feel about you, if you both feel the same then work it out so you are dating eaching other and no one else, if not then you need to move on, our wasting time. we are onlly here a short time, and your only getting older.