so far all i can write is the chorus we met in school and she didnt notice me at first but i sure did notice her. for me it was love at first sight. for days i saw her and felt sad as she didnt notice me. then we became friends and started hangin out. later we kissed and we started goin out.
the chorus is...
she got me with her looks
she got me with her stare
with her beautiful brown eyes and her long brown hair
from the start it was easy to see
that she was the girl for me
2007-11-30 14:03:16 · 6 answers · asked by Wyatt H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You pretty much answered your question, in your question. You've told us a short story about how you two progressed from strangers to bf/gf. So, you could talk about how it was love at first sight, but she didn't notice you. Talk about how you felt. Talk about your first kiss, each one of those should make a verse each.
Be sure to give some details listener could understand. I know you're writing it for her, but imagine your describing how wonderful she is to someone else. Tell them things about why you love her, so they'll understand.
Add some sensory details they can relate to. How did feel? Don't just say "sad" give the listener the physical details, did you feel sick, have a knot in your stomach, a pain in your chest? Not everybody knows your girlfriend, but people can relate to loving someone, and know what it feels like.
Use metaphor to make your words have more impact, for example: She got me with her looks, she got me with her stare, is a little stale and uninteresting, you could say something like: She pierced me with her looks, she killed me with her stare, even that's a little cliche, but it has more impact than "she got me", which you repeated twice.
The last line of your chorus should have the most impact, it's usually what the listener remembers, don't repeat things twice unless that's what you really want people to focus on.
You've got a good start, and you've told us a lot about your feelings you just need to add some more details and put it down in a logical progression.
2007-12-01 04:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay; Its good, but your missing something between looks and stare. If it took awhile for her to notice you, then the song is not accurate. You should say something like. She got me with her looks and I thought that she did not care. As time went on I finally got the stare with her beautiful brown eyes and her long brown hair…
2007-11-30 14:23:17 · answer #2 · answered by TicToc.... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right after the first chorus, there should be a verse more about her looks, I think. Right before, a "who is this girl?" verse would be sweet.
Other verses, any quirks she has, describing the kiss, etc. but you need to write the verses, so that the style sounds right, and so you can truthfully say that you wrote it yourself.
2007-11-30 14:10:03 · answer #3 · answered by just wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if its strictly about how u met i cant help you, talk about what u felt when u lookdinto her eyes or what the days after wer like...just pour out ur feelings!! dont be discouraged by ur mind blok! itll come to u!
2007-11-30 14:08:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
her feelings were slowly returned
i felt hurt
i felt burned
in the end it was bliss
all is healed with a first kiss.
:)
2007-11-30 14:08:28 · answer #5 · answered by Riley E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it's gonna be like this you might as well copy and paste it from somewhere.
2007-11-30 14:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋