For those of you who advocate family preservation over adoption...?

Question

I've read a lot of questions and answers in the adoption forum from people who say that, if they'd been given the choice, they'd have chosen their birth mothers over their adoptive families. That's fine. I was not adopted so I don't know how those people feel. What I want to know is: what are those people doing to help preserve families worldwide? Do any of you sponsor children in other countries through organizations like Christian Children's Fund? It's not an adoption agency; it provides food and education to children who desperately need it. Are you sponsoring some of these kids so that they aren't adopted or do you just like to complain?

Magic: your answer was thoughtful and kind. I think it's great that you do those things! My question was asked in kind of a snarky way (I realized that after I published it) but you weren't snarky at all. Aloha to you!

Gershom: You just assume that I don't care about your answers but I wouldn't have posted a question if I didn't want to hear what others have to say. As for what I do, thanks for asking. I'm a single mother to a child I adopted from foster care -- not that that should matter, but apparently it does to many of you -- and I work full time. I donate food items year round and gifts at Christmas -- all for people who wouldn't otherwise have those things. However, if you had read my question you would see that I am asking for answers from people who are pro family preservation and not adoption. I am obviously pro-adoption since I adopted my son. The county and the courts attempted several times to reunite my son with his birth mother but were unable to. Is family preservation always best? No. And that is why children like my son are adopted.

Sunny: Well, isn't that wonderful of you! Supporting the family you made. I made my family too, though my child wasn't born to me. I guess in your eyes that makes me someone who lusts after others' babies. Please. As for having car washes and bake sales, what are you talking about? Who does that? I don't and I don't know anyone else who does either...unless it's a junior high school group trying to earn money to go to Washington D.C.
Please educate yourself about religion and birth control. Not ALL religions are anti-birth control. You may not be a Christian and that's your choice, but don't generalize by saying that Christianity does not support birth control.

Answer 1

Yes I do, I sponsor children in underdeveloped countries and also support the charity friends of chernobyl children. I also volunteer here at home to help families with the support they need to parent and stay together, I visit families both in their homes and also at a weekly 'family group' to help give the support needed to help parents 'get it together' as you say

I'm not anti-adoption, I do believe it is necessary in some circumstances. I am anti unnecessary adoption if you know what I mean and I definitely think urgent reform is needed in the US adoption practices to prevent unnecessary adoption (you know the kind - obtaining children to supply the demand type of adoption tactics)

And Freedom - I don't believe in letting children suffer either. I think the work you are doing is wonderful. I happen to believe that I am doing my bit too so that last comment was uncalled for, self-righteous and nasty, please get over yourself.
Oh and like Sunny I am supporting a family of my own

Answer 2

This isn't really an answer, because I'm not exactly pro-"family preservation". I'm not anti-"family preservation" either. I just see so many truly BAD young parents that I can't really see a point in discouraging adoption for those who want to choose that route. (I do not think anyone should be pressured into it though!!!! I think it would be better to put the pressure on girls to not get pregnant in the first place).


Anyway, even though I don't necessarily share your cause, I want to applaud all of you who are going out of your ways to make things happen. Many of you have mentioned helping stock nurseries, making "mommy boxes" and donating to family preservation charities. I am espescially impressed with those of you donating your own time and energy and getting involved on a personal level! That truly is an amazing way to stand up for a cause you believe in, and I think many of our children will be happier because of it. Thank you!

Answer 3

Gosh i'm inclined to answer this, but I don't feel like you really care and are just trying to be "snarky."
nevertheless, here goes nothing....

I don't sponsor any children currently because I don't have enough money too. I couple of years before I had my girls I got donations from clothing stores and people, garage sales etc. of preganncy clothing and baby items and shipped it to girls in need, who wanted to keep their babies and were looking into adoption because they thought they were too poor to keep their children. So we provided packages like maternity clothing, baby clothing, some toys ( few ), cloth diapers etc. so that they would have the necessities to keep their children. To me, this is another way of advocating to keep families together, that should be together.

After I had my girls though I didn't have the time to put into that. And when I began finding more time that I could dedicate to my passions, i lead myself back to adoption, but am now focusing on adoptee rights.

I am currently (along with another man and many donators )organizing a protest for adoptees to protest our sealed records at the annual state legislatures convention in New Orleans on July 22, 2008. The annual state legislatures are the people who have the power to open our currently sealed records.

I don't have time for anything else. When my children are grown, i'll open my home to foster children, and when i have more time and money, i'll help support mothers and their children most likely by creating pregnancy care packages like I used to.

This year we'll also be buying 20 coloring books and crayon boxes and taking them to the tree at our local mall wrapped up in x-mas that goes to children in foster care. Its not much, but its nice nevertheless. coloring entertains my children daily, hopefully it will bring a smile to other childrens faces.

so aloha, what do you do?

Answer 4

No, I do not help in the ways you suggest. I help with the emotional support to expectant mothers who are worried if they have the strength to gather up all the resources surrounding her so that she doesn't have to be separated from her child/children. If I can help stock a nursery, or help find shelter/home, or point her towards the resources that can help her... I feel like I have helped towards the cause of family preservation.

Also, if I am local, I also see if I can encourage the expectant mother's family members to also meet that need. Sometimes a gentle encouragement can remind them that pulling together can be a positive solution than leaving a child behind.

I do all that I wish was done for me in the same situation.

Answer 5

I sponsor a girl named Josephine in Rwanda through World Vision, and I used to sponsor a girl named Fan in Haiti until she was adopted internationally anyways last year. What I am really looking forward to is this organization that a friend of mine is working with, who try to keep families together in other countries. Right now they're working in Ethiopia and they offer things like teaching job skills, creating work opportunities, education, tracking down relatives, getting medical care and such so that people can keep their kids instead of relinquishing, or at least hopefully they can stay with extended family. For those that absolutely have no hope of staying with family, they do prepare them for adoption. My friend went to Africa to help them out in early Nov, but I wasn't able to go. I hope to get a lot more details on this place soon. It sounds great! If you give me a little bit I can get the links to some great places to donate/sponsor.

Answer 6

Ok time to add my laundry list.

I volunteer my time with the Terra Association here in Edmonton. It is a school, nursery and parent intervention and support program for young Mothers and Fathers. I assisted in the daycare until I got pregnant with my last, donate Payton's old and outgrown clothing, toys, furniture etc. I also act as a mentor for the young women in the program by helping them tackle day to day problems as well as directing them towards community supports when needed. I also assist the local Boys and Girls Club, they operate a center in the community building of the housing development I live in. I help with their computer issues such as virus/spyware/malware removal and allow them to use many of my personal programs and games.

Until my ex threw me out on my pregnant hiney I was sponsoring a child through World Vision, my sister is now making the monthly payments until my finances are back up to where they should be. My mat leave was extended for postpartum depression and my employment insurance was low or I would have found a way to make the payments myself. I also donate a "gift" from their holiday catalog every year, this year I have purchased fruit trees for a needy village. Beyond that I do nothing... not that I consider what I am doing any small feat considering I am now one of the "needy" myself.

Answer 7

i have always been told that when you tithe to do so privately. i always give cash and i never ask for a receipt or sign my name. i used to tithe to the church, but i'm tired of paying to support the adding of a new gym, or so that the pastor can have a new Mercedes. i tithe to individuals. if someone asks me for something, i give it (if i have it). i help other families anonymously. i wish i could do more.

i would very much like to be able to take in a pregnant woman and help her get on her feet. it's been a long time goal that i've had, a home where they aren't micromanaged like they're idiots. just give them a place and time to get on their feet. i hope that they will then turn around and do the same.

i've been helped by so many people with my 2nd child. i was pregnant when i left, my EX (who was very abusive) and didn't have a family support system. i am thankful for the hard times, because it's made me less judgmental and compassionate.

great question. people need to put there money where there mouth is.

i would like to add, that there is a season for everything. some women are struggling just to take care of their own family. they needn't feel guilty. keeping your own family is just as important.

Answer 8

I thought I would chime in here as well, I am pro adoption as well as pro-family preservation. The difference between me and them is that I do not believe that children should suffer endlessly so that the birth mother can get it together. It it not in the best interest of the children to be abandoned by their mom only to be shuffled back and forth for years. As for what I do I live in Romania working in the Hospitals and Orphanages seeing the damage to children by their natural families day In and day out. I also have a foundation called Forget Me Not that is in the early stages that is geared towards keeping families intact through education, government assistance and donations.

Answer 9

Actually, I have only occassionally helped moms keep their babies, mostly my favorite cause young adults who have aged out of foster care, not that it is any of your business.

I also find your tone really insulting, not "a bit snarky" I read it as very dismissive to adoptee issues. Too bad, since you are raising one.


Freedom, no one here has ever said they want children to suffer endlessly in order to stay with their natural parents, that is just you making stuff up.

Telling the truth is important.

Answer 10

Family preservation! Yes, first and forever. My family supports an inner city sanctuary for abused pregnant teen aged mothers and their babies. Every day we see the "cycle" broken. The mothers receive job training, GED, college tuition, and parenting training. They triumph despite the worst odds and the pressure to give their children to rich people.

When I feel that the local mothers who "desperately need" help are provided for, I will share my energy world wide.

I do not "just complain". I complain loudly and and unselfishly.