I am 24 years old and have never had a boyfriend, although I have had a number of one night stands. I am attractive and confident in all aspects of my life apart from dating. I find forging relationships with the opposite sex stressful and awkward. I have never managed more than 2 dates with the same person as I get repulsed by the thought of someone likeing me. The thing is that I love the idea of having a boyfriend but in reality I can't because of my phobia, Is there anyone who can relate to this or overcome it? I feel like a total crazy! Any help would be much appreciated.
2007-11-30 10:47:40 · 8 answers · asked by Lola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I relate to it. I'm 26 and in the same postiton. Everytime I get near a relationship I run away. That is happening less and less now though as I think ladies can smell it on me (D'OH). Don't become anything like me (best advice you will ever get)
2007-11-30 10:53:50 · answer #1 · answered by Mitch Connor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an idea where you are, as I am a little bit like this... not accepting that you are likable is sometimes related to guilt over something that happened to you earlier in life, or some unpleasantness in mid or late childhood. Perhaps your parents or brothers/sisters were cold towards you, or something similar. In any event it has left you feeling unloved, and when someone (a guy) comes along and says that he likes you or loves you, this is such a bizarre thing to be told that it sounds like some horrible lie that cannot possibly be true.
I think you need to explore this part of your personality with a therapist - there is no shame whatsoever in trying to change your life for the better and open yourself to happy and fulfilling friendships and relationships. One night stands will only make you feel cheap and dirty, and simply aren't the answer for you.
Anyway, have a (((((((BIG HUG)))))))) and remember that there are happy times waiting just around the corner if you can take a look inside yourself to see where this issue is coming from. A professional may help you more than you can imagine.
Good luck... you deserve more happiness than you're getting right now. You deserve love and friendship in a close relationship :)
2007-11-30 11:12:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 47, male, and have a similar fear. I don't know how I've handled it and admire people who can have relationships just like that. On the other hand, being alone is what most people actually fear, so you are in a position which most people would be scared to be in.
I think we have lost track of what it is we really want in relationships. For the ladies it isn't always the guy with the fast car, expensive jewelry, big salary. And for the guys it isn't always the girl with the big ..., blond hair, etc etc. It is easy to lose sight of what we truly want, and think that a future partner has to be this way or that way because of the way we have becomed conditioned to believe that.
Yet, I look around and see all sorts of shapes and sizes in relationships. If being alone is nothing to fear, then a relationship is nothing to fear. I suppose it's getting over that initial fear.
2007-11-30 16:46:08 · answer #3 · answered by Zheia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a lot of friends like you, (male and female)I think you're afraid to fall in love and then get hurt.Or maybe you subconsciously don't think you're good enough to have a boyfriend.The fact that you have no problem having sex and then just moving on to the next tells me you have a lack of commitment and can't let yourself get involved. What I think you really need to think about is why you can't picture anyone liking you. You may have some self esteem issues.I'm sure you're a beautiful young lady and any man would be lucky to have you. You just need to tell yourself that you're beautiful and worthy even if you don't feel like that.
2007-11-30 11:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by hezekiahsmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not your age, but I definitely understand how you're feeling. Whenever I think of an intimate relationship, I feel confined in a box--just stuck there. But I know eventually we all are going to have relationships. Maybe you just need to start off in a fun, casual, no strings attached kind of relationship before going into a really intimate relationship.
2007-11-30 10:54:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first only be pal to her. this is get to comprehend approximately her what interest her. then start up by ability of asserting hi.you do not basically meet a woman and say you opt to be intimate along with her. start up by ability of been a chum issues will take sharp with time
2016-12-10 08:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suppose you really need to decide why you dont like someone liking you ---- could it be you dont want to open up completely to these people --- make yourself vulnerable??? --- that is the most important thing to be able to do --- you have to let them in so that they can tear your heart out if they wanted --- and the fact that they dont do it is where the true love is shown --- best wishes
2007-11-30 10:56:23 · answer #7 · answered by trader1867 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're a very lucky young lady!
2007-11-30 10:52:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋