Don't I deserve a life after 24 years of raising children?

Question

My oldest child will be 23 in February. She is married & lives on her own.
My middle child is 17 & a senior in high school. She will turn 18 in March & graduate in May. She already knows what she wants to be & has been getting college credit in high school. After graduation, she has a summer & one year of college left. She will go to the local JC here with a grant.

My youngest child will be 16 in Dec. & is a sophomore. Due to some poor choices she was making here, she now lives with her father & step mother. We are still very close.

My middle child has told me for literally years that as soon as she turns 18, she is moving out. I have always told her she can't move out until she graduates.

It just occured to me that for the first time, since I found out I was pregnant when I was 17, that I will have no children & can do something for myself. So I've been looking into going to culinary school. (see additional info)

There are no schools any where close to where I live and I will probably have to move.
Now my middle daughter is having a fit and acting like I am abandoning her. She will still have her older sister, a grand mother and two Aunt's living in the same town and I will only be a phone call away. She will be living in the dorms anyway.
Now I feel guilty and I have been thinking about staying until she graduates from college. But I am afraid that if I don't leave now, I will miss my opportunity.

What should I do?

I am afraid that my oldest daughter may have a baby and my mother is getting elderly and I am afraid she will get ill and then I will never get to leave.

Answer 1

I think you should go to college. Explain everything to your daughter. If she doesn't understand then to bad for her. You deserve to be happy.

Answer 2

She needs to learn what it's like to be on her own, espically when she goes away to college or she'll never make it in this world. It sounds like now is the time to push her out of the nest. I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting to do something with the rest of your life. It could even help out your family in the long run if you get a good job cooking. I would just explain to her how much this means to you since you didn't get the same opportunities that she will be getting.

Answer 3

of path you may, in actuality you're able to do it first element Monday morning. call your close by court docket abode and ask them to connect you to toddler help enforcement workplace (or in case you will discover the direct line to cse, call that.) they'll then supply you with a packet to fill out with your information, the youngster's information, and any assistance you have on the daddy that would aid them discover him. they'll then do the workplace work, record it and the daddy gets a letter explaining he's being contacted to start a toddler help case. he will then have the flexibility to do a paternity attempt (adult men generally will,) and then he will circulate to his listening to. generally the decide will make him make lower back funds from the date you opened your case. occasion, say you opened it this month, yet you do not circulate to court docket and characteristic the decide make an order for him to pay till finally 6 months down the line (maximum situations take 3-6months, in spite of the actuality that ours took a three hundred and sixty 5 days.) nicely, the decide would discover that the daddy had the flexibility to pay the final six months and placed it interior the oder that he owes lower back funds for the previous 6 months, plus modern-day funds for each month.

Answer 4

If your middle child has been saying that she's going to move away before graduating, then why can't you? You do deserve a life.

Even though as a teen, I can say that, but I know that if when I was that age, and my mom made that decision (she was young when she had me too(20) that I would be angry with her, and I would have a fit.

Answer 5

First, I'd like to know who in heck has left all these thumbs DOWNs for these answers telling this woman to follow her dreams.

Put yourself in her shoes for just a moment!

She was 17 when she first got pregnant and became a mother, therefore giving up the rest of her life to raise children. She could have gone the easy way out, but obviously was unselfish enough to carry and birth these babies and take the responsibility of her actions. Now, as a grown adult with her children leaving the nest, you are putting her DOWN for picking up her life where she left off?

What would have her do? Sit around and knit baby blankets for grandchildren who aren't born yet?

I have a VERY loving mother who, when I moved out, divorced my stepdad and moved to South Dakota.

yes, I was a little hurt at first, but I understood. I was the last one out of the nest and it was time for her to live for HER again! She quit her job and got back into photography, started a sanctuary for injured birds, begame a vegitarian, lost 60 pounds, and is just living HER life wtih interests that suit HER!

Now that the kids are gone she can afford to take more risks... be more daring. and you know what? I like my NEW mom MUCH better, She is happier, more fun to be around, and you know what? She's popular with my friends!

She has moved back in town and she is my BEST friend. My friends are so jealous I have the mom who follows her heart and didn't become 'insta-grandma'.

Wondermom - I've read your posts. you are on my list. I think it's TIME for YOU. In just 6 more months you could be a MUCH happier person. Start planning, you deserve it! If anyone does, YOU DO!

And furthermore, to the ones saying that your 17 year old is still a child who needs her mother... WONDERMOM WAS 17 WHEN SHE BECAME A MOTHER! Growing up sucks, but you will never do it until the real world slaps you in the face a couple times. It's happened to the best of us and as mothers we want to keep it from happening to our kids but deep down we know it's neccessary for them to realize they have to grow up.

Answer 6

Personally, I think your children are still very young and need you. The ages of your youngest are very vulnerable ages. I would never leave my children, not even at 25. Life if about family. If it's gone? What's left? Cooking? Really think about your choice. I was a young parent too, but I love my kids to death, I couldn't imagine moving away from them and not seeing them whenever I want.

Answer 7

Of course you deserve a life. Tell your middle daughter that you simply have nothing to do once she leaves home. You will drive yourself crazy being bored. Remind her that she is moving out just in case she forgot. So, the sooner you start school, the better you feel.

Answer 8

Go for it! My mother raised eight kids, five of which were step children all of us a year appart when lined up.
I watched her work, work, work. She never did anything for herself because when one moved out another moved in again.
I learned that the best way to be a good moher is to take care of yourself too, I feel guilty about going tanning for twenty minetes on my lunch hour! But you know what? We need to do these things.
You need to do this! They are adults (or will be shortly) go for it!
Your going to always feel alittle guilty, but hey you wouldn't be a good mother if you didn't. Now that said go out there and live for yourself!

Answer 9

Follow your heart. You've done your duty as Mom. Your kids are grown and well taken care of. Your middle child will survive. Whenever we try to make changes for ourselves there will always be someone who can't get their head around it. You can't live your life for other people. It's your time. Congratulations and best of luck to you.

Answer 10

you shuld listen to ur children. but also at the same time think about urself. u hav a life to tht u need to take care of. sit down and hav a calm talk with ur daughter. mabey she will understand. leave when u can, but make good coices. good luck =]]

Answer 11

Baby this a great time to make that move. Do it now or you get old and die without trying. Don't let fear rule your future and the kids will do great without you being right there. Computers and cell phones make this world a lot smaller.