This is the first wedding for both of us. Our wedding date is May 10. We have made no concrete plans in my hometown. We don't want to tell EVERYONE about the wedding because we want to keep the option of eloping and having a party after the ceremony.
It's problematic because:
-We both have family that live abroad.
-We are paying for the wedding ourselves.
-We do not have a lot of time to take for a honeymoon.
-There are several people in my family who are ill and cannot travel, and may pass away before May 10.
-My hometown is 400 miles away. But, every generation of our family has lived there (and been married there) for more than 300 years.
-Our families have not met (only our mothers have met).
-Both sets of parents are divorced and still annoy one another.
-We are over 30 years old, have been dating for two years, and live together.
-My grandfather, who lives near my hometown, is a minster and would like to officiate the ceremony.
What would you do?
2007-11-30 08:08:23 · 26 answers · asked by obxn8v 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You don't seem to have a preference one way or the other, or at least are presenting your question very objectively.
You do not mention where your groom's hometown is in relation to where you are now - or perhaps that does not influence your decision.
It is very difficult. Would you regret not having a wedding in your hometown and not having your grandfather officiate? If the answer is "yes" or "maybe" then I say do the wedding. If the answer is "no", then save your pennies and elope.
Personally, I am opting to have a wedding (even though we have to pay for it all) for the benefit of our families and the opportunity to celebrate with them. It seems like we only get together for weddings and funerals and there have been so many funerals lately that I want to have a happy occassion for our families to be together.
2007-11-30 08:27:59 · answer #1 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi and congratulations on your engagement and approaching wedding!
Yours is definitely a hard situation. I see that you do have a lot of family drama (as many do.)
I wouldn't worry about: the people that live abroad; paying for the wedding yourself (many couples do now); families that have not met; being over 30; the many generations that have been married in your town.
Sorry about the family that is ill and may pass away. I'm sure that will be hard.
What I would worry about:
(1) Both sets of parents are divorced and still annoy one another. Sometimes this is not a good mix, but hopefully everyone could be civil for your wedding day.
(2) The disappointment your grandfather would have in not performing your ceremony.
What about a SMALL wedding in your hometown (if you prefer)...or where you live now....or in a neutral location, with your families and a few friends with your grandfather performing the ceremony?
OR...what about a small wedding for just the two of you and maybe two good friends as witnesses. There was a girl on here a couple of weeks ago who decided the same thing. She didn't want all the family and friends input, so she is planning a destination wedding for just the two of them. Possibly this would be an alternative for you. If you want to do something like this...there are soooo many places you can look into and combine it with a honeymoon right away! Many bed & breakfast inns provide this service now. Or look at a tropical destination or a cruise.
Good luck with your decision!
2007-11-30 22:18:51 · answer #2 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your case elope it is not for everyone but really with family so far away and many ill or aging fmaily members it would be better to elope and hold a reception at a later date.
I loved my wedding day and reception but there can be some reasons for many people that eloping makes sense after the fact.
Congrats and God Bless do what you know will make you happy. Just think money saved better honeymoon or eloping destination.
2007-12-02 03:07:12 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should plan a small wedding in your hometown.
I just never think eloping is a good idea, because part of the wonderfulness of a wedding is sharing it with family and close friends - have them witness the vows at the ceremony, then celebrating with you for the reception.
Just plan what the two of you can afford, maybe even have family help you with making food for the dinner.
Think how LOVELY it would be to have your grandfather perform the ceremony!
2007-12-01 07:26:08 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the idea of a small, personal wedding sounds like it would fit right into your situation. If you keep it small the relatives who are able to come will attend and can be representatives of those sick or elderly relatives that would not be able to come. I think that your grandfather should marry you because it would be affordable and it would be a memorable occasion. Another important point is to have the wedding and reception in the same location to cut cost. I would just choose a maid/matron of honor and a best man to keep the wedding simple but sophisticated. Also, you can have a weekend getaway for your honeymoon, which will be cheaper but romantic. My advise to you is to keep the wedding small and personal so you still would be able to live comfortably after the wedding and you can still get your two families together. Good Luck.
2007-12-01 03:58:58 · answer #5 · answered by nygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would elope. We did that this summer. We planned the ceremony. Did the tradition wedding dress and tux. Had a photographer for pictures and had someone video tape it. All people that were not "friends." Then 2 weekends after the wedding we had a party and shared with everyone that we had gotten married. The photographer was not professional so we were able to duplicate pictures to share. It allowed people to take copies of our pictures. I was an awesome day for the two of us. We got lost in each other, it was stress free and pictures were perfect. The party was a lot of fun and it was a cheap way to celebrate and not get everyone ininvolved in a bunch of drama! I would not have done it differently at all!
2007-11-30 16:19:23 · answer #6 · answered by Dee C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you have quite a pickle of a situation. In my opinion I would just have a quite wedding ceremony, let your grandfather officiate and just let your family know by word of mouth or a sincere phone call that you would like to hve them over to share the ceremony with you. Skip the pomp and circumstance and just get married infront of whoever is there. Then plan a vacation when you can take one, or maybe a cruise and invite everyone to celebrate your wedding at that time. Give it plenty of time so people can save up to go on the trip. Vacation is always more fun with a crowd
2007-11-30 18:59:35 · answer #7 · answered by KMONEY831 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have a lovely ceremony and a small reception. Keep the guest list small, have little mini sandwiches, salads, fruit bowl and Champagne....A nice wedding cake professionally done and a photographer, and a boom box with great CD's for music and you will have a memorable wedding day...Looking back in years to come, you will never regret it. You will show your children the wedding album and be proud that you did not elope.
2007-12-01 13:54:37 · answer #8 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We thought about eloping, but then we decided to have a small wedding instead, the reason is beause our families haven't met, so its the only chance we have to get them together. I want both families to give us their blessings. Its something very small but eough for us. I wont have bride maids, nor flower girl, no best man and... The important thing for us is sharing a big day with our family.
Some of my fiances relatives wont be able to come, we understand its far and that requires time to travel. Its just about to celebrate.
2007-11-30 16:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by Marquel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, having eloped myself I would say I would prefer a small wedding with a beautiful dress, bridesmaids and the whole nine yards. But, given your unusual circumstances, I would elope. How considerate of you to consider the difficulty of everyone being able to get there and to take the time to weigh the pros and cons. Good luck.
2007-11-30 16:31:09 · answer #10 · answered by bonstermonster20 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋