am a white female dating a black male and often get told by others its wrong need help
I am 21 and every day older I get I find it harder to cope with the ignorance of the people in this world. So I am dating a man that is darker than me who gives a darn. Whenever we go out we get awful looks and people will make rude comments. I even found out that a friend of mine finds it offensive that we are dating and she is a black female. Why is it such a big deal and how do I overcome and deal with this. He says he is used to it but I am not and having a hard time biting my tounge. Everytime someone comments on it being rude or wrong I lash out at them. Its causing me alot of stress and I just need advice on how to handle it.
2007-11-30 07:53:39 · 34 answers · asked by shorty937222000 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
As of date I have only recieved the looks, and remarks from whites (other than my friend). His family and friends excepted me and welcomed me with open arms. We have encountered a few black people in the city that think its great we are dating its the whites that seem to have the biggest problem with it.
2007-11-30 08:30:02 · update #1
To abfabmom I do live in California. I live in San Francisco, which is why I was suprised by the amount of rascism.
2007-11-30 08:31:50 · update #2
To celeste although I greatly appreciate you taking the time to answer my question I must say that I disagree with the comment on the children. My sister is white and she has had 2 beautiful children with her boyfriend who is mexican and to be honest there hasn't been a person to meet them that hasn't fallen head over heals for them. If my and my man make it through to the point of marriage and children then we most certainly will have children. Anyone who comments on my babies will get more than yelled at.
2007-11-30 08:40:02 · update #3
Clearly, not all in SF are tolerant, wise, or even smart enough to tie their shoelaces. WTF are these people thinking? I lived there for many years, and still live nearby, and I never heard any comments about mixed-race couples.
Now, I married outside my so-called race (pink? I'm sorta pink...), and we don't get many looks (except our kids - people stop us on the street to say how good looking they are), but I am sure that black-white couples do get more such attention.
There's a growing intolerance these days, almost everywhere you go.
Even if we're all the same color, people will find something else to fight about. Think of Northern Ireland, the West Bank (Hamas vs. PLO), Rwanda, Burma...
Good luck.
2007-12-01 03:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by umlando 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you're hurting because of other people's rude and offensive comments. I know it's easier said than done to simply ignore people. Just remember this.
There is NO SHAME in a white woman going out with a man with dark-skin, in fact, I think it's very beautiful. You're showing everyone that no matter what colour you are on the outside, you are BOTH human beings and you love each other very much and for that, I offer you my highest congratulations! The people who have a problem with you being together are obviously racists, otherwise they would not be trying to separate the two of you, nor would they make you feel guilty for being together. It's just so sad that so many people think you must stay with people of your own skin-colour instead of mixing. It's only a skin-colour. When on EARTH will people learn this fact?! Anyway, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of and you are doing NOTHING wrong. You are both human! My brother is white (as I am) and he's married to a dark-coloured woman and they make a lovely couple.
How long have you two been together for? I'm only asking because if you've only been together for a short period of time, then perhaps try to ride it out. Ignore everyone's comments as long as you possibly can. Sooner or later, they will have no choice but to accept that the two of you are in love and (as mushy as this sounds) love conquers all. They will grow tired that they're not getting your attention (even if they are. Just don't let them know this) and they'll have to give up.
Good luck to you and BE HAPPY!
2007-11-30 08:13:56 · answer #2 · answered by highland_white_wolf 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can't control how others think. But why does it bother you so much what others think?? I married a man that was 20 years older than me and a lot of people seemed to think it was wrong or made snide remarks. There was even a pool at a local club on how long our marriage would last! Well, my husband died a couple of years ago, after we had been happily married for 22 years! I'm sure glad that I didn't listen to all those people who didn't know what they were talking about. But I have to tell you that in that 22 years, there were always people that didn't understand.... it just didn't matter to us.
2007-11-30 08:27:01 · answer #3 · answered by faith64 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are allowing the ignorance of others to interfere with your relationship. You cannot change the minds and opinions of others. You can only change how you react to it.
Obviously, lashing out is only causing you stress. Try developing a sense of humor about it. When someone makes a comment, laugh and say "Oops, you better button up that shirt, your bigotry is showing!".
Or when they point out that you're dating a black man, begin shreiking and yelling "Oh my lawdy, I'm dating a black man! Someone get Jesus on the phone, I need savin'!". I guarantee that they will feel stupid! (Did it myself when someone pointed out that I was dating a man much smaller than me with big ears! Oh the humanity!)
The black friend is suffering from jealousy, plain and simple. She views you as a threat that took another good man away from the black women. It's a very common, although stupid, opinion.
Good luck in your relationship. Keep communicating with your boyfriend and express your concerns. He may have some pointers to help you cope.
2007-11-30 08:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
all i have to say is that those people have some big issues. i don't understand it either how some people are such jerks when it comes to different skin colors, what the !@#$ does that matter!
i'm white myself and my uncle has a 14 year old daughter with a black woman and she already had 2 kids herself. No one in our family has ever even mentioned anything negative about it because there really isn't anything wrong with it!
feel sorry for those who are so negative about something that is so positive...love!
2007-11-30 08:19:31 · answer #5 · answered by JumpingBean 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pumpkin your better than I am, I would be screaming. Who cares what others think of you. There will always be an issue with interracial dating and it will come from both sides, let's be honest. You have made your decision your man has made his. Your happiness is all that should matter and that my friend is what you need to tell people. It they can't handle that then they can just keep their mouth shut or handle the consequences of hearing you lash out. I agree that you should say something. You shouldn't have to handle it. We are past all this crap, it's over and done with, but we still deal with it everyday on both sides. It's something that is just going to be there. Sorry..
2007-11-30 08:04:29 · answer #6 · answered by Can't stand this 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Where do you live? I have lived all over the US and have found that A LOT of difference in the acceptance of people based on where I was living. That said, people are people and some people are ignorant, racist, sexist, etc...
While I was uncomfortable at 1st dating a black guy (especially when we went into a Denny's in El Paso, TX and people literally stooped eating to look at us), I took it for what it was worth--an opportunity to show people that love is love and knows no racial barriers. Their hate or disapproval was not for me to worry about.
Let it go. If you don't you will ruin your relationship and your happiness--then the idiots win.
2007-11-30 08:06:49 · answer #7 · answered by Zhedray 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously? That's so completely shocking to me! I can't believe anyone would care.
I guess I'm lucky to live in a part of the world where people don't really see color. Maybe you should move to California. Even in the white-bread town where I live, bi-racial couples are very common.
Try to remember that it's only their own ignorance that is the problem.
2007-11-30 08:06:24 · answer #8 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Racism is something that may never end. Are you in the south? I hear it's still pretty bad down there than anywhere else. Mix-pot places like CA and NY shouldn't look at you like that.. anyway though you two keep on loving eachother and go on about your day don't pay them any mind. If you keep reacting to these people they're just getting what they want.
2007-11-30 08:23:44 · answer #9 · answered by LaLa N 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend had exactly the same problem especially with her parents..but most people who loved her and saw how happy and in love she was accepted him. Now they are married with baby on the way. You shouldnt have to bite your tounge or change your life some people in this life are really materialistic and its a shame. Just enjoy your time with him and try not to let things people say upset you xxx
2007-11-30 10:32:38 · answer #10 · answered by Suzanne C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋