I know stay out of it but, any advise on how to not say nothing and act like it is cool her son is 15 years and daughter is 5 years and my son can't even keep a job......and I just want help on how to act like i am happy cause i wont get into the middle of it cause it is his life but, i am not happy with it....
2007-11-30 07:47:29 · 27 answers · asked by daisy 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If I was you, I wouldn't deal with your son, I would go stright to the woman and have a talk with her.
2007-11-30 07:50:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, true love does not know age. I met my husband in 1994. He was 37 (never married and no kids) and I was 20. It was love at first sight. We dated and got married in 2000, after I finished college. We now have 2 kids and are still as much in love as we were 13 years ago.
Of cause we had to deal with snide remarks. My mom's first words were 'What are you doing with such an old man?' A friend of my husband's sister, upon meeting me for the first time at a function said 'So, she is finishing school. I hope it's not high school.' Remarks like this (rocking the cradle) can be very hurtful.
Although, we are 17 years apart in age, we compliment each other for several reasons. I was born and raised in Germany and came to the US in 1993 after finishing high school. Initially, I dated men my age but unfortunately, they did not have the same level of maturity as I did. And in some cases, they already had children and divorces under their belts.
It sounds like in your case, though, that your son and this lady share a crush and not true love. Maybe she just had a bad divorce herself.
As a mom, I would stay out of their relationship. Best thing is to treat both with respect and just wait for it to blow over.
2007-11-30 17:10:01 · answer #2 · answered by Mom_of_Two 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in TOTAL understanding with you on this...
My oldest, now 20, was 19 and in a relationship with a 48 year old! I am only 43!
I found that the more I said, the worse it got.
It got to the point where they changed the phone number, even dropped out of sight for a while! That really scared me!
I said horrible things to both of them...called the one a pedophile, etc...just to name a few!!
Right now, she is being wined, dined and is travelling places that someone her age is not able to provide.
We don't like this, but we can't stop it.
I finally came to realize, if I wanted a relationship with my own child, I needed to back off.
We now speak...and her father is just now talking to her. Her siblings are upset...but handle it better...they are young.
My child is still my child...but LEGALLY, there is NOTHING I can do. She is not being held against her will and is not in danger.
I also had to realize that, until she did this, she was a good kid, and that my husband and I did nothing to CAUSE this! It was very hard to personally take.
I am just hoping that one day, my child will realize how dumb this is!
Good luck!
2007-11-30 15:58:40 · answer #3 · answered by Halo...as in Angels have them 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't act like you're happy about it if you're not. Just go about your business and keep it to yourself. Maybe he'll grow up now, who knows. I'm thinking a grown woman with 2 children dating a 19 yr old boy is a headcase who's been around the block a time or two.
2007-11-30 16:44:04 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is 19, he will continue on his merry little way. Make issues and they will get married and end up divorced. Let him know how you feel and be honest. Don't get into a shouting match, it solves nothing. By being unhappy with the situation and saying nothing gives the impression you do not care. Just sit down and calmly tell him like you would your best friend how you feel. If he gets nasty don' t rise to the occasion. He thinks he loves her. All boys go through the older woman syndrome.
2007-11-30 16:47:20 · answer #5 · answered by grandma 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to pretend you are happy. You can tell your son how you feel and let him know you need him to be making healthy adult decisions. Don't support what you don't feel is good for your son. Just because he is 19 doesn't mean you have to stop being a parent.....just be a different kinds of parent. Respectful but HONEST.
Not like you have to boycott him from you life...but don't support what is NOT good for him......pray she doesn't get knocked-up........
Talking to her WILL NOT help.....probably would make your Son stay with her longer.....to prove he is an adult (yeah right!)
2007-11-30 16:12:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You hope the 32 year old lady is smart enough to help your 19 year old grow up! This maybe the best thing for him, unless the 32 year old is on drugs and really messed up!
Stay out of the relationship!
Good luck.
2007-11-30 15:52:11 · answer #7 · answered by Lapband Man 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't act like you're happy. That's okay. You are his mom regardless of his age and if you don't approve of a relationship for your son, the only thing you can do is to make sure he knows you love him completely, but you know this is not the right relationship. Then, do what you've said and step aside to let him make his own choices.
2007-11-30 15:53:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
omg - my 19 year old's first dates were during his senior year of high school ! I can't even imagine!
Well - I guess I'd get to know her - maybe she would feel awkward knowing her dates mom is of the same vintage. She probably just doesn't have that perspective when they are just alone.
Maybe he thinks she'll take care of him.
I am sure that will fizzle quickly...until then - share your concerns with him - but say nothing negative about her personally - and keep in their face with a smile on your face.
2007-11-30 16:53:36 · answer #9 · answered by what's up? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Mom was nice to both of the much older men I dated and kept telling my Dad it is just a phase. My Dad drove me away saying that the first one could not come to his home with me, etc. My Mom just stayed out of it and treated them like people. That was several years ago and now do not date anyone that much older than me. That is not what I want in the long run. Just hope he is just having a phase too.
good luck!
2007-11-30 15:54:16 · answer #10 · answered by Kali's Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could rent "Men don't leave" with Chris O'Donnell.
My 19 year old nephew was in a relationship with an older woman. Turned out she just wanted a baby that looked as cute as him. But when she had a baby girl, she dumped him and left him with the baby (fortunately, he turned out to be a devoted, responsible father).
Some things are beyond our control. You can raise them to a certain age, and after that their decisions (and the consequences) are theirs to deal with. All you can do is state your feelings on the situation and then pray for a happy outcome.
2007-11-30 18:12:04 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋