My fiance and I lived together, moved to a different state together, built a house together, and THEN starting ring shopping and wedding plans. We had been planning on getting married, but wanted to build our house first, etc. We never would have done any of that together had we not already agreed on marriage, but I still wanted an offical proposal and he still wanted to give it to me.
So, after a month of ring shopping he actually managed to surprise me with the ring of my dreams, and we were "officially" engaged!
The problem was, I had to start wedding planning before that date, since we were planning on getting married in about 6 months ( and wedding dresses take forever to order, I couldnt buy off the rack because of my size, places book up, etc, you know the drill ) and poeple treated me like I was a little girl playing dressup! I mean, nobody treated me like I was actually getting married, they would literally come out and ask where my ring was!
2007-11-30 07:31:14 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
And when I would say we are still shopping, they would tell me that Im not really engaged. How rude! It made me feel horrible! One woman told me I wasnt engaged so I shouldnt be trying on wedding dresses! (while she was helping me get into one!) It was like no matter what I told them, if there wasnt a ring there wasnt an engagement...I thought there were a lot of people nowadays who dont follow tradition and do things a little out of order....anyone else had this problem?
2007-11-30 07:33:17 · update #1
just so you know i ended up ordering that exact dress but form a different store, and when the second store heard about that lady they sent a complaint to the manager.
2007-11-30 13:41:22 · update #2
I didn't have that problem, but GIVE ME A BREAK! I hope you just brushed off those evil biddy's ...I think they're just jealous of the attention and the fun of the whole wedding idea. Even if they are strangers helping you out at the dress shop...it's amazing how the green in people come out at the oddest times. Good luck with the rest of your planning, and have fun,- it slips away faster than you can imagine!
2007-11-30 07:36:35 · answer #1 · answered by chloe1995 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
People can be so completely ignorant and ridiculous. I hate when people look at engagement rings and if it's a huge rock, it must clearly indicate that he REALLY 'loves' you. I think it's absurd to judge one's affection on how much money they have spent. If they have the means to do so, then good for them, but I could see that extra money being spent more wisely on something else (but that is just my opinion). After reading your story, I can't help but think that some people are even more ignorant then what I previously thought (based on the above reasoning) and cannot believe the nerve of some of the people in their treatment of you. I think that both you and your husband-to-be were very wise and mature in your approach to getting engaged. You have ensured that you have a home and are financially stable which, is doing a lot for the sanctity of your marriage. Many people run into marriage 'with rose colored glasses on' and don't really take into consideration all of the responsibilities and obligations that go along with the title. In turn, this causes a lot of problems for people in marriage and could even lead to divorce. With that said, I think that you should be proud of the steps that you both have taken to establish a future together without the extra worries. As for not having the ring yet, that does not define what you and your fiance mean to each other or where you stand in your relationship. Many people are again ignorant and believe that you must have a ring to be 'formally engaged' but that just isn't so. In addition, I would try not to be so offended by it because you know what you and your fiance share and that if these people have a problem comprehending your circumstances and choices, then it is just a reflection of their ignorance (I cant think of any other word that would describe their attitude better then this) and should detract nothing from your circumstances or how you feel yourself.
In my eyes, if you are planning to get married (and are actually looking at a date) and both agree to this, then you are engaged whether you have a ring or not.
Good luck to you and Congratulations : )
2007-11-30 07:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by serenity113001 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know if a sales person made a comment like that to me, I'd just walk out, even if I was trying the dress on. I'm trying on dresses now for my wedding in April and yes, people notice my ring and ask to see it. I wonder if that's a "check?" They can't deny you service. But on the other hand, I was at an unscale boutique where I had to make an appt in advance to even get in there and while a lady was working with me, there was a group of 4 girls in there trying on dresses. All 4 of them. Only 1 was supposedly getting married, but they looked like they were 16 year olds just out having a good time trying on expensive dresses for fun. If you are going to do that, go to the Mall, not a bridal boutique. So the salespeople should assume that every person walking through the door is of course....getting married soon.
2007-11-30 08:02:44 · answer #3 · answered by beehappy01 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How rediculous. My man and I started planning our wedding before the proposal and before the ring.
I didnt actually tell too many people. Only my Mum and my sister, who will be my maid of honour. While my sister asked once or twice if I was actually getting a ring....they were fine with the wedding plans going ahead.
Like you, we built and moved in to our home first. We will be having our wedding at our home. Building the house was more of a priority to us....especially as we had been in a distance relationship....building the house meant we could fineally be together.
I never had any problems with it, but as i said, I kind of kept it to myself. Im sorry you had these experiences. Many women have unconventional engagements these days, in fact, many women choose not to have engagement rings. You are engaged when you are two adults who agree to marry and agree on a date.
Good luck!
2007-11-30 08:00:17 · answer #4 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
take part of it as a compliment, maybe you look so young, but the next time tell the person someone else can make the commission. and shop elsewhere, find your dress then copy your receipt from the other store and send what happened to you back to the manager. tell the ppl it is not their business about the ring... some people don't get engagement rings and just wear bands, HOW RUDE!
2007-11-30 09:03:12 · answer #5 · answered by MrsMagee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You and I have a lot in common I think. I am not officially engaged yet, I have picked out my ring and we have started some planning but didn't want to fdo anything official until he talked to his kids from his first marriage (which he did last weekend) so we had settled on getting engaged on New Year's Eve because it gives the kids time to get used to the idea plus our first date was New Year's Eve. But anytime I mention that we are "getting engaged" people look at me like I'm insane. They always ask if I have a ring and I tell them that I picked it but we are waiting until New Year's and he is going to propose how he wants. People always judge what we are doing and give me the hardest time about it. I totally understand where you are coming from. People think if you don't do everything the way they think you should, that you are telliing them some sort of lie or from some other planet.
2007-11-30 07:38:36 · answer #6 · answered by Deanrijo 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I haven't had the problem with the non-traditional engagement, but I have had that problem with my non-traditional wedding plans. People act like I'm doing something complete out of this world and unheard of by having a non-traditional wedding.
But about your engagement, who cares what they think? You know you're engaged and you don't have to have a ring to prove it. A ring doesn't prove that your fiance loves you and that the two of you plan to spend the rest of your lives together. These people are just shallow and narrow-minded. If people choose to stick to tradition, then that is perfectly fine, but when they treat you like crap because you don't stick to it, it just makes me feel like they are boring and have no personality. Just be happy because you have a man who loves you and be happy that you aren't so shallow like these people that you think having a ring is what counts.
2007-11-30 07:43:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, my husband and i lived together for 2 years before becoming "engaged" but now that we are married, looking back on it, it really was silly that people made such a fuss and now i can just laugh about it.
Dont let it bother you at all, shrug it off and enjoy each other. You can always tell them that your ring is getting sized or the jeweler needed it in order to make your custom wedding band fit the custom engagement ring that your fiance bought (made) for you!
2007-11-30 07:37:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
My ring has been ordered and I have no idea exactly when I'm getting it ( I am hoping Christmas ).
I get alot of "did he give you the ring yet?" from a few people that know we are wedding-planning.
I'm curious what will happen in a couple weeks when I start going to venues and don't have a ring on my finger ?!?!
2007-11-30 08:07:26 · answer #9 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We didn't have problems to our faces but I'm sure a lot of people spoke about us behind our backs. We had dated 18 days before we got engaged (here come the thumbs down). We both knew it was right instantly. Our story gets a lot of looks and probably behind back talking but strangely it actually got us the photographer we wanted, the DJ we wanted and a number of other things.
I'm sorry to hear people were trying to steal your happiness, it doesn't matter what they say just as long as you are happy!
2007-11-30 07:46:59 · answer #10 · answered by Angela O 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋