I had a normal childhood. Occasionally, I'd have fights with my siblings, or misbehave and get grounded, but I think that generally, we were a loving normal family.
I have been dating my boyfriend for about three months now, and he came from a very close-knit and affectionate family. He and his siblings were raised to be comfortable walking around the house without clothing, and they hug and cuddle a lot more than I am used to. His parents are very wonderful people, but whenever I visit for dinner or family functions, I feel uncomfortable.
They don't try to pressure me into taking my clothes off, but they will all sit around the table with no shirt or pants. I was just starting to get used to it when, last night, we were sitting on the couch watching a movie, and his father started giving me a back rub.
I know it's just a friendly back rub, but I feel weird being that physical with an older naked man. Can I express my own personal boundaries without offending them?
2007-11-30 06:49:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Firstly, we should bear in mind that it is clear that they are a nice, peaceful and loving family, doing nobody any harm. So we must reserve our judgement about their lifestyle any more than if you were a member of a peaceful and loving family who usually remain fully dressed were immersed in a society where families tend to be unclothed. There is nothing wrong with this behaviour at all.
Simply saying "loosen up" wouldn't necessarily be the right thing to do though. I'm sure that if you simply explain to them that it's just not what you're used to and you're still a little uncomfortable with it, they'd be fine and leave you be. It sounds like you've already done very well to become accustomed to their way of living when it is not what you;re used to. If you want to express your personal boundaries, my sugestion would be to simply say "I'm sorry. I know you mean well, but I'm just not comfortable with that. I grew up in a slightly different background and I'm just not used to it. You're all lovely people, and I'm sure that in time I'll become more relaxed, but for now I'd like it if you didn't do that."
In time, maybe you will loosen up to it and maybe you won't, but either way the boudaries will be clear.
Think of it like this: if you have a dog and you stroke its head, it may like that, but if you stroke his tail he may not and may snap at you. You don't stop loving the dog because of it though, or become offended because he doesn't like his tail stroked, you just refrain from stroking his tail in future. Its just the same really. If you speak up now, they'll more than likely still accept you and like you, they'll just lay off the back-rubs a bit.
Hope that helps :-)
2007-12-01 03:46:48 · answer #1 · answered by Brown Eyed Handsome Man - AM 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The human body is a beautiful thing. Often I have gazed upon great works of art, stood toweless in front of a mirror, or set up hidden cameras in women's fitting rooms and admired the forms and curves of God's grandest creations. Your boyfriend's family is very enlightened and you are lucky to find a man such as this. Obviously the positive upbringing and influence of his family made him into the upstanding young gentleman you are so obviously smitten with. His father was just letting you into his circle of trust and he could sense that has dangling manhood and swaying testes may have put you ill at ease, the massage was his way of saying "hey, we are people too, we've nothing to hide and we are comfortable with ourselves, stop being a prude, missy." Don't fight it, we were born naked and screaming....stop screaming and start being more naked. His back rubs can't be that bad...get over your insecurities and start living life.
2007-11-30 08:41:06 · answer #2 · answered by toasterdevil jr. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should definitely let your boyfriend know that you didn't feel comfortable with his father giving you a back rub. I was always told that unless he's your boyfriend or a family member, guys should not touch you so 'inimately' like that b/c it's supposed to be sexual to them. Anyway, if they can't respect your personal boundaries then that's their loss. It seems that they'll be fine with you telling them how you feel since they seem so open with everything else.
2007-11-30 06:56:45 · answer #3 · answered by fireqqueen 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Um... your going to have to talk to them about it. I mean, sure there is no reason why it should be weird to see someone fresh out of the shower in their boxers once in a while... but completely nude is a little unnerving. Talk to your boyfriend and let them know that you like his family... but you are a little uncomfortable sometimes. Maybe he can help you come up with a solution. Good luck.
2007-11-30 06:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by shadowsthathunt 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
In this present day of strange behaviors and the such you've got to express your concerns. Body proximity has to be respected in a situation like yours.
2007-11-30 06:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by DIVAPRINCIPAL 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They won't know you're uncomfortable, unless you say something...
That something should be said to your BF....
What they do in their own house , is their business, but it is generally accepted behavior to make your guests feel comfortable...
Your part is to understand that everyone has their own point of view...
2007-11-30 07:10:46 · answer #6 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Um, sounds like a perverted family, I'd get out. Do you want your kids getting 'rubs' by naked grandpa??
2007-11-30 06:54:31 · answer #7 · answered by Yummy♥Mummy 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
They should cover up that is inappropriate behavior.They need to seek professional help!
2007-11-30 06:54:19 · answer #8 · answered by crissy 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
loosen up yes
2007-11-30 06:56:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
something must be wrong wit dat family.....n if your bf dnt get mad then *** he must be insane or something n you have to b crazy to do some **** like dat
2007-11-30 06:54:46 · answer #10 · answered by Sinner 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋