my stepson isn't allowed to call me stepmom?

Question

his mom says he can call me "step" cuz "he only has one mama".....i tell him you only have one stepmama no matter what his mom says......meanwhile his dad tells him to call me mommy if he wants, i say no.......this babymama drama is driving me crazy.

he wants to call me stepmom..

i'm pregnant w/ his "half- sibling", lemme guess, she'll make her refer to the baby as his half?(like i'm his step?)

Answer 1

It's going to drive you crazy till that boy turns 18 so get used to it :)

I think that his mother is being a bit ridiculous in not letting him call you stepmom because heck, that's what you are to him. It doesn't mean you're his mother, he already has one and obviously you have no intentions on trying to take over on that one.

I ran into big problems with my stepdaughter calling me Mommy. I never taught her to do this, nobody did, we referred to me by my first name always and my stepdaughter just preferred to call me Mommy. Her mother finally told her to STOP calling me Mommy so my stepdaughter said "fine, she's Mom". And to this day, if people ask her if I'm her Mommy she says "nope, Mommy's at home, that's my Mom".

I think it's cute because she's respecting her Mom's wishes by not calling me Mommy and came up with her own name. We still will always refer to me by my first name and she can continue to call me what she's comfortable with. Kids come up with their own ideas regardless.

Maybe try a name that you and your stepson like? Something silly? Something fun? Whatever the case is, the key to being a step-parent is to pick and choose your battles. This is clearly not something that's worth fighting about. I actually think your boyfriend/husband is out of line in telling the child to call you what he wants because it will only cause more fights down the road.

This is also totally up to you, but maybe talk to his mother and explain your place as his step-mom errr..step person? Tell her you understand it's awkward for her for another woman to be in the picture but that you respect her as this boy's mother and you just want to be there as a friend to this boy. And you're not trying to step on anyone's toes. Keep it short and sweet. All I have ever done is be nice to my stepdaughter's mother....I'm a good person, not trying to hurt anyone, just trying to live my life and be happy. And I won't ever apologize for absolutely loving her daughter....because she's a sweet girl and I'd do anything for her. And if any person can't accept you for loving their child, then they have issues.

Best of luck! Welcome to the world of craziness :)

** ADD **

I was pregnant (my son is now 1) and the bottom line is there's no "step" in family when it's blood related. And my stepdaughter and my son are blood related. So bottom line is they are brother and sister...PERIOD! Let his mother say what she wants but that's your stepson's brother or sister.

My stepdaughter also says to my son "your Mommy says..." and I think it's so cute cuz she understands the difference that I'm my son's Mommy and I'm her Mom. Kids are lots smarter than people give credit for.

Answer 2

You could just avoid the whole thing by the son calling you by a nickname if you're not comfortable with him calling you by your first name. Long ago, before step-parents were so common, we did this with my step-Dad. It didn't feel right to call him "Dad", but it felt disrespectful to call him by his first name. One of my brothers came up with a nickname, and to this day I still call him by it, even though he's not with my Mom anymore. It can take a bit of explaining to my adult friends now a days why I call a man named Jim by the name Simon, lol, but it worked.

As far as the boy's Mom goes, just blow it all off. She just wants to start a fight and be meddlesome. Rise above, set an example for the child, shine in your husband's eyes. Continue to be that way and eventually she'll realize she can't get your goat and she'll give up.

Answer 3

How old is the child? My father remarried when I was 6 or 7. To make it easy I called my step-mother by her first name. That way my birth-mother was never offended and my step-mother was fine with it. Maybe, if the child is old enough, you could ask him what he wants to call you. Maybe suggest he make up a name that he likes or use mommy in another language. Here's a list I found. Good luck :)
http://www.indobase.com/holidays/mothers-day/facts/mother-in-different-languages.html

Answer 4

If he wants to call you stepmom he should be allowed to call you stepmom.
You and your husband need to explain to him that his mother doesn't make the rules in your house, the 2 of you do. Let him know you understand that he wants to please his mother but you're more concerned about him feeling comfortable and happy in your home and whatever he wants to call you is fine with you.
He's not asking to call you "mom" she would have every right to object to that but stepmom shouldn't threaten her- she's just being petty and the only thing it's accomplishing is to make him confused.

Answer 5

Well i can understand where mom is coming from ( thought i'm not a mom myself and i'm a step mom like you) She feels threatened by the new women in her ex's life and her childs life and has this animalist instinct to protect her child and if that means keeping him from calling you step mom then she's gonna do it.

You need to stop telling him he has only one step mom. I'm sure he knows this, as well as it may make him feel toren between being respectful to his mom as well as to you. Dad needs to really stop big time from telling him to call you mommy.

Simple suggestion that is nice all the way around, how about Mom ( name ) your first name. It's a sign of respect from him to you, as well as it's not a way of being disrespectful to her.

As far as what goes on in your house it's your hourse and you and hubby need to sit down and explain to him that what goes on there stays there, unless someone is gettign hurt. And what goes on at mom's house stays there unless someone is getting hurt.

hope this helps.

Answer 6

Let him know at your home he can call you whatever he chooses, as long as it is nice LOL!, but when his mother is around decide on a name that you feel comfortable with it can be "step," or your first name or wife number 2 LOL!

It is just a name.

Answer 7

I see you all telling him what he should call you, but what about what HE wants to call you as?

His mom is right in that he has one mommy: her. However if he were to call you mom it wouldn't change that one bit. She would still be his mom. I wouldn't recommend telling him that he can only have one stepmom, since (god forbidding) something were to happen in your marraige & you were to divorce, that could really mess with him.

My recommendation is that you get him to call you something else. How about making up a pet name or something? You don't have to be called mom or a derivative thereof. It could be something that's complete babble or a foreign word for mom like 'Mutti' (German), 'Madre' (Spanish/Itallian), or 'Mere' (French).

Answer 8

My daughter calls my wife by her first name when she is talking to her, but when she talks about her to other people she always refers to her as mom.

Answer 9

Oh my, That must a hard situation and the poor kid must be so confused.. I know this is kinda besides the point but.. when my grand-pa passed away my gramma remaried, and evryone agreed we should not call him grand-pa cuz hes not really our grand-pa so we called him papa-don. (cuz Don was his name). Maybe come up with something like that. But in my opinion, he has as much rites to call you mom than the other one.. You are his 'replacement' mom.

Answer 10

I think that his mom is a bit jelous and she should set an example for her son. She KNOWS damn well she is his mom and he also KNOWS who his real mom is. There is nothing wrong with him callin you step mom... i've never heard that tho..all my friends call their step mom "mom" or by their first name. maybe his father should have a chat with his baby mamma....shes being dumb