I'm in a bind...?

Question

My brother is engaged to a really awful girl whom I really hate, but I don't want to cause a family fued by boycotting their wedding. And I don't hate her just to hate her...
1. they've only been dating 10 months; 2. she has cheated on him twice; 3. she was about to break up with him but then he got a really good job with lots of benefit; 4. she has made no effort to even be polite to me or my mother; 5. she is a whore.

Should I just bite my tongue or try to stop my brother from making the biggest mistake of his life?

Answer 1

In your situation this is what I would do:

1. If you haven't already - make your opinion regarding his decision to marry this girl known to your brother. Think about what you want to say and then tell him everything in a calm manner. If you have already done so, then skip to 2.
2. After having expressed your opinions in full force ONE TIME, then the only thing you can do is be there for your brother and support him if something goes wrong. He is going to need it.
You can even tell him that you love him very much, but you can't watch him get married...but that you will be there for him when he needs you.

I KNEW when I married my first husband that it was wrong to do it...not one of my friends or family who felt the same way (come to find out later) said anything to me. I don't know if I wouldn't have married him knowing their opinions, but I look back now and wish someone would have said something to me - maybe it would have given me the courage to walk away.

Answer 2

Ugh - what an awful situation!

You should do both - talk to him, and then bite your tongue.

Talk to your brother *once* and let him know how you feel, but do it very carefully. Don't just list all the horrible things his fiance has done or said - your brother will only become angry and defensive. Instead, gently let him know that you're very concerned for him and explain your reasoning. Try to be as polite and non-accusatory as possible (even if you think he's an idiot for having anything to do with this person!) He will probably not take your advice, so be prepared for that. At least he'll know your concerns.

Then, tell him that you love him and that you will support him in his decision and in his marriage. And don't bring up the subject again. Besides, you don't want to create any tension because he'll need your support when this whole thing goes up in smoke a couple of years down the road.

Answer 3

Attending a wedding does not carry any implication that guests approve of the match. You attend to honor your relationship with your brother and so that your family presents a united front to the outside world.

Keep your private disagreements private. Be prepared for the worst, but hope and pray for the best. Sometimes people really DO change, but maybe not as fast as we'd like.

Obviously she doesn't know how to act toward her new inlaws. Maybe you should undertake to gently teach her by example and loving suggestions. It's a lot easier to condemn people for doing things wrong than to teach them how to do it right.

Learn to hate the problems your brother will presumably have instead of hating this lady personally. People aren't for hating. It will put rust on your soul, ugly thoughts in your head, and mean lines on your face. Don't hate anybody.

Answer 4

unfortunately with family it's very hard to make them understand your intentions. If you tell him how you feel they think you are just jealous or controlling. If I were you I would wish your brother the best always. No one knows how things will end up. You can only hope for the best. Your job as a sister is to be there for him. Time will tell what kind of marriage it will be. But that is between him and her. Don't destroy your relationship with him with negative remarks be positive always with him.

Answer 5

Is he aware of her infedelity if not maybe you should inform him but if he just doesn't care there is nothing you can do. Support him and just be there for him who knows it may not last long anyways it appears this woman has a problem staying faithful. Bite your tongue and remember everyone learns from their mistakes including your brother.

Maybe he will be more wise if this happens to be his first marriage but not his last. When he chooses his next bride.

Answer 6

I think if you say anything against this girl you will only make worse your relationships with your brother. I think you should allow him to do what he want to. Maybe my advice is not true but there was almost such occasion some times before in my family. There was family feud but he still continued relationships
In any case it is your decision. Don't worry much about everything will be OK

Answer 7

Unfortunately things like this are the mistakes people have to make on their own. If he is marrying the wrong person it will come out eventually. If they end up divorcing DO NOT say I told you so. Be supportive. And if they end up in a happy healthy marriage, be glad you didn't interfere.

Answer 8

You know there comes a time in everyone's life where they have to make their own decisions. No one else can make them for them even if the other person knows what a mistake their friend or family is about to make!

If your brother doesn't know about her cheating then tell him. Otherwise you might as well stay out of it. You want him to come to you if he has a problem and if you attack her then he will feel obligated to defend her. When things crap out and they eventually will at least he will know his family is there to help him pick up the pieces.

Answer 9

I would have thought that if he had any respect for your family that he would be telling her off for being rude to your mother. Im quite sure she could turn into the mother-in-law from hell if she wanted to.

Sit down with your brother, let it be known to him how you feel, dont tell him not to marry her, just tell him that you think they are making a mistake and leave it at that.

Answer 10

I feel your pain...my brother-in-law is dating a horrible, selfish ***** and I can't do anything about it...and he's preparing to propose to her in the next few years. :( I just keep my mouth shut, b/c I don't want to piss off anyone, and I hope that maybe someday my BIL will see the light.