Another Q about family wanting to witness my baby's birth? Help!?

Question

I invited my Sis to be there for my baby's birth, (a month from now). Then Mom called & said she wants to be there too. I felt bad inviting Sis but not Mom, so I said okay. Then mom said she thought Grandma would really like to be there too, and I should invite her. I thought this was becoming out-of-control. I told her I didn't feel like having a party in the delivery room and all these people were going to get in the way, but somehow grandma got invited, too.

Well, hubby and I have been discussing the possibility of a drug-free birth and I'm starting to feel that, with all these dam people distracting us, I'm going to lose my focus, be completely unable to relax, and won't be able to do it. Plus, I'm worried that SOMEONE will forget who the mom and dad are, and try to run things ("Why don't you just get that epidural, dear?"). I can just see it.

Is there a polite way to go back on my promise? I still don't mind Sis being there...but Mom and Grandma are just too much!!

Answer 1

Oh wow....

Okay..there might be an easy way out of this. Call the hospital and ask the maternity ward how many people they will allow in the room with you. They might say "3," like my hospital does. Then you can say, "Oops...I should've checked that before I asked everyone. Sorry."

If you don't have an easy out like that, just plainly tell them what you told us. You don't want a party in there and although you know they would really like to take part in the birth of your baby, and you really appreciate that, you would like to have more of an intimate setting with just your husband and your sister. Believe me....if they're mad about it, they will get over it. Heck, YOU are the one who is giving BIRTH....so you're the boss, girl. The last thing you need is a bunch of people in there stressing you out. And you're completely right..it will make you lose your focus.

When I was giving birth to my daughter, at the very last minute, right before I was getting ready to push, I kicked everyone out of my room except for my husband and I didn't feel bad about it in the LEAST. My mom really wanted to stay (and told me that about a million times), but sorry...this was MY birth, MY baby, MY new family....and I was calling the shots.

I really hope they take the news well. If they don't, that's very selfish of them. Good luck!! You're so close to meeting your little one...you must be so excited!

Answer 2

Just be straight up with them. it is not being mean because giving birth is not a show. It is an empowering time in a woman life and should be able to invite whoever you want. Just say I just wanted my sis and my hubby to be there because I just want to be more relaxed while giving birth and you do not want any distractions.

Or just say the hospital would not allow no more than 2 people in the room with you while giving birth and you would like for her and grandma to be on call in the waiting area just in case hubby and sis can't take the pressure. I know it's a lie but they have to respect your space and you have to stay calm for the birth- I'm sure you do not want complications. It is about you, that baby, and your hubby. This is your branch of the family tree now and now mommy have to gracefully back off. It may hurt her feelings but it's more about her looking at you as her little girl having a baby than anything. Think about how you want your birth to be and you can make your decision.
Good Luck and many blessings to you and your family.

Answer 3

Perhaps you should explain the situation to your sister. Maybe she can soften the blow for Mom & Grandma. She can say something like, "With all of the baby planning and prep X has been taking care of, she seems really stressed. She feels bad having 'invited' so many people to the birth that she's afraid she's going to have a stressful delivery as well with so many people in the room. Do you think you [mom] and grandma would be okay with waiting outside the delivery room? I [your sis] would absolutley keep you updated on what's going on, but I just want to make sure she's relaxed."

Answer 4

I would tell them you need to play it by ear. You have no idea how you will feel during labor and delivery, so you want them to be prepared to leave if that is what is most comfortable for you at the time.
My mom and mother-in-law came to the hospital during my first birth experience (drug free) and stayed with me and my husband in the labor room. When I hit transition I kicked them out of the room in a not so polite way! To this day, almost 18 years later, we still laugh about it!
This is your body and your baby, so do what is right for you at the time.

Answer 5

we at the instant are not against celebrations or festivities in the event that they have not got pagan origins. We celebrate anniversaries, graduations, homecomings, residing house "warmings" and many different issues and celebrating a sparkling arrival isn't a occasion we come across scripturally objectionable. toddlers are a modern from God and all mothers and fathers settle for congratulations for this chuffed journey. Such congratulations and presents are hardly ever provided completely interior the 1st 24 hours of the childs delivery or retricted to that day, fairly they're provided in the process the term (hours, days or weeks) after the unquestionably delivery**. an excellent thank you to % out the version between a occasion of a delivery and the social gathering of the DAY of that delivery then is that "birthDAY" celebrations are limited to the 24 hours of the calender date of the delivery and are first celebrated 3 hundred and sixty 5 days after the delivery no longer on the day of the delivery. This each year ritual of celebrating on the day of a man or woman's delivery is steeped with religous/pagan superstition on a similar time as the popularity of presents and congratulations for a sparkling born toddlers arrival isn't; it is in simple terms a conventional custom devoid of religious or pagan magnitude. **even with each thing if a infant have been born 5 minutes to hour of darkness, that would supply acquaintances and kin basically 5 minutes to "celebrate" the (delivery) DAY.

Answer 6

When I was in labor, I had my hubby and my mom and my aunt and a friend wanted to come in and check on me, but I really didn't want all those people there, so the nurse told them they aren't allowed.
So, when you get to the hospital, the nurses and going to speak to you alone. At that time, tell them you just want your hubby and sister. The nurse will be the "bad guy" and tell your mom and grandma that they are not allowed in there..only 2 other people are allowed in. The nurse will cover for you!

Good Luck!

Answer 7

tell them the hospital will only allow hubby and one other person in the room at one time. that they will have to take turns coming in. that way they are not all there at ONCE. then make sure the staff at the hospital knows this so they don't let everyone in. this way everyone gets to feel special, and you don't get over whelmed. if it is a long birth, they can also do things, like bring daddy some food and such.

good for you for going natural. i did it. but i also have to say my son only took 5 hours. however after 4.5 hours i told them i changed my mind and wanted the drugs, but they said it was too late, time to push.

Answer 8

It is your choice who you want in there... you need to stick to just you and your husband for now. It is hard to tell what you will be feeling at that time... and I was honest with my mother about that. If at that time you feel you want someone else in the room, go ahead and invite them in... a lot of people say that by that point, they don't care. You'll just have to wait and see.

By the way.. I have seen television shows such as "Special Delivery" where the whole darn family is in the room.. mother, father, etc... those people are NUTS! I would never allow that many people in the room. I don't want EVERYONE to watch the "show!" LOL

Answer 9

Any chance you can make your doctor or maternity ward the heavy?

Regardless of the type of delivery you choose, there's a LOT going on during childbirth. Our hospital's guidelines allowed for the mother (obviously) and her partner, plus another person (doula, mom, whatever) to be present during labor. But that's it - everyone else had to wait in the adjacent waiting area.

Now labor often goes on for a long time, and our hospital did allow for, say, the dad or the second person to swap out their "backstage pass" with someone else in the waiting room for a visit, as long as the mom wasn't yet in the final stages of delivery. We didn't do this, but I know moms who did.

Obviously, I wanted my husband there. But looking back, the more people who need to be informed and updated and, as you say, get their two cents in about the process, the more stressful.

I'd apologize that you, ahem, "didn't realize" that they have rules about these things. But stress that the whole family is welcome in the waiting area and can come see the baby as soon as he or she makes her appearance.

Your Mom and Gran might fuss, but it seems to me that in their day, the fathers weren't even allowed in the delivery room. (Remember all those images in old movies of Dads pacing the hospital corridor, waiting for the doc to come out and tell them "It's a boy!" - there's a reason for those.)

So unless your Mom is the type to call your doctor up and complain, I think you'll get away with citing hospital rules and regs. You might even say that it's a security measure to prevent baby-napping. (In our big city hospital, that's actually the reason they did strictly monitor the number of people admitted - or so they said.)

I know exactly how you feel - I thought I was going to have to hire bouncers when our son was born!

Good luck!

Answer 10

Tell them ALL no now. Your having a baby for God's sake and you better stand up for yourself now!!! Can you see what is going to happen when all of these people get together and start telling you how to raise this kid in the future. You and your husband better present a united front to all these people and say....No....No Way!!! If you decide to let your sister in...then invite her in when she is at the hospital. Tell the nurses to keep everyone else out. You might not even want your sister there once things get rolling. This isn't a block party your holding. You better get everyone mad now, so they can just "get over it."