It has made it so that i avoid basically that whole side of the family. I never felt like they cared about me anyways. They know i'm angry so it makes it harder to want to see them> They invited me for a xmas thing and i'm not going. It's just how i deal...ignore, avoid. I cant help it.
2007-11-30 04:11:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
well it was their mother (my aunt) who invited me to the xmas thing. I have gone the past 2 years and it was painfully awkward. I dont want to go. I was going thru a divorce 3 years ago and my cousins treated me like ****. They felt i was acting crazy when i got drunk. They were acting the same way. They dealt with it by not speaking to me until i asked what was wrong, then they basically slammed my characted and berated me over email. It was too much to deal with. I look back and put myself in their shoes and i never would have treated someone like that!!
2007-11-30 04:34:32 · update #1
Huns sometimes in life things happen... people change... and the ones who you once thought were close, seem the most furthest away...
But then there will come a time when when it will all catch up with you. Ignoring them is just running away from problems. Sometimes you try and not be so selfish and give them a chance... If its the best thing to go separate ways for ALL of you, then do that...
This life is too short to hold grudges with people you could love the most. When it comes to family you have to learn to forgive. We are only humans... No body's perfect. We make mistakes, and we should use them mistakes to help us in the future. Become a better person... Stand by the ones who are true... Follow your heart... Don't let selfishness and mistakes ruin it.
They have invited you to that Xmas thing. They have already made the first move. At least try and move on by going there, talking through things. Not to start everything, but to end all of that awkwardness hopefully, and start a fresh and maybe even a more better relationship with them...
You do care, you wouldn't even of asked this question if you didn't. So go for it, don't let the past ruin your future. Let the past help make the future better for you... If they don't come around then at least you tried. That will make you the better person... :)
Hope it all works out for you, and im sure it will, if you just let go of the past... :)
Tell them how much they hurt you, but still your willing to put it behind you to try again. Don't hold grudges hun, if they push you away, then atleast you have that satisfaction of knowing 'I still tried although they hurt me so much'... People do wrong things, maybe they were a little immature at that time and might understand alot more... give it a try hun... :) If you dont get on with them two, then don't allow that to ruin your relationship with the rest of your family. Thats not fair on you or them. Im sure your love for them is much stronger than that... always keep them close to your heart... :)
2007-11-30 04:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without prejudice. Yes, you can help it. It is your choice to remain angry and in doing so you are hurting yourself.
Forgiviness is not only to the people that you FEEL have done you an injustice, but it is for your own health and welfare as well.
Why don't you change your mind. Dress up to the nines,hold your head high, with a smile on your face and be the sweetest, nicest person at the Christmas gathering. They will so surprised and floored at the change.
Christmas is not a time for you to remain angry and stubborn.
Let go of it, and do yourself a favour by taking away that terrible feeling of anger and hurt.
You can help yourself, without thinking of those that hurt you.
Be the better person, and floor them with your pleasant personality and smile.
Peace and love,
2007-11-30 04:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know your situation but is it worth it? I mean when these two family members pass away, is your hate what you really want them to remember you by on their deathbed? How bout when you pass away? If you can look at yourself in the mirror and be happy then go for it.
I consider myself to be a grudge keeper and as long as someone wants to carry something out, I think I can outlast them. However, when someone invites you to a "x-mas thing", I'd say that's a moment of truce or even their way of saying "sorry".
Remember, there is no point to a War if Peace is not the end result. You hating these two family members is pointless unless something good comes out of it. Hope this helps.
2007-11-30 04:18:39 · answer #3 · answered by untamed_soul 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It you want a relationship with these people, go. If you don't then skip it. We all fight here and there and the first part of making up is speaking and getting along......Someone has to make the first move and they have by the invite. Whether or not they fully meant it whole heartily is not the factor. They were big enough to swallow the fight to invite you should be big enough to go and resolve this. How long does one fight need to last?? Until its blown clean out of proportion and you can no longer even recall what the fight was originally over??
That's how people grow apart, sometimes to far. Be sure you have no value of this relationship before you allow the distance between you to become steadily larger.
2007-11-30 04:23:18 · answer #4 · answered by savahna5 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know best. If you are not ready to deal with this, dont go. If and/or when you are interested in going, why not talk with the aunt who probably is aware of all this. Explain you would like to start fresh and avoid this juvenile behavior and what would she suggest? But that is only IF you want to . Who needs aggravation on the holidays?
2007-11-30 04:44:55 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the situation but, I can feel for you on the holding grudges thing. Whether you go or not thats up to you. You know your family's situation, I don't.
Try to make peace within the family on that day. If anything starts that you disapprove of, (fighting, bragging etc) leave. OR Could you go to a friend's family gathering?
2007-11-30 04:27:44 · answer #6 · answered by blueeyesofblue2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you say they dont care but i think you might be slightly mistaken. If they didn't they wouldn't have invited you for christmas.
It almost seems like your acting a bit spoiled about this.
And you can help anything you choose to help, so why not just give it a try, it's not like they are asking you to come and live there or be buddy-buddy with them. They just want to see you, maybe they want to appologize
2007-11-30 04:24:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say what it is that has made you so angry. So it is hard to give you good advice.
You need to solve the underlying problems - are they petty? Can you allow time for everone to mature and grow up? Or are they serious crimes against you.
Don't go if you are resentful and angry. Allow yourself time to mellow.
2007-11-30 04:23:47 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My aunt gave me the best advice in the world. It takes practise though. Get Over It! You don't have to forgive them, you just need to be civil to them if you see them. You can always leave early, and you might enjoy yourself too.
2007-11-30 04:17:24 · answer #9 · answered by Bridget S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hi.. sometimes it's easier for others to avoid their own issues when they can point out someone else's faults.
isn't that screwed UP?
Hon, you dont' have to forgive anyone, and you certainly don't have to go to an event or celebration which makes you feel uncomfortable.
Do something you like, instead.
2007-11-30 05:07:28 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋