Guys: Would you perceive this girl as a "drama magnet" and avoid dating her?

Question

My friend has had all these bad things happen to her in the past 2yrs since meeting a guy that possibly wants to start seeing her again(a recent string of bad luck):

1) on the 1st sexual encounter she had with this guy while they were dating, she got pregnant (this was despite using condoms--which broke--and taking the morning after pill)

2) while pregnant, her friends criticized the guy & meanly assumed that he wouldn't be there for her or the kid. She miscarried not long after.

(some time later, her and the guy broke up)

3) she had 2 friends + 1 parent die during the span of half a yr

4) half a yr after she miscarried, she confronted the guy about her true feelings on some subjects that she'd stayed hush about before. She admitted that she felt slighted when he didn't visit her during the time she was bedridden & in pain during the miscarriage, but that she didn't express her anger at the time b/c she'd wanted to remain "laidback" and "cool."

(this was during the time period that she decided to become more assertive & to stop hiding her feelings so much)

5) she went through an HIV scare(with a guy she met 1.5yrs after their break-up) and is still going through testing to find out for sure if she is + or -

Would you consider this girl a "turn-off" due to all the bad stuff that happened to her? Or, would you acknowledge that sometimes bad stuff happens to someone and these things shouldn't be used to define who someone is as a person?

Answer HONESTLY, guys...would you be turned off and running for the hills? Would you think she is a "drama magnet" or would you be understanding?

To the 1st poster: That is a very valid concern. I am surprised to see that a guy identifies the lack of assertion to be even more of a problem than the other stuff!(pregnancy, HIV scare, etc)

The girl went through a period of "finding herself" last yr, where she broke out of her compliant, submissive shell and became more assertive and self-defensive. I think the "hiding feelings" bit is a thing of the past for her now. She even made "become more assertive" her New Year's Resolution last yr! lol

As far as how she handles things...overall she's a stable person with a good job, decent money, and she avoids stupid/illegal things such as drugs or heavy partying. When she was pregnant, she was determined to raise the kid and budget money...and she had the $ to do it. She ditched the unsupportive ridiculing "friends". Now that she's going through the HIV scare, she's sworn to drastically cut down on hook-ups and to see life differently. Those are examples of how she reacts to things.

NOTE: These "dramas" weren't so much a result of extremely out-of-line things she did or brought onto herself...they were more examples of bad luck. E.g., the pregnancy despite taking precautions.

The way she ACTED through these small catastrophes was, for the most part, very calm, complacent, stable. The only time she "flipped out" on this guy was in her e-mail half a yr later, when she admitted that she'd been hiding her feelings about times that he wasn't there for her...and that was during the time that she broke out of her subservient shell and sought to become more assertive and straightforward.

NOTE: Do looks make a difference? If I said that this girl is considered "hot," would guys be more likely to overlook the drama than if she was "average looking" or no great catch? Just curious what a typical guy's mindset would be.

NOTE: To give you an idea of how she is a "drama magnet," I guess I could compare her to the disastrous scenarios in the Ashton Kutcher/Brittany Murphy movie "Just Married." I suppose I could also compare her to that kid Oliver in The Brady Bunch, the four-eyed cousin who the Bradys were convinced was "bad luck." She doesn't act dramatic or inappropriately...it's more that unlucky stuff seems to happen to her.

Answer 1

I don't know if I'd dismiss her as a drama magnet, but the stonewalling about stuff that bothered her is a red flag. I've been in a position where I thought everything was OK, and the woman I was dating suddenly hit me with, "I don't think we should see each other anymore." I'd rather know about the problems before they become too big to solve.

Answer 2

to tell the truth I don't use a persons past as a reason to run for the hills as you put it.

BUT I'm not going to lie. If I would have heard all of these things. I would be on a pretty short leash. If i was seeing that those types of things are staying in the past I'm all good. But at the first sign of Drama I would probably take off. I would not give her the benefit of doubt. If things started to come up.

I would have to be head over heals. To not pay attention to that stuff.

Answer 3

bad things can happen to good people (I'm a prime example) but it depends how she handles everything and whether or not she dwells on the bad stuff.

Answer 4

I wouldnt date her based on her horrible karma alone....