Why do so many adoptive parents out there just want a caucasian baby?

Question

This really bothers me. I talk to my adoption agency on a weekly basis. They have around 7 or 8 awaiting couples and only one who is interested in a baby that is biracial. They have no one who is interetesed in an African American baby. Everybody is also very specific on gender. Then, people who adopt a caucasian baby still act like they are Mother Theresa or something, when in reality, if they didn't adopt this baby there would be hundreds of people in line to adopt he/she.
I'll admit that there is racism out there and it even exist in my extended family (thank God not in my immediate family), but it's not that big of a deal. You can overcome it. Also, my husband's family is Middle Eastern and had no concept of what adoption even was. It doesn't exist in their culture, but they love my son sooo much. It feels good that we can educate and open minds through adoption. Hopefully it will help to conquer racism as well. Why don't people take a chance? What are they so afraid of?

I don't mean to insinuate that I adopted my son to conquer racism, but it still feels good to see people open up their minds through the adoption of our son.

I think I must have pushed some buttons on this post. I'm pretty sure I'm not racist since my husband and my son are not white. I'm hopefully trying to encourage couples out there to take a leap of faith and step put of their comfort zone just a little bit.

Actually, I really wish that when a natural mother chose adoption, she would have as many options as a natural mother who is having a white baby. I just don't think it's fair to her for my adoption agency to have to scramble around to find an adoptive couple. This makes me very sad. I also agree that they should not be discounted. My adoption agency thinks this is very unethical and I am in total agreement!

Tish: Thanks for the support. Why are they calling me racist? Can you explain that too me?

John S: Finally a reasonable answer. I can understand that. I think that's why we need to surround ourselves with people of all different races, religions, cultures etc... My inlaws are immigrants from Iran and I love being in a family that has a different culture. I also live in a town that has a large mexican population and I love it too! Life is so much more interesting when you're not around the same people all the time. I couldn't imagine living in an all white nieghborhood and my kids going to an all white school. It would be so boring!

Answer 1

I guess in some cases having a child that is the same race as the parent’s cuts down on odd question from people, about the child’s adoption. In these cases people are likely not going to even know that the child is adopted unless they are friends/family of parents, or if it’s divulged to them. When having a baby that is a different race or even bi-racial makes it more obvious the child is adopted(not that there is anything wrong with that) Or in the case of bi-racial (or mixed raced) someone might assume that someone was unfaithfully. Like if a white couple adopts a Eurasian (white/Asian) baby someone might think "hmm the wife had an affiar with an asian man."

I do think when someone who adopts a child that is not their race it can open so many doors for them. You can learn new cultures that you might not have learned if not for your adopted child that is from say Romania, even might be able learn a bit of a foreign language. Like if I ever adopt from Brazil I think I might try and learn some Portuguese since that is their 1st language there.

Even if you just adopt a different race baby or child from America there's still so much that your family can learn and make your live rich and diverse, even by becoming friends with people that are the same race or ethnicity of your child, that you might not have gotten to know otherwise. Diversity is really cool, I live in a very diverse neighborhood and I wouldn’t want it any other way. If I one day have kids, adopted or both I will raise them in a diverse area.

Answer 2

I think it's silly as well. Adopting "transracially" will mean you have to open yourself to two cultures, but a responsible adoptive parent would do that anyway. It's hardly likely that if you come from a French background, so will your child. Maybe their ancestors were English, Dutch, or Italian!

Anyway, I have a funny story about this. I know a family here that adopted two daughters (they're biological half sisters by the way). The couple is "anglo" or "white" or whatever (Polish/German decent really - if you want to get picky). The older of the two girls is fully hispanic, and the younger is half hispanic. However, because the adoptive mother is very dark complected, other people almost NEVER believe that the full blood hispanic daughter is adopted. This has a good bit to do with facial structures, and other similarities, but it's funny. However, when the mother is out with both girls, or with only the biracial daughter, she is often asked if that girl is adopted.

Isn't that strange? I know that asking "is she adopted" is social taboo, but people still do ask it. Anyway, we've just always found it very funny that the daughter who SHOULD have caused them more trouble (if you don't agree with transracial adoption) never does, but the daughter who shares their race (at least half way) is the one who brings out the questions.

Answer 3

Sometimes it's due to the racism of others that prevents adoptive parents from adopting outside of their race. Part of adopting a child is being aware of your surroundings and how those surroundings (family, neighbors, neighborhood, school, etc) will react to this child. If you happen to live an area where a different ethnic background could become trouble, it would be irresponsible to simply brush it off as 'it's THEIR problem'. It's not just about becoming a parent, or providing a home for a child. It's about doing what is best for the child and sometimes, that includes not adopting outside of your race, depending on your family, or the area you live in.

Answer 4

I don't know why some feel that way. My hubby and I feel that it doesn't matter what race or sex a child is. If you want children badly enough you will be grateful for which ever happens to come into your life. We have battled with infertility and let downs with trying to adopt to the point we gave up for a long time. We just wanted kids and we didn't care about race or sex we were going to love them no matter what. Why all adoptive parents aren't like that is a sad thing.

Answer 5

I have no idea. Perhaps they feel more comfortable adopting within their race. Perhaps they know its easier to blend the child into the family if its the same race. Perhaps its simply easier for people to assume its the parents biological child if they are within the same race. Or maybe they don't even consider race. Maybe a 'white' family simply falls in love with a 'white' baby. No matter the reason, its their personal decision and I don't feel like its my place to judge. At least they are adopting a baby. Caucasian or otherwise, adoption is a beautiful thing.

Answer 6

I'm sure you've seen the argument and backlash a white couple receives for adopting outside their race. You get asked by people why would you do that. Unfortunately in this day and age people still use race as a weapon. I believe if you can provide a child a home then any child would be happy to be adopted. However it's not always the case. I've had friends who've had their kids rebel b/c they aren't black parents after devoting 18 yrs to them. As you said racism is here, it's too bad b/c every child deserves a home.

Answer 7

I am a transracial adopter. It IS even more responsibility to adopt outside of one's race than it is to adopt (and adopting is more responsibility than having biological children). I owe my daughter the experiences of being with other people of her race, of being proud of her heritage, of understanding she may encounter racism, of knowing how to cope with racism in different circumstances. When adopting, we became a bi racial family. We knew that as a result we might also face bigotry. We have. The additional burden and racism are part of the reason some people don't adopt transracially. I think it's worth it because all children deserve a permanent loving home, but I also think that if you adopt transracially, you can't be "colorblind" because the world is not. (Sadly)

Answer 8

I don't know why people care about color. Maybe they want all their kids to look the same or look like them a little.
My husband is Asian (as are his siblings) and his parents are white. His mother's siblings come from all over the globe. There is just as much love and togetherness in his multi-colored family as there is in my all white family.
I agree with you, people need to learn that family is the people you love un-conditionally and it has nothing to do with genetics or color.

Answer 9

I know people that get criticized for adopting children that aren't of their race. I think there will always be those that negatively criticize people for any reason. Adoption is a beautiful thing and it an individual thing as well. Some couples/individuals may choose to adopt children of other races and some couples/individuals may only want to adopt children that would be as similar as their own biological children. Who are we to judge their choices or reasonings, as long as they give children loving and stable homes? Good luck. 2D

Answer 10

I didn't know that was the case, when we adopted our son 17 years ago, we specifically put on our letter to the birthmother, that we didn't care if our baby was green....
I adopted my son (who happened to be white, because his birthmother chose our letter and because the other birthmothers who had inter-racial children, changed their minds.
I gave birth to my bi-racial son.... go figure.
I have a feeling that there are some people who want to adopt and want the "perfect" child without regard that even if you have a child, they can still have issues...
sorry for them... glad for me...