Dealing with telling my 3 yr olds were giving away our doggy..?

Question

We have decided after a few changes in our life, we can not have our dog any longer. We are giving her to my sis-in-law who works in a special needs home (where the dog has been to visit & loved it). So we are going to donate her there, were she can have all the play time and attention that a wonderful Shih tzu needs. The problem is, my 3 yr old daughter is not adapting to the idea (even though she doesnt interact with our dog often). I told her that "we are going to let the doggy go live with the sick people so she can help them get better and you can visit her anytime".. but in response we're getting "no shes my puppy" with a sad lil heartbroken face. I am not sure what to do. We are tryin to do whats best for our family and the dog, and after long talks this is the way to go. I just dont know how to handle this regarding my daughter. I dont want to hurt her, this is hard enough for all of us, but we plan on doing this by Xmas. Advise anyone? Please...

Answer 1

We had to get rid of a dog that was unstable around kids. Our kids were around 3 and 1. I left them at home and gave it to an adoption agency. The crying lasted about. 5 minutes and they moved on. I wouldn't make it any more traumatic than it has to be. She's three, she'll get over it.

Answer 2

She will probably be sad, but the bigger deal you make of it the worse it will be. I wouldn't bring it up again unless/until she does. Just quietly donate the dog (I would even do this without her present if that's possible.)

I have a feeling that in the excitement of Christmas she will soon forget all about it, but if she asks in the future, you matter-of-factly tell her the briefest version of what you have already told her that it was for the best for everyone. Loss of pets happens one way or another to all families sometimes not by choice. You do have the option of taking her to visit the puppy in its new home in the future if you feel it would be helpful for her, but right now I think the less said the better.

It's possible (though not really likely) that she is internalizing this and thinking that you may send her away at some point, too. So though you don't come right out and express that (in case she hadn't thought of it that way!) you do go out of your way to express your unconditional love for her in other ways--lots of hugs and kind words and getting her attention focused on other happy things. Take her to see Santa, look at Christmas lights, shopping, caroling, etc. Whatever activities of the season are part of your holiday rituals and routine and get her mind off this and on to happier things. If I were you I would avoid anything that might remind her of dogs--movies, toys, etc. if you can help it.

There could even be a bit of "drama diva" going on here. If she senses that she is getting to you with her sad little face, she will continue to use this tactic every time you cross her. You have to be the parents; if you have decided it's for the best, then do NOT under any circumstances back down, or you will live to regret it.

Answer 3

I've found that the best way to give my children bad news is just to straight out tell them. Tell her, one more time, that you just aren't able to keep the puppy anymore and he needs to go live where he can do good work. You know that she will miss him but that's the way it is going to be. Perhaps she can visit the dog sometime. And then, just do it. Give her a chance to say goodbye to the dog. She will continue to talk about this dog for years to come but if it is best for the family, then it's best. She's only three. We had a dog when I was little that died when I was four. Apparently the dog and I spent a lot of time together and I was very sad but honestly, I really don't remember the dog at all. I actually had forgotten the dog by the time I was in the first grade. Your daughter will likely be the same way.

Answer 4

You are making the choice which is best for you and your family and i know you dont want to hurt your daughter but at the end of the day it's you that sorts the dog out so what you say goes take the dog to the home and let it settle in for a few days and take your daughter to visit she might see doggy is happy and then realise she can see it whenever she wants to if she still kicks up a fuss may be best not to see the dog again and eventually she will adjust to life with her doggy. Good Luck

Answer 5

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by giving the dog to the group home. You as the parent need to make the decisions as to what is best for your family and the dog. We did the same thing with our cat and my 3 year old was upset at the time (sad, heartbroken face and tears), but it was definately the best decision for all involved. My daughter has gotten over it, and I think our cat must be much happier now with it's new family. If you're going to do it, do it sooner rather than later and don't let it drag out. Good luck!

Answer 6

Maybe if you involve her in taking the dog, so that she feels she has some option in the matter. Letting her see how happy the people are to have the doggy there. Maybe the old, all these people wanted for Christmas was a little dog, just like this one...?

Maybe getting her a toy dog, so she still has "her puppy"-that she can sleep with and wag with her wherever she wants to go. In the end, you have to make the best decision for your family as a whole, not to mention the dog, and if it hurts her feelings, all you can do is to explain it to her as best as you can. She may not like it, but sometimes, that's just what you have to do...

Best of Luck

Answer 7

Your daughter is 3. No matter how you tell her she will still look at you with that sad face. I understand that you need to do this and I think where you doggy is going is great. It will be good for the dog and the people that are sick. Maybe try telling her that she will still be her doggy, but her doggy has to go help people who are sick. If she can truely visit anytime she wants, then she can look at it as she is helping the people too by sharing her doggy with them. She will still be sad of course, but it will fade. The phrase "out of sight out of mind" comes to thought. Maybe give her a stuffed puppy that looks like the doggy and tell her that while her doggy's off helping people, she will have the toy puppy to remind her how much good her doggy's doing.

This is tough, but I'm sure you will all get through it.

Answer 8

wow. that is a difficult decision. you need to make sure that your daughter understands that you are making this decision after a great deal of thought. Also, don't hide your sadness regarding your choice. Too many people think their animals are disposable: trust me, I work at an animal shelter. You want her to grow up valuing animals and recognizing what a commitment they are. The worst thing to do is promise her one later. That will only teach her that animals are replaceable, which they are not. The good news is: children are VERY resilient. She will get over this much more quickly than you will. Since your decision has already been made, I would execute it swiftly. It will give you the opportunity to adapt to the dog's absence before the holidays approach. Good luck!~

Answer 9

While I agree with your sister-in-law, that it was too soon to tell him, I TOTALLY disagree with her contradicting you to your child. She might as well be saying "Mommy & Daddy are liars." Personally, I would have waited until he was 8 or 9 maybe....... Part of being a child is belief in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and so on. I figured it out for myself when I was 8 years old. Now, my best friends oldest is 11, and believes in Santa still. *I* think shes' too old for that nonsense, but would never overstep my bounds (I'm more of an uncle than her own blood uncles) and tell her otherwise. Certain lines are not to be crossed, even by family. Yes kids can still enjoy the holidays without Santa, but he's three. I can almost guarantee that by NEXT Christmas, he will have forgotten that Santa is not real, and you'll have to explain it again. (He doesn't attend M.I.T., does he? :-) )

Answer 10

Take her to the store and let her get a big stuffed animal that she can pick out herself to replace the dog, tell her that she can name it the dog's name and that she can always hug him or talk to him if she misses the dog. You could draw a picture or write a letter for the dog to take with him when he goes also. But ask her how she feels about going to the store for a replacement animal, I'm telling you it works. Good luck I know it's a hard decision but those special needs kids/adults will get so much from your donation.