Lesbian Couple w an 11 year child. Do you think it is ok to give a child an allowance for her chores?

Question

My girlfriend has a daughter who is 11. My girlfriend gives her daughter $5 a day if she does her chores. I personally dont think that is acceptable because we are enabling her to do things for money and not because this is something that she needs to know how to do when she grows up. She will know how to take care of herself. I believe in allowance but more so because we should as parents give her a little something for her things and to show her the value of money. which i can tell you she does not know the value of a dollar. please advise..should you pay your child money for chores.. and what chores for a child are acceptable.. Remember she is 11..thanks

Answer 1

A child should not be paid for regular chores,,,they need to learn that in life-we all have to contribute in order for things to function properly and smoothly! Good grades and things of that nature, I would reward. Children need to appreciate, especially in today's society when everything is so expensive, the fact that they have a roof over their head, food in there belly, all of which cost money and are not free. Chores, sculpt whom they are and who they will become as a person. I never got paid for chores-and I respect my parents so much. I did get money from the "tooth fairy" and for good grades,,,things that you would and should get rewarded for. They have to learn what respect is about...and to respect you as a parent, they must do their part. If you pay them,,,and let's just say that one day, you can't afford to pay them for their chores,,,will they stop doing chores? Good luck!

Answer 2

We have four daughters and the three of them have chores and we do not pay them to contribute to the household. We give them money for their piggy banks and when they have enough they can buy a special treat and the rest is going into their account .Each family must first decide on the chores and then if they want to pay them . In your situation it's a little harder because she's your girlfriend's child and they have done it this way before you were in the picture.The child is going to get very upset if you take away her money now . Speak to your girlfriend about maybe only paying for some chores and doing others for free. We have them set and clear the table, make their beds , put away their clothes ,feed the dog . Good luck .

Answer 3

i think you'll find that people are about evenly split on this issues. families do it both ways. some people have an intermediate way of doing it which doesn't explicitly tie the money to chores (since chores are expected), but might withdraw the money as a consequence if the child wasn't being good (which could include doing chores). Personally, I'd keep the two things separate, but I'm not sure it makes a huge difference.

btw, isn't it great how many people are slamming you since it's irrelevant that you're a lesbian couple? of course it is irrelevant ... but i think it's promising that people finally just don't care about other people's sexual orientation :-)

edit -- i also agree $5/ day is too much. an 11-year-old doesn't need $35/ week!

Answer 4

Five dollars a day? That's a bit much. Actually, you've tapped into a long standing controversy. Do you expect your child to do chores because they are part of the family and family helps out? Or, do you pay your child for chores so that they learn that when they have a job, they have to earn their pay? Both views are equally valid. But I think what the kid above said pretty much sums up the problem, he won't do anything unless he's paid. At our house, we split the difference. My daughter gets an allowance because she's part of the family and we use her allowance to teach her money management. But, if she fails to do her chores, we "dock" her allowance by a preset amount. Also, if she wants to earn extra money, we give her jobs that are outside her normal range of chores that she can do. Oh, and my daughter is six and already understands saving and giving to charity.

Answer 5

If the child is working hard enough to earn that 5 dollars, then yes she should get it. But this should be every week. NOT EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! She needs to learn to use her money wisely which won't happen if it is being given to her just like that. If your girlfriend really wants to give her something daily, then give her a dollar. That ends up being more than 5 dollars a week (but she may decide it isn't worth it for just a dollar because she is used to 5 dollars).

Also, it doesn't really matter if you are a lesbian couple. Good job for caring about the well-being of the child! Good luck!

Answer 6

It is fine, but I think $5 a day is too much, should be more like a once a wekk payday of $5 - $10. Also, there should be a set of responsibilities that she should do that do not require her to get paid. She must learn the difference between what she "has" to do and what she gets "paid" to do.

Look at it this way. For every little thing you do for her, take away a $5 bill, she will quickly get the point that not every chore is worthy of money.

Answer 7

At that age my children had daily chores and then were paid extra for doing extra work. They got a base allowance of $5 a week reguardless of doing chores. $5 a day seems quite high, unless she has to pay for her own clothes or lunches.
The object should be to teach her to be responsible for her chores and her money. If you give her too much, she won't learn.

Answer 8

Lesbian couple part is irrellevant to the issue at hand.

I believe a child should learn responsibility as soon as possible. That means learning about chores and what to do and not to do.

I think giving your child money is one thing. Giving them money to do what they're suppose to or should be doing anyway is different. I don't think it's BAD, but I don't think it's necessary.

You should teach your child about life and responsibility. Not to expect money or they become money hungry and overly concious of the effect of money.

But nevertheless it's her daugther not yours. Respect her parents (women) are very defensive when it comes to their offspring. Let her raise her child as she sees best fit.

Something like money for chores isn't a make it or break it with your significant other kind of issue. So don't waste your time on it with her.

If her daugther was sleeping with older men, that would be a concern. Money for chores, is it really worth the argument?

Answer 9

Well $5 a DAY! That is way.... too much. Try $5 a WEEK! She should be doing chores like...setting the table, cleaning the table, making her bed, keeping her room clean, or if you have any pets...then feeding them. And yes $5 a DAY is way too much you guys will go into debt in a year at this rate. Lets see $5 a day X 365 days a year = $1825 a year. See that is way.... to much.

Answer 10

I think it's ok to give a child an allownace . It's also ok to expect certain things from her as in helping with the family house. She's 11. So she can bring her clothes down to be washed. Help sort them into piles. Keep her room neat. help load or unload the dishwasher.

You may need to sit down with your partner and really discuss these things. Come up with a solution you can both back. Be a united front.

My son is 7 and he's chores are to keep his room neat. Take care of his hamster. And to bring his clothes downstairs.
he on his own has taken to vacummin and doing dishes to "help" mom He get 5 a week.