my dad has said some VERY hurtful things to me against my life,religion,race ect.He disowned me(he's bi-polar)

Question

I would like to write him a goodbye letter telling him that if he ever changes his mind i would welcome him back into my life...I need some help writting him a letter...Ideas?

i have 2 mo old twins

DAD doesnt live with mom

I have done nothing wrong!!! he decided he doesnt like my religion,my puertorican half,or the fact that i am still working instead of staying home with my babies

Answer 1

My three children's dad is bipolar and it's been a year this month since we had to have him removed from our home. Bipolar is something that is extremely painful for those who have to deal with a relative that has this mental illness. You can write him a letter if this will help you get through this but honestly he may even forget some of the things he has said to you. In your letter keep him up to date on the progress of your children and your life as if he never even said anything to you. Just let him know that you are there when he's ready to talk. My kids are 15, 14, and 8yrs old their dad has told them that he will never speak to them and have said so many nasty and cruel things it's not even right. (He did it to me too.) But they continue to write letters to him and guess what?,he writes back like as if nothing ever happened. Also I suggest you "write" a letter to his illness. Seriously in this "letter" you tell the illness what affect this has had on you. Then you can either burn it in a safe place, crumble it up or cut up into pieces and throw in a river or in the garbage whatever. So that you can get these feelings out. Either way I hope that it can help you move forward and not hurt you so much. Good luck.

Answer 2

People often project their own shortcomings and fears onto others. Your father is mentally unwell too. So you really should forgive him for all the hurtful things he says and does because in a way, he really can't help himself. He is lost and doesn't know how to find his way.

I think you need to keep all this in mind when you write him whatever you write, but if you make it final and say goodbye, you might just be cementing shut any hope has. I'm not saying the onus on his getting better is on you, but you shouldn't say goodbye, just say that you can't be around him anymore until he learns to make peace with himself and then hopefully he can start accepting that you are a different human being with different expectations from life and that you must find your own way too, right or wrong.

Could be your dad just loves you and maybe you are doing something which you will regret. Funny how often parents are right and usually a decade or so later, the kids come back and tell them so.

So, not judging, but just saying you should not shut any doors or do something you will later regret and have to live with forever.

I understand that you need some peace and tranquility in your life too and you should tell him that is the reason you must separate from him now, so you can move forward with clarity.

Answer 3

My father did that. We were never good enough, never tough enough, never smart enough (you know the drill) I finally realized he was a little man inside and knew no other way. I just kinda lived with it. we all did. But we never had real good relations with him. He never told me he loved me till he was on his death bed and close to gone..

I know now that he was extending his thought of himself onto me.
i have a daughter froma previous marriage that always finds some reason to have a problem with me and stops talking to me. I've seen my Grand kids a total of about 6 years and they are in their 20's. This last time it was because i didn't call her after the flood of '98. I mean c'mon the phone lines were down and I called her number 5-6 times per night for at least two weeks. She told my mom she never wanted me to talk to her again because I didn't call her at the rmoms. I don't even know the number or her mom's last name anymore. I just made peace with the fact that i am her personal Boogeyman and the fact that the grand kids have either been programmed or agree with her since they do the same thing. I was always the favorite grandpa for those years and sent them $50.00 each early for their birthdays after the flood since they had to move and woud want hings for their new rooms. I stopped a granpa in law from feeding whiskey to my 5 year old grandson yet was a good guy and am still the boogeyman. go figur.

I guess let it go. the letter may make you feel better but it won't help to drag it up. He made his choices. Maybe he was raised that way. i don't know your race or his but I do know that all races have people that see others at fault for their perdicaments in life or they see them as inferior or whatever.

Answer 4

If he's bipolar, he's psychotic and doesn't know what he is saying and that they are hurtful. I went through this with my sister for 55 years. She was just horrible, and never said a kind word to me at all. Finally she was committed to a nut house so I don't have to see her. In your case just take what he says with a grain of salt and overlook alot of it. It would probably be the best for you. If you do write a letter to him, go easy, as I said he's psychotic and probably doesn't remember alot of what he said.

Answer 5

The letter should talk about specific things he has done to hurt you and how it made you feel.

But I would probably give the letter to my Mom, because she will know when he is in a rational enough phase to understand it. Otherwise, he'd probably just tear it up.

Answer 6

hmmmmmm

maybe he couldn't help saying some of those things

see if he says sorry or not

he should be sorry for hurting you if it was intentional

why not just say you mean and mean what you say in the letter

you don't have to write like Shakespeare or anything like that

Answer 7

I understand you have done nothing wrong. Yet, if I were you, I wouldn't have written him any letter, knowing that he's somehow sick.

He may even get worse with that letter.

Answer 8

instead of saying good bye, just write a letter explaining to him why you can't be around him until he learns to respect you and your decisions.