Parents only, if your 17yo daughter told you she is or has lost her virginity what would you do?

Question

in case i accidently become pregnant. I am going to take steps to make sure I don't but everyone tells me that it is still possible.

to give you a picture of my situation, i am a virgin until christmas, my boyfriend and i are planning on having sex that day, the first time for us both. My parents wouldn't allow me to take sex ed classes or even tell me about sex. They insist on me staying a virgin until marrage but my sister did that and she divorced her husband because sexual problems. You can IM me to get some futher details or help me as well. Thank you.

Answer 1

Not a lot - she'd be over the age of consent - but we'd be having an incredibly frank discussion about contraception and protection against STDs, regardless of how embarrassed she got. If she was in a steady relationship, I would expect the boy to be known to us. If not, she would be in no doubt whatsoever how deeply unimpressed I was with her personal standards.

If, after all that, she got herself pregnant, I'd be pretty damned unimpressed with the pair of them. The boy and his family would NOT be shirking their responsibility to my daughter and (probably) my grandchild.

However, I trust all four of our teenagers to act responsibly. So far they've never had any problems coming to me for information and advice about "life", and presumably they will continue not to. All I've ever asked is that they stay safe, healthy and legal.

EDIT: Just saw your additional info.
your parents want their heads examined - and they don't appreciate having two bright responsible daughters, either. i wouldn't generally encourage you to go against your parents' wishes, but at 17 you are a grown woman. They have been most neg;ectful of your upbringing so far and should be grateful you weren't pregnant at 13 through sheer ignorance.

There are clinics you can go to where they will sort you out with contraception, information etc. It would be good if you and your boyfriend can go together. How much about sex does he know? Has he been to the classes at least? There's quite a lot of information online.

Answer 2

well my neice is 17 and was 16 when she found out she was prego. her b/f died in unexpecedly when she was only 4 monts along , and now has very little to sport her and the baby, but is doing well under the sercmstances. she has her own place and is getting her ged. her mother was of no help to her all her life she just wanted to get rid of her daughters and i'm a fraid that the other is soon to follow. she is now 15. so than your lucky stars that she told you cuz these girls have been sleeping around and did not tell till this happened!! good luck. and yes i'm a parent too. i have a 18 yr. old step son an 11 yr.step daughter and i have 2 sons of my own they are 2 and 6. i have been here since the oldest was 6 and was just 18 at the time. again good luck!!!!!

Answer 3

As a parent, I would be personally disappointed that I raised my daughter poorly. But I would put that aside, and if I had not done so already, I would have the "birds and bees" talk with her. I would explain there's no was to "accidentally become pregnant." I would suggest that although she lost her virginity, it doesn't mean she has to continue having under-age, out-of-wedlock sex ... an act that can last just a few minutes yet change her life forever ... pregnancy, disease, etc. As a child support professional, I would also tell her to ALWAYS get the "lover's" Social Security number. And, last but not least, I would take her to a day care center and have her volunteer for a couple of weeks. Those little tykes, I believe, can provide a wonderful lesson on why NOT to have sex ... until you're ready to address the consequences.

Answer 4

Allison, Please get some advise on safe sex - particularly as it is the first time for both of you - condoms can break if you don't use them properly. I hope that it is really special for you both and that you don't regret taking this step. If both of you went to a doctor together to get advise on contraception - this would show how responsible you both are. I wish you luck, I hope it is special. As a parent - I would be supportive of my daughter - but I am not your mum so instead I suggest you support yourself in the way you wish your parents did.

Answer 5

That is not something any parent wants to hear but if they are realistic they know it can happen. Depends on the parent on how they would react. I would be surprised to hear my daughter tell me she lost her virginity but I guess it would be good that she feels close enough to me to share that information. If she came home and said she was pregnant I would be upset but not yell or scream (that doesn't help)...I would sit down with her and find out what she is thinking and feeling and figure out what to do.

Answer 6

I would thank her for being honest and open with me. I would talk to her about the emotional side effects of starting a sexual relationship and losing your virginity. I would insist that she have a gynecological exam and that she had proper birth control and understood completely the dangers of STDs. This deserves a lot of thought, good for you. Good luck.

Answer 7

Forget about what your parents would say. You need to know all the facts before you have sex, to make sure you know how to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or an STD.

Answer 8

take her to the gyno to have her tested for stds and you & the gyno can talk to her about the risks together.dont get mad at her its gonna happen anyway.be understanding and tough without loseing your temper. be gratful she told you its probaly really embarrasing to her.put her on birth control.i know you are mad but try to be understanding so she can feel comfortable to tell you things like this in the futer.unfortunatly in this day & time there is not to much we as parents can do about it except keep her trust so that you can stay well informed.good luck... be strong...

Answer 9

I would explain to my daughter the risks of having sex out of wedlock or sex at all....they dont just worry about unplanned pregnancy....there are a treasure trove of nasty diseases out there that can and will cause life long problems.

It isnt something I would want to hear...but no parent wants to think their child is being wreckless....but Id rather know than not know.

I say tell your parents and get advice on taking care of yourself. You obviously dont know how to do it yourself.

Answer 10

Be very disappointed that I had failed her especially if it was just casual sex because I think its wrong to have sex before marriage. I would hope she would be able to talk to me about it. In reality I know from experience this is hard for parents as we dont like to think our precious little girl could possibly have sexual feelings.