My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past?

Question

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
year ........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat **** in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
(Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail program .

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7
million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a
customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
a water buffalo on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if
I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it
can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling
up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial
a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park
because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head
at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of
my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study
has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual
activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Best wishes,

Answer 1

Very funny.

Answer 2

Cute