serious question?

Question

I was gang raped a little while ago and I have a great boyfriend i like to think that my boyfriend took my virginity and not the other guys!! They really hurt me. I dont know how to deal with it or men. Men scare me I mafraid they are going to hurt me. I have to be normal again!! I DONT KNOW HOW!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Dear Vanessa, I am so sorry for the terrible tragedy you had to experience and still do... I am also a rape survivor. In my case, it was at the hands of someone I trusted the most. However, the traumatic reaction of emotional and physical variety is quite similar to what you are going through, sweetheart. The most important thing for you to understand here: it was never your fault. So, to make sure that you feel that in your heart, I would research info on rape through the Internet. Normal / healthy men do not hurt women; it takes a mentally challenged individual to do what they have done to you, dear. Have you shared your story with your family? I did, and they were wonderful in their love and support for me. I also went and got professional help: that truly helped me to feel myself again. It also takes a long time and a lot of work on yourself not to let this thing rule you. It made me very angry at some point of my recovery, that by raping me this bastard has tried to force me into role of a victim. I used that anger to go out and prove him wrong. I worked really hard, kept very busy with my education and succeeded.

BTW, I do not know how you can be in a healthy relationship with a man right now... For me it took a few years to be able to trust someone again. If you found a man, who is strong enough in his love for you to handle all the pain of your emotional recovery, please hold on to him for ever.

Sweetheart, please do not ignore your pain. If you do, it will destroy you and sabotage your relationships with everyone.
Life is not over, because you were violated that day. Use your pain to learn about how powerful you are at overcoming anything that life throws at you. Do not be afraid of the future, because it will always be brighter than yesterday was. I am a living proof that it is possible to beat this thing and built a beautiful future on ruins of your pain. The very best of wishes and I will be keeping you in my prayers.

Answer 2

The longer you live with this experience trapped inside you, the longer these criminals will have power over you.

Contact a Rape Crisis Centre or Rape Victims' Support Service today, and talk with one of the caring and experienced counsellors there, who can work with you to find a way for you to move through the grief, pain and trauma you are experiencing.

You can speak to someone anonymously and confidentially.

It's great your bf is a good guy, and you can feel and believe what you want about your virginity ~ after all, that essential part of yourself that is 'you' is yours to give, not someone's to take.

You don't have to live in fear, and you don't have to be burdened with this ~ there are people who will share the load and help you through.

Being afraid of men, and of other people in general, is absolutely ordinary after what you have been through ~ it's a natural part of the mind's defence reaction against further potential danger. With help and time, you can feel more 'normal', and more safe.

Today's a good day to start feeling better, and to be more in control of how things are going in your life :-)

Take care! :-)

Answer 3

My situation is probably so far removed from yours that it might not be of use. But I was assaulted as a child.

I think first off, that time heals all wounds. Second, you aren't ever going to be the exact same person that you were before. This is a part of you now. Of course it changes you, and to try to act like it doesn't will only bring you more pain. But it doesn't mean that you will never love again. It might take time.

As to what you can actually do, I would recommend that you talk to a therapist, if you haven't already. Tell your boyfriend about the way you're feeling, in writing if it is too painful to do it out loud. And last, you've got to hang on, because life is long and there are certain to be joyful things in your future.

Answer 4

Others have given you good advise, I am sorry about what happened to you, but I very well understand what you are feeling.

I agree, you need professional help, the trauma you feel needs helps and is serious!
You also need to help yourself in the sense of not blaming yourself!

It is normal you will be afraid of men for a while, then you will be mad at them. This is a normal process as these are the steps of healing: shock, pain, anger and at last acceptance. This is why professional help is so important, it is very important you don't stay in the pain or anger phase for too long, as it will disturb a happy life.

I don't agree with Whiner, as I think you have to talk about this, hiding it just makes it worse. If your boyfriend loves you, he will understand. These things become poison of the mind when they stay hidden.

I don't know what else to say, please look for professional help!

Hugs

Hi Whiner: If her boyfriend can't understand something as serious as this, when she needs so much support and love...then...it is not a man who will make her happy at the long run.

Edit again to Whiner: Unfortunately rape is not something is forgotten, it hunts you back again and again. It affects your future relationships, especially the relationship with yourself and of course any joys in sex. it is devastating to a person (man or woman by the way), because it makes you feel like an object, it is the extreme humiliation . That is why it is of relevant importance that she gets professional help ASAP. This can pull her into a dangerous deep depression...unfortunately these kind of events are not easy to forget, they become monsters that hunt you, unless you fight them, with the understanding and love of people close to you and again of course with professional help

Answer 5

Call the Women's Shelter or Rape Crisis hotline NOW. You probably won't be able to be 'normal' again without help. You shouldn't have to go through this alone.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

The best advice I can give you is to see a counselor. If you can prove that these guys raped you, report them to authorities immediately.

Answer 7

Your virginity is a gift that no one can take from you, because it comes from your heart.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. It wasn't your fault. If you want to heal faster, you need to deal with this. Have you gone for counselling? Is there someone close to you that you can openly discuss this with?

IT WASN'T YOU FAULT!!!!

I'm praying for you.

Answer 8

I've never been raped, so I honestly don't know what to tell you. However, I did star this question so that others will see it, and I encourage everyone to do the same.

Answer 9

A psychologist can help you through.Time is a healer and with help things will change

Answer 10

if you think are able to fully or at least partially erase the memories of the experience, I would encourage you to NEVER tell your boy friend about what had happend to you.

Flyinghorse - actually i agree...IF he understands....IF..IF he understands......but will he?

Edit................

Flyinghorse - Again, i agree....but is it really worth taking the risk in telling her bf the truth if she could forget about what had happend to her and just move on with her life.

Edit..................

Flying...I've never said she shouldn't seek professional help. What i meant was that guys do think differently most of the time and sometimes its not about love or being shallow or anything like that.

Lets just say that TIMING is crucial.