what would you do with a husband like this?

Question

I have reached the end of my tether with my husband. we have been married 2 yrs.he is fantastic to my son but he just cant communicate. when i try to talk to him he clams up and wont speak, he goes in huffs for days and it is driving me mad as nothing is ever resolved. eg he wont let me sing when listening to my mp3 player (i only do this about once a month). so last night i thought i would try to talk to him i said " i was upset that you wont let me sing after all i put up with your simpsons everynight, soaps everynight, football games and tv 24/7 (he loves tv i hate it). i said could you not let me have that one pleasure once a month,he didnt say anything so i promted him and said " what do you have to say" and he replied he had nothing to say. agh what do you make of it? he never says sorry and is never in the wrong either
Also in a joke i had asked why he never drags me to bed anymore for s** it is always very late now when he has finished tv. he just ignored me and stayed up late

Answer 1

Get a chainsaw, and cut his beloved T.V in half, if that doesnt get him talking, nothing will

Answer 2

Things don't get this bad overnight. Sounds like the lack of communication has been going on for a long time. I think if you try to sit him down and talk to him honestly and say don't speak until I'm done, and just let it all out. See what he says. If you love him and you want the relationship to improve, it is a two-way street. You cannot be in the marriage alone- you need his input and his help and he needs to put his heart into it as much as you are. Communication and trust must be in the marriage, or you have nothing but a roommate. But, too many marriages fail these days and I dont see the harm in trying to talk things out instead of just walking away. Try suggesting a therapist if things do not improve. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hi cottontail. Some men find it difficult to communicate when confronted with the truth no matter what it be. Although you say he is good with your son, he seems to be very immature with in his self. he sees the TV as a way of not having to communicating, yet when you sing along with your mp3 player it seems to distract him. I can understand you being upset after all his is getting his enjoyment!!!. Men some feel threatened but being asked direct question and I quote ("what do you have to say") its a very in your face question that can cause all sorts of problems, You could ask him "how he (feels) about your singing along with the mp3 and tell how you (feel) about him watching the TV day and night. Communication is not always about being so direct, but being tactful and sympathetic. You need to find away of getting him to communicate in a adult way rather than walking away from the problem. If you think about the question before you ask, and ask your self how you would feel if someone asked you the same question, if you feel good about it then is it the right way of asking. He may not have anything to say, but ask him how he feels about things, this may help him open up a little bit more. But keep the lines of communication open. Best of luck....David

Answer 4

Be glad he's quiet - some scream and holler over nothing.

Dear, I think it's the way you asked him. Try something very simple and non-combative like "Sweetheart, when would it be convenient for me to sing?" Do it with a smile in your voice and on your face.

Put on your good nightie & a squirt of perfume and cuddle up to him when he's watching TV. Rub his neck for him.

Read the Fascinating Womanhood book and also Created to be His Helpmeet.

Have a joyful attitude, maybe it will be contagious.

Joy to you!

Answer 5

Sounds like a bully to me. Have you thought that maybe he's having an affair?
Did he used to like sex and now rolls over? Men can't go without it, so if he's not getting any with you, chances are he's getting it elsewhere.
If not, then you need to sit down with him one evening, turn the tv off and make sure your son's in bed and say in a calm voice that if he values your marriage you seriously need to talk to him. If he ignores you you'll know where you stand.
Hope it works out with him, but if not, don't worry. You'll be fine.

Answer 6

Maybe you should give him a taste of the same stuff. Ignore him a little, I bet he wont like that. If that doesnt work start taking care of your self (Wink Wink) Maybe that will get him to join you. Try to see if you can get him to go with you to talk to someone. Also you have to ask yourself has be always been like this? If so maybe that is how he is and you are going to have to choose if that is the way you want to live your life.

Answer 7

I feel so sorry for you. There's nothing worse in a relationship when there's no communication.

What would I do? I would threaten to leave and see if that rates a response.

But from my experience, guys don't want to be perceived as the 'bad guy', and will do everything possible to get you to make the decision that he is too cowardly to make. Therefore, in his mind, it was YOUR idea to leave and to break up and not his.

Really....I feel for you. I really hate the silent treatment.

Answer 8

People don't generally change for no reason. Sounds like resentment. It has grown. It didn't happen overnight. He will see the problem as something you have done. Communication must be maintained because it is hard to regain.
You both probably don't need each other. Sounds like you're both unhappy.

Answer 9

I have the same problem and just recently my husband has started telling me his feeling after telling him I didn't think our relationship was going to work. I don't have the bed room problems, so I'm thinking he's bored our cheating. Try something crazy and wild and after you had a good time try to talk to him then. Good luck

Answer 10

Problems in marriage are normal. Serious problems are not abnormal, but they can only be fixed via the consultation of an unbiased arbitrator. Consider marriage counseling, and know that a marriage worked for is a marriage appreciated. Never let divorce be the first response.