I really really need help and fast?

Question

I' am going through what i want to call concensual break up with my girl, I dont know if im being unrational and making a big mistake, my problem is that i think she's too parenthood oriented in other words too close to her parents and sister that she forgets that I exist, were not doing good intimately either, I blame that she's still young by the way she is 21 and that she has someother goals in her mind rather than to make life with me on our first break up, I though she was stressed out for working and helping me out with the bills, but to a point i was understanding, but i dont get why she did not put the same effort on our relationship than she did with her parents and relatives????? the first time we broke up she claimed i didnt understanded her, now its me who took the step she confessed she wasn't really happy and that she had other goals but that she felt in debt with me????help please.thanx

Answer 1

It's called immaturity, she still has to grow up and become a responsible adult prepared to stand on her own two feet.

You have two choices. You can wait until she does mature, patience in this case is required - it may take years; or you can leave now and find someone who is more compatible with your stage of life.

Answer 2

Hmmm...first of breaking up is never easy to do. One person at least always gets hurt. However, this situation is hard to explain. Because I really am all for close families, and I think more people should be that close with their mom and sister. However, I get the feeling that maybe this was just an excuse in this situation because she didn't know how to tell you that she wanted to move on. And also, for the future, keep in mind, good woman do want to hang around with the moms and sisters and thats a good sign of a good woman and a good family unless they are going bar-hopping all the time. :)

Answer 3

She's close with her family - don't be jealous of that. It's no reason for a divorce.

She gave up her goals when she married you and now you have her working. The first year has a lot of adjustments. Maybe you could rearrange your finances so she can do some of her goals, too. Consider moving to a less expensive area. Oregon has no sales tax for example.

Look at some of the marriage restoration websites for help.

Joy to you.

Answer 4

She wants out but dont know how to do it. So she switches everything around to blame it on you...when you know your the one trying. If she confessed that shes not really happy then shes not happy but because of her reasons and not financial issues. Shes 21 and shes probably not ready for what you have to give her. If shes not being intimate with you that should say enough. Shes not 52 shes 21 and I dont know a 21 year old that doesnt want to be intimate. Shes playing you.. keep it moving..good luck.

Answer 5

Sorry to say but I think this relationship is beyond saving. If she told you she is not happy then that means she wants a life without you. There is probably nothing you can do but let her go and find someone going in the same direction as you. Don't waste your time on this relationship anymore. Let her do her own thing and maybe one day she will see what she lost. I hope you find someone who makes you happy.

Answer 6

sounds like your young and do not understand a woman.
you blame her that she is young ,and there is nothing wrong with that! (being 21 and all that)--sounds like she is wiser then you. and you may not like this answer to ur question ,but it seems she does not understand how another person she felt she cared about could start off being so controlling. "IT" sounds to me your loosing a good thing --even though there are 2 sides to every story. LOVE HER--- AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND HER! Other peoples feelings beside ur own. sounds like u got a lot of growing up to do! good luck with this one...PEACE OUT--"FISHSTICKS"

Answer 7

Maybe you got together too fast. If you want another chance to make it work. Date and don't live together yet. You say she is 21, well she is still finding out who she is. Maybe you are older and know what you want, she is still trying to figure things out. If you dated a little longer, you probably would have found out more about her. Try dating someone a while before moving in together.

Answer 8

Hey, I have seen divorce first hand and I am married to someone who has been divorced and watched him go through it. it is tough and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. My Hubbie is very "Attached" let's say to his family and it is very annoying but one thing that has helped us is counseling. If you can say 100% that you love her more than you will ever love anyone else and she can say the same about you then I would give counseling a shot. Make sure you gave your love the fairest of chances before you give up on it. Good luck to you and remember, no matter what, God will always love and accept you.

Answer 9

I am going to assume you have a few years on her, from the way you are talking. Are you divorced? Were you the first person she moved out of the home with? All these things happened to me and my woman (I have 9 yrs on her). The first year was rough, because we also moved out of her hometown, but 4 years later, things are much better.

Answer 10

It's hard, but at age 21, she's young. You sound like you're the mature one in this relationship. You need to be with someone who is your equal and partner, not someone you have to father. Because she's so young, she will most likely change her views and goals many times before settling down in life. Just move on.