Moving out of parents, with or without boyfriend?

Question

I have a long time boyfriend, for about 4 1/2 almost 5 years now. my parents, being the nice people they are, have accepted him into their home and he's been living with us for the past few years. his dad does have a house right down the street also, but he would rather spend the nights with me. my problem is that he's very bad with money. we decided to move out and get our own apartment, but he hasn't saved any money. he'll get his paycheck and blow it that day on drinking and partying. sometimes he'll drink for two days strait. now i'm feeling like i should just move out without him. i could afford it myself, i just got a promotion and already have enough saved. but i know he'll end up spending nights with me anyways and not having to pay rent. basicly, i want to still date him, but him not to depend on me. how do i go from living with him to casually dating again? i already know he will not offer rent money if he stays w/me. please don't say break up w/him, i want a solution.

Answer 1

Move out with out him. Have your parents make him move home. DO NOT give him keys to your new place or let him spend the night, until such time as he demonsrates he is mature enough to handle his money like an adult.
The conversation should go like this;
You: Baby I love you & I would like us to get a place together, but you've done nothing to show you are capable of acting like an adult with your finances. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm moving out into my own place. I would like you to leave my parents house and move back in with your dad. When you have shown you've grown up, by gettting a place of your own & paying the rent & bills by yourself (for say 6 months), maybe we can talk about moving in together, but as it stands now, I am not going to let you have keys to my place or even spend the night at my place until you can show me more respect than blowing you paychecks on drinking & partying.
Him: But baby, I thought you loved me. How can you do this to me?
You: I do love you which is why I want to give you this chance to grow up & prove you love me.
Him: But that's not fair!
You: And me busting my tail to pay rent & bills while you p!ss away your paychecks dringing with you buddy's is? Listen here, if you think I have so little respect for MYSELF that I'm gonna support you drinking & acting a fool, you better think again. Now grow up & act like a man, not some drunk fool.

Answer 2

Okay, I will not say break up with him even though I think you should but get your own apartment and don't let him spend the night until he gets his act together, otherwise known as tough love. The only way you will see if he is worth hanging on to is if you make him move back with his dad and just date for a while. If he cares about you he will make an effort to get his life together, stop drinking up his paychecks and start putting some money aside for a future with you. You have to be rough on him or he will simply take advantage of you as he is already. I will give you a site regarding self esteem and happiness that might also have some answers for you. If he wants to move in with you tell him that he has to give you a certain amount of money to put aside and just give him an allowance. I suspect he may not want to do it and then you will know that this will never work out if he is more interested in the partying and good times.

Answer 3

Get a female roommate and let him know it's not cool he crashes their except on the weekend. If he wants to live with you then set a financial goal for him to save like $1000 or whatever,
Then tell him he can do his partying, but when he lives with you, agree to a certain amount of his paycheck going into savings he can't touch (or have him give to you) like $100-$200 a week or whatever for rent and utilities, etc

If he doesn't do it then just keep your female roommate until he straightens out. If he never does, well either you got to accept that and me his new mommy and take care his half of bills if you eventually ever want to live together...otherwise, teach him tough love and kick him to the curb or he'll never have reason to grow up!

Answer 4

Just be aware that you are signing up for this for the rest of your life. He isn't going to change and if he does you won't be the one to change him.
So let's see...a solution...okay...have him start a direct deposit of x amount of dollars from his paycheck directly to a bank account with just your name on it. That's the only thing I can think of ...otherwise I say let him move in and you pay the bills cuz that's how it will end up anyways...right? Not right or wrong...just know what you're choosing and don't complain about it later...you know 10 years and three kids later.
I have no doubt you will be financially fine but I will wish you good luck for happiness!

Answer 5

You need to set it straight that you are getting your own apartment and he is welcome to come over and visit you but you do not want his belongings there. Do not give him a key and tell him when it is time to leave. Good for you being independant. I will say though that you have a red huge flag with him spending money on drinking and other stupid things. He is immature and he will eventually try to get into your apartment.

Answer 6

i think you should ask him to go back to his father's house or get his own house. you should move out alone, but don't leave him in your parents' home. then, dont let him stay overnight. you are being too easy on him, thats why he's not saving up or doing anything right. tell him to give you his pay checks, if not, hes not allowed to see you until his next pay check. this way you keep track of his money and save up moola for him.

good luck!

Answer 7

if you want to spend the rest of your life with an alcoholic, you're going to be one, miserable lady.

take care of YOU... he's not responsible and has an addiction problem...

if it were me, i'd tell him to take a hike.

P.S. try Alanon.

Answer 8

the sex must be great if you still want to be with this loser!
i wish i had a suga mama