I recently went to home country with my husband for 4 months. My relationship changed with my husband there. He totally ignored me over his family there. I felt emotionally bad. So later when I went to stay at my relatives, I went to Pubs and found someone who I got carried away with and cheated on my husband 3 times. At that time I had no regrets but now after 4 months I feel very bad and curse myself. I dont know how can I turn back and undo it. If he was good with me, this would have never happend. Now we got seperated because of other issues between us. But still I feel bad that I was not on straight path and went ashtray. Please tell me how do I make myself feel better on this and stop thinking that I have fallen in my own eyes.
2007-11-29 14:12:42 · 10 answers · asked by Lilsasha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In the same trip later I found out and its confirmed that my husband cheated on me too with my own Cousin. They even went for a week vacation and stayed in same room for 4 days. But Still I feel bad about all this.
2007-11-29 14:21:48 · update #1
Sorry Spelling Mistake: Its "Went Astray"
2007-11-29 14:41:17 · update #2
I'm sorry to tell you that "comforting yourself" isn't what this is about. It's about healing your marriage, and moving on.
1. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TELL YOUR HUSBAND. Do not volunteer any information about the infidelity. All you're doing is healing your guilty conscience at the expense of an innocent person.
2. DO NOT BLAME YOUR HUSBAND FOR WHAT YOU DECIDED TO DO. Your infidelity is a decision that you made, and now regret, and the regret is a good thing. It is better to take responsiblity for our own behaviiour, instead of putting the blame for it on others. You would have no sympathy whatsoever for an abusive husband who said "If my wife would have just listened to me, I wouldn't have had to hit her." Yet, that is the same reasoning that you are applying to yourself.
3. YOU HAVE NOT "FALLEN" You made a mistake, and you are human. I think I know what you mean when you said you "went ashtray", but you might want to fix your typo before anyone makes fun of you.
I'm Christian. I don't know if you are, and I'm not going to lay religion on you anyway--other than to say if you regret your bad behavior and you are resolved to live a clean and decent life from now on, then God has forgiven you.
Now is the time for you to forgive yourself.
2007-11-29 14:30:53 · answer #1 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband hasn't seen his parents in a while so it stands to reason that he just wanted to catch up on what's been going on. When you move away from your family and you finally get to see them it's like you can't get enough of them and for you to not understand that is unbelievable. Why would you need his attention any way,your his wife and you will get his attention when you two go back home. I don't no, maybe I'm just missing the point here. You should have allowed him to enjoy HIS time with them instead of trying to make him feel guilty for wanting to be with his parents instead of you. Are you that sensitive to think your husband was doing it on purpose. I think your husband was just so happy being around his family and he knew it was going to end so he wanted to be around them as much as possible and you blow it way out of proportion.
About you sleeping with another man,it does no good feeling bad about it,it happened it's over and is time to put it out of your head. Look at it like this, your husband did the same thing as you,do you think for one second he is dwelling on it,hell no. You did it to him and he did it to you, you both did a bad thing to each other. You now know what you are capable of when your drinking and angry. I think you have learned your lesson and you won't let that ever happen again.
2007-11-30 09:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change it. It will always bother you. You were weak, and someone probably played on your emotions. It happens all the time. I am not saying it is right, just that it does happen all the time. You may never forgive yourself, and if he knows, he will never forgive you either. It's a good thing it does bother you. It shows you have a conscience and a good heart. You are only human and humans make mistakes. It should be easier to live with knowing that.
2007-11-29 14:24:42 · answer #3 · answered by sillybreaze 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
For one thing, you shouldn't feel bad at all, since he cheated on you too! As for you falling from grace, in your own eyes.....there is no other way to say it, other than....GET OVER IT! People make mistakes all the time, nobody is perfect and if you KEEP ON punishing yourself, you are wasting all the good moments that could be in your life! Especially if you have children, you OWE them a happy, well adjusted mother and to be any less than that, is CHEATING THEM.
2007-11-29 14:32:07 · answer #4 · answered by Michelle B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that type of mustake only happens when you are looking . and you will have to live with it the rest of your life.2. wrongs dont make it right i am not judgeing you but being seperated dont justfy it . or what he did with your cousin either you as well him your husband need to set down and talk i went throught this back in .2002 and divorced my now . ex. wife over what you have done this will never go away i think you know that god bless you both i really mean what i have typed .?[. a mistake] is not knowing] knowing is different. ?
2007-11-29 15:00:49 · answer #5 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry but you cannot turn back and undo it. You simply have to live with the consequences of your actions... just like the rest of us.
The best thing you can do is learn from this mistake and seek professional counseling. You need to find out why you felt the need to go to such extreme to punish your husband. Sure he was wrong, but to cheat on him as a form of punishment... that's not wrong, that is sick.
Good luck.
2007-11-29 14:18:15 · answer #6 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Put it in your back pocket as a reminder not to travel that road again! You took a dangerous curve in your relationship, it could have been a wreck...move on from this guilt learned lesson...all is not lost...and for Christ sakes don't tell anyone about it...go to church and confess if this is what you need to get it out of your system.
2007-11-29 14:27:30 · answer #7 · answered by nancie_usa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you got separated because of other issues later, it was just a matter of time anyway. Your straying didn't help, but you can't lay all the blame on yourself, so please give yourself some slack.
If he didn't respect you enough to treat you good around his relatives, what good is he anyway?
Try to move on the best you can, and whatever else you do DO NOT curse yourself..
2007-11-29 14:22:35 · answer #8 · answered by freebird 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have to forgive yourself as it was at a time that your marriage was on the rocks ,treat it as a learning experience cheers ♥
2007-11-29 15:01:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if it's something you're sorry for, ask God to forgive you, then forget it and don't do it again.
2007-11-29 16:19:24 · answer #10 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋