I need more time to get settled in life. She says its now or she's finding someone else. i don't want to lose her. She is 25, i am 26. Should we wait? What is a good age to get married? What should i do..
2007-11-29 12:15:13 · 25 answers · asked by abizman 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not about age. Do you want to marry her or not? Or do you want to marry her but not right now? Be honest with yourself and then be honest with her. If you marry her just so you won't lose her then that's not fair to you, but if you don't want to get married and she does, and she leaves because she doesn't want to wait for you to be ready, then maybe she just wants to be married to ANYBODY rather than married to YOU.
How long do you need to "get settled"? Ask her if you can have that long, and then *work on it* - don't just wait around for your time to expire. If it's more than a year or two? Then let her go find someone else, because she has a right to happiness too.
2007-11-29 12:22:27 · answer #1 · answered by Elizabeth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't sure you want to marry her ever, then she certainly has the right to move on after 5 years.
Don't marry her if you don't want to, that will only lead to problems.
However, if you DO want to marry her eventually, I'm not sure why you need to wait at this point. 25 and 26 is not too young to get married. I agree with the other poster who said you should be getting settled in life together, if you want to be married in the future.
Also, while ultimatums are not necessarily nice things, no woman should have to be dragged around by a man who can't commit to her. If she doesn't leave him she may never get what she hopes for.
2007-11-29 15:26:27 · answer #2 · answered by learning_to_live_616 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T TAKE ULTIMATUMS!!!!. See the situation. She is willing to leave you (doesn't she loves you?) because you wont get married?. a woman wont ever leave you if she loves you. She is just thinking like any other woman with a goal of getting married and they don't care if it is with you or someone else, and you have been told that. Let her go. And yes, you are way too young, you need first to be done with school in case you haven't, accomplish and get a good job, make some money to be comfortable, enjoy that money, do a couple of trips, live adventures. Have you thought what is the benefit of getting married for a guy?, none. And women?, other than they will keep half of your belongings or you may have to end up paying alymony until your last breath I'm not sure if there is any for guys. Anyway, that doesn't matter, let her go, and go for the life of your dreams, or find someone who will love and care about you and wont put the rules.
2007-11-29 13:16:00 · answer #3 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a BIG RED FLAG man. My GF and I dated for four years, she even ran away from home to be with me when her parents wouldn't let her date me. After about two years she started talking about marriage. I said I wanted to wait a while more since she was 18 when she left home and I was 23, so I was 5 years older than her. She finally started saying things like 'How long do you think I'm going to wait?' and 'I might not be here by the time you get around to marrying me.' So I finally broke down and did it, thinking four years was long enough to know somebody and I did love her. Well two months after we got married she ran off, left me, and we are in the middle of the divorce right now. She said that she wasn't ready, even though she pressured me for two years to marry her. As we speak she is dating some guy she met at school while we were married, who of course at the time was 'only a friend, don't worry'. BS, I'd say be VERY CAREFUL. If she loves you she will wait, if not, then you probably wouldn't want to be married to her in the long run any way. Girls who talk like that are the ones who walk out ten years later with the kids, and then you end up paying child support, alamony, having a broken family and a broken heart. Watch out man, you don't want to be that guy.
2007-11-29 13:10:24 · answer #4 · answered by Heart of Stone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in particular do you feel you need to get more settled before marriage? Because if it's something that you can do in just a couple of years, then your engagement could be that long.
You're ready when you're ready, though. It's not that you don't love her, right? Explain to her exactly what it is that is holding you back. Be honest with her and tell her that the last thing you want to do is lose her, but at the same time, you need to respect her need to want to be married.
2007-11-29 12:23:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say anytime I can get it, because I'm normal. People that want sex only one the weekends or rarely because they are married and it's not just about sex are the freaks. Although, I do understand not wanting to spend the night if you are waking up really early. My suggestion is this. Have sex before the date. Do what ever you had planned Have sex during the date. Drive her home. Drive HER home. Then leave.. Save sleep overs for the weekend. Disclaimer to your 'friend' All advice is only theoretical and has not been put into practice, but it sounds good.
2016-05-26 22:57:02 · answer #6 · answered by julianne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're on different timeclocks--she's ready, you're not. Getting married to someone out of fear of losing them is the wrong reason to get married. Don't do it when you feel like this. After 5 years, you should already know how you feel about her and if she's the kind of person you could see yourself with for life. The fact that you're not ready indicates that you may not feel that strongly. She on the otherhand shouldn't have to wait around forever for you or any other man. She deserves to have a guy who will beg her to marry her. So, perhaps it's best if she finds someone else.
2007-11-29 16:34:13 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious that you don't want to commit to marriage. Now is the time to be selfless and let her go to find someone who does.
A good time to get married is when both parties are ready and without all the doubts you have.
Your getting married now when you aren't ready is a recipe for an affair and/or divorce.
2007-11-29 12:24:31 · answer #8 · answered by Judith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will understand. Marriage is something not to be take lightly. If you marry a person and then feel that you don't love them, its a big mess. Any age is a good age to be married, just when you know its the right time there will be no doubt. Good Luck.
2007-11-29 12:21:11 · answer #9 · answered by SiCnGaged 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, from the sound of it, im not sure u think she's the one--there is no SET age to get married--when you're BOTH ready, you would know-but on the other hand, its not fair that she's giving u an ultimatum. You might not want to loser her because ur just used to her--that's it--take a break for awhile--if its meant to be, you guys will get back together--
2007-11-29 12:19:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋