No one is here
Nothing inside
A whisper to deaf
Beauty to blind
A portrait of one she once loved
twice broken
lies heavy on your heart
She suffers like a true artist
Dying for her art
Lying under the tree
She lies under you
Both feeling empty
Both dying new
Soft pain, like wind
blows over them
dull aching at their hearts
Regret like water covers them
fills their empty parts
flowing over broken glass
inside their broken souls
gently flows from empty eyes
In the water, death resides
2007-11-29 12:02:14 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
one word: beautiful
2007-11-29 12:10:12 · answer #1 · answered by Mokey 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really like the imagery in this poem, but I do not see how in the water, death resides. I feel the suffering but for me it is transforming. It does not end in death.
EX
"She suffers like a true artist dying for her art."
That phrase means a great deal to me. The artist must be willing to let the personal concerns fall aside temporarily to let the expression appear in the poem, painting or song. The personal suffering in the life of the artist is the fire that inspires more creations, like a sand inside a oyster makes a pearl.
Keep writing. You have such a deep sense of imagery. Only keep open to the light at the end of the tunnel or the joy at the end of grief. Thanks for sharing your poem.
2007-11-29 13:45:15 · answer #2 · answered by freesongs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most of the poem is just truisms. You also need to paragraph your poem into stages, this apart, it is OK. Try reading Xanadu by Samuel taylor Colleridge or Miss J Hunter Dunn By Sir John betjamin for metering.
2007-11-29 21:09:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the feel of this poem, but have a difficult time figuring out who is the speaker and who is being addressed. When you said "she lies under you", who is you? At first it sounded like you were speaking of yourself, in the third person, is this right?
The words you choose give a very strong feeling of desolation and hopelessness, a resignation of futility.
Powerful.
2007-12-06 04:15:19 · answer #4 · answered by BillyTheKid 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the imagery you distributed throughout this poem.
I don't have a whole lot of constructive criticism (sorry if that's what you were looking for) but I did enjoy the poem as I read it.
I really like the lines "She suffers like a true artist/dying for her art"; "Soft pain, like wind/blows over them"; and "Regret like water covers them... flowing over broken glass/inside their broken souls".
Thanks for a good read! :)
2007-11-29 12:13:55 · answer #5 · answered by jenn w 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is an understatement to say that I don't typically like poetry. It would be more accurate to say that I would rather have red-hot pokers stabbed into my eyes than to read most poetry. However, I did read yours, and I was able to follow it, and I even liked it. I have no way to critique it, though - I don't have the poetry experience. I can only say that I didn't feel like red-hot pokers were anywhere nearby. Rich
2007-11-29 15:56:14 · answer #6 · answered by Rich 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like
2007-11-29 12:13:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good work. I like it.
2007-11-29 13:45:35 · answer #8 · answered by California Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like Bill Clinton used to say, "I feel your pain."
2007-11-29 12:12:23 · answer #9 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like it...and I usually hate poetry!!!
2007-12-05 15:43:17 · answer #10 · answered by guitarwizard7135 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i love it u got talent good work
2007-11-29 12:13:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋