have this problem with my boyfriend recently, We have our ups and downs like most of other people do, conflicts arguments and diffrencent perpectives of love and relationship..But we both love eachother and know it..but recently everything is getting hard for me..I just dont feel loved most of the time..he is kind of person who shows opposite attracts and it's the way I feel loved and wanted...So, after talks and discussions that we have had last week he asked me to list the things that i dont like about him and also I love about him...Im just kinda nerveios and dont know how to tell what i want ..how to start and how to end it that doesnt make him upset or disappointed at me ..and make himTHINK AND REALIZE my need..Any suggestion and advice is a big help to save my relationship ...just need some good direction of listing my needs , how to start and how to end in most impressive way. ..thanks friends.
2007-11-29 11:44:58 · 11 answers · asked by Paris 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you wright the things you don't like, He will never get over it. I realize that is what he asked for but if you want to save your relationship you need to tell him things that you want, What makes you happy. DO NOT TELL HIM WHAT YOU THINK HUS GOOD POINTS AND BAD POINTS ARE. Let him know you love everything about him and that you would not change a thing. BUT DO TELL HIM WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, And you can point out things he does that make you fill special. GOOD LUCK
2007-11-29 11:57:39 · answer #1 · answered by mystictoad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just don't think it is a good idea to list what you don't like about someone. It could be hurtful and in the long run spark disagreements and resentment. Of course he has attributes that are irritating or that you wish would just disappear, but those are part of him. When you love someone you must accept the good with the bad, because you can't count on changing them.
I'm not sure you would be happy if you felt he was "faking it" just so he could eliminate the undesirable traits from the list you made. Sure if he genuinely sees that you need more affection, or less criticism for example, you would hope he would try to be sensitive to your needs and work ot accomodate you. But that would probably be better addressed with a sensitive discussion...and only bringing up one problem area at a time.
I can't imagine reading a laundry list of my faults and feeling anything but a big kick in the seat of my pants.
2007-11-29 11:57:25 · answer #2 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel a bit nervous writing a list of likes and dislikes. It is putting your innermost emotions in writing. I would rather say these things in a discussion with him. There could even be stuff that you no way want to put in writing.
Maybe write a few notes down for yourself to take note of - like really think about it and jot down maybe "he always leaves the toilet seat up and this really annoys me" or: he never forgets my birthday; or he is so generous towards me with little gifts and outings; so helpful around the house; you know this type of thing and whether he's good in some areas and a disaster in others and just think about all of the positives and the negatives and tell him don't write it down for him to look at - it might come back to haunt you. It is probably the things you don't like about him that you should think about the most to ask yourself how badly this affects you.
2007-11-29 17:34:01 · answer #3 · answered by veraswanee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are good answers.
Remember; when you tell him, make short, simple comments. Not long, drawn-out stories. Guys like facts. Details. Not drama. Write it down:
1. Tell me you love me every day.
2. Tell me I'm pretty twice a week.
3. Compliment my cooking.
4. Stop leaving socks on the floor.
Done! Any guy in the world can read and digest this list.
2007-11-29 12:22:44 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry or be afraid at all. If he's man enough and actually really willing to listen and fix what seems to be awry, it won't matter what you put down. That being said, don't go all out negative and such, which I doubt you will not. Be truthful, honest and be willing to listen to his comments about your requests/things. This can only help lead your relationship in the right direction, and if he suddenyl ups and leaves, he was not meant to be with you
2007-11-30 02:35:04 · answer #5 · answered by YinxSphinxmen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth, he is a man he can take it.Yeah he may get upset but if its the truth and not selfish whining then he will get over it and want to make things better.
However be forewarned,it takes MORE than love to make a marriage(or ANY relationship) if you aren't compatible and neither(or both )of you are not willing to change then it will never work.Thats the facts of life hon.
2007-11-29 11:54:21 · answer #6 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
easy...don't sweat the petty things
In other words don't get all hung up on little details...just focus on the big picture and learn to accept each other for who you are. People usually do not change, so if you can't get past the little annoyances, you're really in trouble when it comes to the big things.
2007-11-29 11:50:18 · answer #7 · answered by VodkaTonic 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop worrying about how you are going to tell him, and just do it.
Take him out to dinner and speak to him in a CALM, non emotional manner.
If you cannot do this, you have no business being in a relationship with him.
Good luck.
2007-11-29 11:53:06 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all your needs are your needs and he can not get upset because you express them to him. Especially if he asks you to . When your telling him..all you need to do is be honest and just say it. be direct, because men don't understamd when we say something in directly. Good luck... Be true to you so he can be true to you as well.
2007-11-29 11:51:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just list Mutual respect. That covers everything
2007-11-29 11:49:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋