I forgave him and we moved on. Lately this has been creeping up at me, for no particular reason at all. We are talking about getting more serious and I feel confused. Does his cheating mean that he thinks it is "ok" for us to have sex with ex spouses? Can i have sex with my ex? Would it make me feel better if i did? I know these are silly questions, i just haven't been faced with anything like this before. And trust me, it is much more complicated than you would think.
2007-11-29 11:23:30 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it doesnt mean he thinks it's ok, it just either means he will screw anyone he is attracted to and try to hide it or he was just weak momentarily.
2007-11-29 11:37:12 · answer #1 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember two wrongs don't make a right. And why should you stoop to his level and cheat with your ex, simply to get revenge, in my opinion you would be no better than him, playing the game you hurt me so I'll hurt you back. In my opinion I would have a serious conversation with him about expectations in the relationship, get his side of it and tell him how this event in your relationship made you feel. And the fact that you never really been through any thing like this before is very overwhelming, trust me even if you have been through this it would still be overwhelming. Find out what kind of relationship he thinks you two have, if he thinks it is ok to mess around the ex's then you need to step and find someone who is worthy and will be faithful to you. Good luck and I hope everything works out. But remember never compromise yourself in a relationship, not even for revenge.
2007-11-29 20:23:23 · answer #2 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's only complicated if you choose to make it so.
I get confused when people say "ex". To me, an "ex" is a former spouse, as opposed to a past boyfriend or girlfriend.
The point about having an "ex" whether it is a former husband/wife or former bf/gf, is that the relationship is OVER. That is why the term "ex" is used.
A person with whom someone continues to have sex is not an "ex". Either that, or there are closure issues going on, into which you (as the new partner) do not want to enmesh yourself.
This is not a matter of "forgiving" anyone. You do not have to forgive a man who is following his heart, or a woman who is following hers. You do, however, have to realize that you do not have the UNDIVIDED AFFECTIONS OF THE PERSON, and you are ENTITLED to that if you are a couple.
Don't forgive. The concept is not applicable. Your options are to put up with sharing your mate, or moving on. I know which I'd choose, but I'm not you.
2007-11-29 19:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person who has the propensity to cheat will lie at random about anything and can not be trusted. You are better off to get out of this relationship. You should already take the hint your heart and your soul is giving you: there shouldn't be the level of confusion you describe here, and it's pretty obvious that you're ignoring the nagging "other voice" from within. Have the courage to walk away. I had to do this ... it hurt, but I am so much better off.
2007-11-29 19:39:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you forgave him and moved on yet still together, then you are a very strong person. In general men or women who cheat once will cheat again. There's an old saying (two wrong don't make a right). Two wrongs do make a lousy relationship.
2007-11-29 19:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by freelancer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 wrongs does not make a right!!!
Let me tell you something which every woman should know. 92% of all married men cheat on their wives by mentally, physically or emotionally. There is no valid explanation for it other than saying men are made that way - it is in their genes to spill their seed wherever.
In your situation, I fully understand your pain. You have a choice.. Try to live with this man or get out of the marriage. Getting out is simple.. but you should try to make the marriage work. Forget what happened and do everything to make this marriage work..
2007-11-29 19:35:47 · answer #6 · answered by AdultMale 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Subconsciously he may think what he did was ok. For that matter, you may too. Having sex with your ex would not make you feel better or solve the problem. If you aren't 100% confident that you can re-build trust (not to mention everything else) then you should leave him. You must protect yourself first.
2007-11-29 19:27:44 · answer #7 · answered by Kingsley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you say you've moved on, but you haven't.......it doesn't sound like you have talked about it much and now you question what he thinks...ask him.....I don't know if you will get the truth, but we won't know any more than he will where his head is......he didn't just cheat, though....he also was deceptive and lied to you. If you can just let that go, fine, but I wouldn't trust anyone who did that to me because if he did it once, whats to say he wouldn't do it again.....nothing!! He may say he won't ever do it again, but you have already determined that he is a liar and has lied to you in the past. I wish you well. good luck!
2007-11-29 19:29:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
does he still talk to her? if so then i think that you should let him know that it bothers you. It might make you feel better because you are getting even but that never gets you any where. It will only hurt your relationship more. Besides that person is an ex for a reason.
2007-11-29 19:27:31 · answer #9 · answered by chinaricanpucca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what every woman wants is to know beyond a doubt that the love of her life belongs exclusively to her, and if he doesn't and he was cheating on her, the love u once felt may not be able to be rekindled easily, if at all. but just because he did it to u, is no reason for u to compromise your morals and do the same thing back to him. if he was really your guy he wouldn't have been with her, he would have been able to control him emotions and impulses. u won't forget what he did, he would have to work on it with u, and acknowledge the hurt he gave u. somehow its never the same once your betrayed, the once perfect love u thought u had u suddenly realize was never there to begin with.
2007-11-29 19:33:15 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love my boyfriend more than lofe and he cheated on me with his ex. i knew he was truely sorry and gaevhim a second chance. i am so glad i did. we are so happy now. we are gettin married and untiein my tubes to have a child. but if it is not something you can get past it will be hard. i you can not re trust him ever it will be a waste to both of your times because it will never work. you know him and your heart. think hard and pray and you will find the right aqnswer. things like this are hard but only you can answer it. good luck sweetie
2007-11-29 19:51:26 · answer #11 · answered by kristina r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋