i've been married for 8 years we have 2 kids and i have 1 by another man. things have been good and bad in my marriage. a few months ago i started talking to the guy i had my 1 child by. we both fell in love with each other and i cheated on my husband for the the time with him. i want to be with this guy and he wants to be with me, i'm stressed out and not sure what to do or wich way to go? i think i want to leave my husband but if i do i'm not sure what to tell him? my husband can be a big jurk sometimes and this guy is so nice to me. i don't have no one i can trust to talk to about it. not really sure what to do????
2007-11-29 11:16:11 · 39 answers · asked by stressed out 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
everyone thinks i'm a bad person for what i have done but you don't understand, my husband cheated on me alot and this was the first time i had done it. my husband treated me very badly for along time. and it's something i will never forget. this other guy was always nice to me it's just we lost each other for a long time and when we found each other the feeling came back we had befor.
2007-11-29 12:49:53 · update #1
Well- heres my story.
I was married - and my highschool sweetheart was married to somebody else.
I was ALWAYS in love with my highschool sweetheart -and he was in love with me so, we finally told each other our feelings - we thought of each other daily for 20 years - and we eventually both left our spouses to get back together after 20 years ( I wasn't in love with my current spouse) - so, we've been together for 4 years and we are married now.
So- follow your heart --- OR .. live the next 50 years unhappy.
what makes me wonder about this situation..is..you had to ask this question..if it was true love - you wouldn't have to question yourself--it would be a ...this is what I'm going to do thing.
OR, is this a..how am I going to do it thing? if so- then go for it!
fyi - the grass is greener on the other side sometimes :-)
2007-11-29 13:14:16 · answer #1 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to be straight with you...
You have made some rather big mistakes in your life, and now you are on the verge of making some very serious ones. The fact that you began talking to this other guy was a huge mistake. When you allowed your conversation with him to get on the subject of the two of you being together—you showed a colossal lapse in judgment, and the fact that you cheated on your husband was utter folly. You have journeyed down a path that you should never have gone down, and now you are in a situation that those wiser than you never have to face. Everything that you do now is going to be extremely hard and painful for you. First of all let me just say that you are kidding yourself if you are allowing yourself to be swayed by how nice this guy is to you. Chances are that if you were married to him, he would end up being a jerk sometimes as well. The fact that he is willing to sleep with another man’s wife says that he has some pretty big character flaws, and if you got into a relationship with him—he will eventually show his true colors. Up until this point you have only been thinking about yourself. What about your husband? What about your kids? You have adversely affected their lives. Sure you can try to keep your affair a secret, but you’d be living a lie. You’d be holding out on your husband, and it will prevent you from ever being close to him. He’s going to become frustrated with feeling like you are holding him at arms length all of the time, and he’s going to become discouraged with the constant distance you maintain between the two of you. In short, keeping a secret is going to cause problems in your relationship with your husband, and it may even affect how you deal with your kids.
The right thing to do in your situation is also going to be the hardest thing for you to do. Tell your husband what you have done, and give him the chance to decide if he still wants to be married to you. If he still wants you—consider yourself a lucky woman and then make every effort to get some marriage counseling. It takes years for a marriage to recover from this, and in most cases an affair is usually the death blow that ends the marriage. No matter what happens you should get some personal counseling so that you won’t be doomed to repeat history—whether you are still with your husband or with someone else in the future.
2007-11-29 12:24:33 · answer #2 · answered by mt75689 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's easier for anyone to be nice to you that doesn't live with you. When you go to work, people tend to be nicer than when you're living with your family. Why? Because when you live with each other, there is a lot more to get annoyed by.
Your husband was a jerk so you were a jerk right back at him when you had an affair and you got pregnant. Yet it sounds like your husband is willing to support this child that isn't his, or at least forgave you for what you did. If he had an affair with someone else, he could have very easily left you as well to be with her...but he didn't. He stayed with you.
2007-11-29 16:18:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you think you can ever get the 'other man' out of your heart? Do you want to? Can you stomach the idea of hurting your husband? These are all questions you need to ask yourself... and be brutally honest with yourself.
If you find your emotions for this man are stronger than your desire to not hurt your husband and save your marriage, then you need to let your husband go and find someone who can love him. You've already cheated on him, don't make it worse by keeping him there in a loveless marriage just for the sake of the kids.
If you are still torn, give him the last bit of dignity left in this situation by letting him decide... after knowing what you have done, will he want to stay with you or let you go to be with the one you've cheated with?
2007-11-29 11:26:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
marriages do have their ups and downs, and its not always exciting after the real world sets in and the honeymoon phase is over with. but to leave him for someone u don't really know well is a mistake. cut all ties with the other man, focus on the good in this man u are married to, and see what happens, then in a year or so if it doesn't improve seek a divorce. but never leave a marriage because of another person who has come into your life. u could be making a huge mistake. right now its exciting, and your feeling lust, but those are not the things that last.
2007-11-29 11:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all you shouldn't have cheated on your husband. Second, your husband is stupid for staying with you.
If you want to leave, that's your decision, but I think you should. If you don't love your husband, but love this other man, then do not cheat your husband anymore. Don't cheat him of anymore wasted time that he could be spending trying to move on and mend his heart. Leave him now so he can start his new life.
2007-11-29 11:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. Duncan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you're going to date a boy almost young enough to be your son and live with his mom, who is probably about 5 years older than you are? Yeah, that won't be weird at all. You're husband would have to be half saint, half fool to even think about taking your unrepentant soul back into his life. Do your kids a favor and disappear to England where you will never see them again. Then he can find a worthy woman to raise your kids properly.
2016-03-15 02:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does anyone ever commit to marriage anymore? It just seems so simple to walk out on marriage these days. Is this just a physical thing with the other guy? Or you just can't make up your mind which guy is the best for you....remember you have two children to your husband, are you that unhappy in this relationship? Marriage is hard work and no marriage is ever problem free. ALL MARRIAGES need to be worked at.
2007-11-29 11:25:22 · answer #8 · answered by lesley 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The grass isn't always greener of the other side sweety. And, if you really knew what you wanted, then the words wouldn't be coming so hard. Your first priority is to honor your marriage. If I were you, I'd put this other guy on hold and put forth some sincere effort into your marriage. Don't get divorced because of another man, get divorced because you can't make your marraige work.
2007-11-29 11:45:05 · answer #9 · answered by Island Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This other man will cheat on you as well and who knows he might beat you too. The kids are more important then you are!!! After 8 years of marriage you still haven't learned the facts of life:
1. There is no Santa
2. Everyone lies (even to themselves)
3. Marriage sucks
4. All men cheat and almost all women cheat
5. Life is not fair
Happy Holidays, good luck and email me with any questions you might have I don't lie anymore.
2007-11-29 13:06:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋