i wrote this poem yester day its called : would you : hope u like it?

Question

A person just came home from seeking work. This person is stressed out all he has in his pockets is lint and some dirt. All this person has to his name is a pair of old pants some torn shoes and a dirty shirt. Hungry this person was his stomach hurt. He’s in this situation because he has lost his job recently. At night time he had not paid the bills so the lights turn off suddenly. He had no money so he did not pay the rent for two months so he lost his home. This person has no one so this person was cold and alone. This person begs on the street but comes out with no money to show. Worried he was because he had no place to go. It’s hard to stay kind and humble when you have hunger, no one, and no place to go. So this person robs a hard working man. It’s was wrong he understands but now glad because he has finally money in his hands. This person finally starts alcohol and drugs because of the frustration of having no land. Drugs to this person becomes high demand. This person robs more frequently. This person does drugs more frequently. This person did not mean this to happen intentionally but he is damaged emotionally and mentally. Eventually the drugs affect him physically. It is easy to judge but hard to live with no house no friends no family no spouse. Judge you can but would you choose the same decision this person chose? Would you do the things this person did if you had no money no food no clothes?

Answer 1

1. this is prose, not poetry.

2. Being the heartbreaker and dreamcrusher that I am, I gotta tell you, there was nothing jumping out at me that made me like or even pay attention to it.

3. It needs a lot of editing. There are probably at LEAST 40 punctuation errors.

Answer 2

I can tell you this, there are a lot of "spoken words" out there like this. Have you ever gone to a spoken word night? I disagree with the first answerer. These poems make you take a step back. Punctuation was bad, but other than that it speaks to people. I applaud you.

Answer 3

interesting short story where a person "begs on the street but comes out with no money to show." I like it a lot.