Dealing with a passive agressive?

Question

Right now im dealing with someone who is being MAJORLY passive agressive to me and will not tell me what's on their mind. They are doing all sorts of childish games and I don't understand why or what the reason is they are doing it for. This has been going for months now. Why do you think these types of people won't tell you what you did wrong if they feel you have done something wrong? What is the goal in being passive aggressive?

Answer 1

I think it's more a mode of operation than a goal and the only way to deal with manipulative people is to remove yourself from their influence as much as possible. These are people who are always looking for somebody to poke with their emotional stick to get some kind of reaction and it's not the sort of behavior that goes away on its own. Telling you what you did wrong would mess with their game, which is about keeping you on edge and emotionally off balance so they can feel secure about their own problems by comparison, and the more you react, the more ammo you give them. Refuse to play their reindeer games and don't get sucked in, because the world is full of them; wouldn't you rather spend your time with people who don't poke at you all the time? They exist too, so don't waste your time or mental effort on the pokers - it just encourages them to continue. Leave the room, the block, the town, if that's what it takes and hang with the people who don't need sticks.

Answer 2

Fear! And insecurity. They are afraid of being honest because they can't handle conflict very well. They're afraid to say what they're feeling lest it rock the boat (relationship) and they end up being rejected or abandoned. Many of these types were raised in families where they were taught to have a different opinion or feeling was bad and would be punished. It's sad, because passive aggressive behavior usually accomplishes the exact opposite of what the person wants - more conflict in the relationship.

Answer 3

I have been in your shoes before. I think their reasons possibly have to do with them having the problems to begin with. Maybe they have issues with not being able to forgive & move on. Or they can't see you for the person you are today, instead the only see your past mistakes. But regardless it more than likely is their problem & not yours directly. Just be patient & maybe they will come around. Blameing them may only make it worse. What is their goal- control over someone.