We have been together for two and a half years. When we met, i told him i was seperated, but not yet divorced and he told me he was divorced. I found out yesterday that his divorce was not final until two days ago. He says he loves me, and was afraid i wouldn't date him. The problem is i had suspicions of this before when people would drop hints, and he would out right lie to my face and say he was divorced. He swears that his relationship was over years before then, and he was just scared to leave, but i have a hard time believing anything he says because of this lie. How do i sort this out and move on? I love him, and don't want to end it, but i don't want to find out i made a bad decision in the future either. PLease help.
2007-11-29 08:38:23 · 19 answers · asked by cheerprincess6460 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He said he started the divorce when we started dated two and a half years ago, and i know he has been involved in court cases for atleast a year and a half of this time. He has three children from his ex i have one from mine, and we have one together. His ex continued to keep this an ongoing thing because she was mad. the children make it a lot harder to just leave. I know i trust that he has only been with me for this year and a half, but now with the trust issue, i don't know if i can trust before that.
2007-11-29 08:49:00 · update #1
I thought the court cases were solely over custody, i didn'
t know until yesterday that they were also over the divorce itself.
2007-11-29 08:50:14 · update #2
He lied to you and that means he cannot be trusted.
He made a mistake and will have to learn from that mistake so that it never ever happens again in his future and if you stay with him and forgive him...he's a lucky man!
2007-11-29 08:41:47 · answer #1 · answered by bigapple 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Two and a half years you have been going out and now he has the courage to tell you that it was final until two days ago?? Ouch!!!!!!!
Well, now he has to worry if you are going to marry him, he lied to you 2 1/2 years ago, do you think he will be telling you the truth when you get married, has he been telling you the truth about things lately??? This is some serious stuff you have to think about before you committ your life to this guy.
Honey, you made a bad decision having him for a boyfriend all this time he could be lying to you about everything and anything!!!!!!!!
JMO and only JMO, but do you really want to live your life with a liar and be up night after night wondering about things, like if you guys are struggling with money and all of a sudden he shows up with a new car, and you ask him where he got it, and he said "oh, I just got a raise from work", would you believe that, or when he says "the drug deal just went down"???
2007-11-29 08:49:42 · answer #2 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Were you to actually living together? Was he still living with his now ex wife? I dont get the "He swears that his relationship was over years before then, and he was just scared to leave" part? Was he not only not divorce but not even seperated? If he was not seeing is now ex wife and only you then the lie, although not good, isnt a major issue. He just wanted you and so he kept that from you and if you love him and he loves you then move on and get over it. Talk with him about it and air your concerns and move on...
2007-11-29 08:49:22 · answer #3 · answered by Slick 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, this sounds like something that is unacceptable for him to lie about. And though it doesn't sound fair, for a lot of guys lying seems like a defense mechanism. I have the hardest time getting my boyfriend to tell me honestly that he wants to go play a video game instead of watching a chick flick with me.
If you feel this strongly for him, and think he feels the same. Then just have a calm talk with him. Let him know that him lying to you will always hurt more than the truth. It ruins trust, and he doesn't need to be afraid of telling you the truth. And next time he does tell you the truth instead of lying, (even about something little, like he'd rather go hang out with his friends) simply smile and say Thanks for telling me the truth. let him know that it's okay to be honest with you.
Hopefully over time he will feel more comfortable saying what's on his mind. But I think a lot of guys and some girls as well have been conditioned to say what other people want to hear, as opposed to what really happened.
However, if he continues to lie and it gets worse, and you get to the point where you can't trust him at all...then maybe it would be better to let him go, and find someone else who CAN work with you on this.
2007-11-29 09:04:51 · answer #4 · answered by xXEdgeXx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I wouldn't get married right now. He lied to you for almost 3 years. Just wait it out longer, and see how the relationship goes. I wouldn't take lightly to my fiance keeping a lie from me for 3 years, but if you truly love him, you're not going to leave him -- no matter how many people here think you should.
Just talk to him about it. I realize that maybe he was afraid you wouldn't want to date him, but after your third or fourth date, he should have definitely brought it up to you. Keeping it for 3 years is a little too long.
2007-11-29 08:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by Abby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your fiancee proably did this becasue he was afraid of losing you. He proably wouldnt think you would put up with him still being married and ask yourself would you? All that matters is that he loves you and they are divorced now. I'm recently separated and I have a boyfriend now and it irritates him that i'm still married so I can see what would fiancee would have been worried about it. Its a hard thing to deal with but you will trust him and you obviously love each other.
2007-11-29 09:49:53 · answer #6 · answered by I Like Grapes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you really need to rethink this marriage. You need to take some time to be by yourself and think things thru. He lied to you for over 2 years. Why did it take him so long to get a divorce? He was scared to leave who his wife? I would really think about not marring him, and if you do, wait a year or 2 and see how it goes. Good luck
2007-11-29 08:42:45 · answer #7 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well he showed his true colors before you married him so I would get out now. You will never trust him now. If he lied about that he is FOR SURE not telling you other things. People tried to warn you ,next time listen, How many things do you need to happen to get that he is NOT an honest person and he is trying to make you think it was ok becasue he had a reason, looser.. I was married to one. I said WAS. The lies just got worse. Stupid me I didn't listen to myself.
2007-11-29 08:46:42 · answer #8 · answered by openminded 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One of my friends went through same thing he wasnt divorced but was looking to date & marry until everyone around didnt bother to tell this lady who dated only after getting divorce he married later everyone around started talking of it only then this lady came to know today they have kids & their own cousin told outsiders about it trying to break their family.
2007-11-29 08:43:10 · answer #9 · answered by aamantbelle 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just forget about it he did not tell you because he did not want to lose you and that is good he wants to be with you so think that that was the reason and forgive him he did not do anything wrong he loves you and you should just understand that he did it so that he would not lose you. So forget about it. And move on and be happy.
2007-11-29 08:43:43 · answer #10 · answered by Lost 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋