Jealous of other moms for all the wrong reasons?

Question

I'm being honest, I have basic financial income, when I see other mothers with nice strollers, nice outfits for their kids, nice digital canon rebel cameras to take kick *** pictures with, nice dresses and clothes for the children, nice nurseries where everything matches.. I feel rather bummed out.

i want the best for my kids and even though i show my baby all the love in the world, I still feel like I wish I was able to make her even more happy, i want her to look back and see nice pictures of her, not pictures of her in outfits I bought at value village or stuff like that ya know? Am I a bad person for wanting nice things????

Answer 1

First, there's nothing wrong with Value Village. I _love_ Value Village, and we have tonnes of _nice_ stuff from there.

Okay, that out of the way from this VV fan...

When I was wee, my parents were broke and we lived in an apartment suitable for a couple of grad students. I had NO IDEA my parents were not the wealthiest, though. So long as the basic needs are covered, kids do _not_ know you go to the library because books are expensive; they think you just go to the library.

My happiest childhood memories tend to involve stuff like sneaking out for junk food with my father, or walking all over downtown with my mother and maybe getting one tiny toy or a lemonade. They did not stay broke, but I do not look back and think "Ooo, remember that Xmas I got fifteen Lego sets!" Money does not memories make.

You are, to some extent, supposed to be broke with a baby.

A lot of those Bugaboo-pushers have Visa bills you wouldn't believe...

And I think nice nurseries and expensive strollers don't say anything good about the parenting going on. We don't have a stroller -- we have a bunch of slings and carriers. My daughter's room is basically a book-clothes-toys storage area -- she sleeps with us. A child bundled up in a $1k stroller in overpriced winter fleece just looks sad to me; I'm pretty sure they'd rather be in a sling under Mum's ratty coat.

Answer 2

With my first son, I was 17 when I had him. I had no job and hand me down everything. Carseat, crib, clothes, all hand me down. I didnt even have a car and there really isnt public transportation here. Luckily my family threw a baby shower where I received some cute clothes and then my boyfriends family threw a party after the baby was born that was actually just a big party with everyone they knew since they live across country and rarely see him. I got tons and tons of stuff. I shipped back 3 boxes home because I couldnt fit stuff in my suitcase. And it sounds shallow but it really did make me feel a little better as a parent. We just had a little girl sunday and now I do have a full time job that pays well. So does my boyfriend. I also go to school full time. Things are really good and I didnt buy a crib, changing table, matching nursery etc. My kids share a room. My daughter sleeps in a bassinette on a pack n play. She does have new clothes but not tons because after 3 years of being with my son I've realized that nobody is looking at those things but me. My sons grows out of everything. He would rather wear the tshirt from kmart with cars on it than clothes from the gap and I'm fine with that. He's happy and well adjusted and anybody who looks down on you for something like that probably has issues of their own. If you're like me you will grow out of the picture taking phase too.

Answer 3

You are not a bad person at all! You want the best for your children... just know, that by loving them with all you have and meeting all of their immediate needs... you ARE giving them the best. They will remember all the hugs and kisses... not the stroller that had cup holders... wheels for offroading and all the other un-necessary things. If all the fancy stuff is within a persons budget... there is nothing wrong with it, but if it isnt, you can still be an AMAZING mom! Your children are LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!

Answer 4

I sometimes feel this way too. I think we all want the best for our babies and would do anything possible to make them happy. I think just raising your baby with a lot of love will make more of a difference than the nice things he or she had when they were a baby. I didn't have the nicest of things when I was a kid and I kind of resented that growing up, but looking back now I was never without anything and the love my parents gave me now means SO MUCH more than any of the things I had growing up. I now struggle with feeling guilty for buying myself the most basic of things instead of buying things for my daughter.

Answer 5

I do feel that way sometimes too. It's very normal. Everybody wants the very best for their babies.
But, I also try and realize that material things don't really matter in the long run. Yeah, that $70.00 winter jacket for my boy looks really nice and is by Nike, but the no name brand that costs $15.00 on sale is just as good. Plus, I paid for that jacket with cash and now I own it. I don't have to worry about a credit card bill.
And trust me, later on when she's grown up, you're not going to care about what she was wearing in pictures when she was a baby. You're just going to love seeing the pictures of her.

Answer 6

Take a little browse of the kids in state foster care. Many of them are thrown out by their own families and disfigured and metally retarded and live with strangers raising them. Having a healthy child is a true blessing. Donate some gently used toys to children in need and remind yourself this Christmas what being a parent means- instilling values into your kids. It's about love, love, love!! It's completely free- but not everyone has the strength to do it.

Answer 7

Most of those things you mentioned aren't for the kids, they are for the parents. You think your kid cares what stroller it's being hauled around in? No. Children today have become nothing but accessories for parents trying to show each other up. Kids don't need that stuff to be happy.

Answer 8

Remember that a LOT of people buy all that stuff on credit cards....and get into serious debt....it's a rare person who can just go out and but those things with real money. Your little girl wont remember a designer nursery or the best dress...she'll remember "that picnic in the park" or how much you played with her....she'll remember that you baked with her or made up silly dances...honestly...things dont matter...babies only care about love.

Answer 9

You are not a bad person. But I have to remind myself often of how so much more important it is for my children to know they are loved. I have to remember to build their character and not teach them to put too much importance on material things. Success is good, but character is better.

My husband spent time in Guatemala and saw some heartbreaking things. Children who were orphans, a 5 year old girl who carried a baby on her hip, who had no parents. She took care of her siblings. They had nothing. No toys, barely enough food and clothes to cover there tiny little bodies, yet they were so happy. They were so excited to get a bowl of rice and beans. This little girl fed her baby sister first. Then fed herself. She was so excited to get a blow pop!
Try to be thankful for what you have, and don't let the media or other people set the standard for what is happiness. Just love your children and they will be happy.

Answer 10

no its fairly normal me n my husband both wok to provide for my child and i feel exactly the same. But all the nice things mean nothing!! You cold give your child everything in the world and all the would every ask for is a very loving mother (like yourself). Id say loving your child the way you do is the best gift you could ever give youe child. money means nothing aslong as your both happy.