Is it wrong for a married christian to watch porno? i am pregnant also...?

Question

i just discovered a bunch of videos on my husbands computer. i feel betrayed because he is the sweetest husband and i am confused. is this cheating at least mentally? i am very very very pregnant and am afraid to confront him i dont know how we have never really fought before. he is a good husband. we are devote christians as well. i dont think this is okay for him to be doing.

Answer 1

wait: this is your only complaint about him? you said it yourself that he is the sweetest husband. sweet husbands get very, very horny, too. for the woman who said it IS cheating: you don't have a very good understanding of men. total bastards and very good men get equally horny. it's how they act on it that makes them different. (and they all act on it sooner or later). if you felt your husband was a good man before, you were and are right.

it IS okay. it's not what any woman wants, but men in general like to see sex. we see it differently than you guys do. it's NOT cheating. perhaps it was bad timing, you being pregnant, but it's not cheating... . . .. and you're not alone.

and it's not from a 'bachelor life.' he does it now. and he needs the release b/c you are not as sexually available to him as you were.

i WOULD talk to him about it, if i were you. but don't read him the riot act. and maybe you can confront him after you deliver your baby? for both of you. (this is in light of the feeling im' getting that everything was very good up until you found the porno)

TO THE ONE LADY WHO GAVE A THUMBS-DOWN TO EVERYONE WHO SAID IT WASN'T CHEATING:
hahahahahaaaa. you're ridiculous.

Answer 2

I really wouldn't worry about it. Your body is changing and you're feeling insecure and betrayed, but I really don't think it's a big deal. He's only looking at porn and if he's a good husband and a Christian, I wouldn't be too upset. You can confront him just to hear what he has to say, but I really don't think you said take it as an insult or a betrayal. He loves you, he's your husband, and he's with you as your carrying his child. He's devoted to you too, but maybe he just doesn't want to bother you for sex if you seem tired or not in the mood. Does that make sense?

Answer 3

A lot of people feel porn is not that bad if no one is getting hurt and the person is married and the girls are not under age and on and on it goes. I believe ( and you asked for it ) that it is harmfull in that it is addictive. It prays on a christian consience and makes the person feel like he or she is a hypocrite. No telling how many times God has told someone to do something bold and they couldnt because of some sort of sin. Porn is a thief of time and energy, how can you compete with many attractive women bareing all. Whether he wants to admit it or not there is some comparison going on. As to whether you should confront him or not, it depends on how close you are. It is extremely personal. Masturbation is involved usually and that is about as personal as it gets. The sexual energy used goes into the porn experience and isnt given to you. I wish I had more time but I must go. Help him, make sure He knows he is still your Stallion. Grampa B

Answer 4

Well my husband is a porn addict. There's a big difference between watching porn and being addicted to porn. I wanted to accept it so I tried to compromise with my husband and asked him not to look at it while I am at home. For a while it was okay, I just pretend the problem didn't exist. Then I kept catching him looking at it. When I was in the shower, as soon as I'd leave the room. It was like anytime he could he was watching it. He couldn't even keep the compromise. He lies about it, hides it, spends money on it. To me he has an addiction. It affects our sex life and the way he looks at me. There is no intimacy. My self esteem has gotten so bad!! I am sorry but if your man is addicted this will only get worse. All I know to do is to pray for my husband. I can't change him and I can't get him to see that it is a problem. I am asking God to change my husbands heart. He is not a christian and I am. I have talked to my pastor about it and he told me not to give up and to keep praying for my husband. I wish I had more words of wisdom. I can only say I know how you feel. I do believe that God is bigger than any problem, porn addiction or whatever and that change is possible!!

Answer 5

Well, it is ok for him to be doing. It's something you should come to terms with. If your religious beliefs involve not viewing porn, then you and especially your husband have a very difficult road head of you. Isn't religion supposed to help people rather than harm them? Applying nearly impossible tasks to a person's life in such a manner can be very destructive. Consider this. If he is supposed to not look at porn because he is a Christian, let's look at the possible outcomes. Let's say he goes a whole week without looking at any porn. Nothing happens; it's what he's supposed to do. He may have overcome a great deal of temptation, but it matters very little because he's just following the rules. There's no reward. Now let's say next week he slips up and looks at some porn. Now we see negative consequences. he will have his own guilt and shame to deal with. On top of that, if you find out, you will be bothered by it, and then he has relationship issues to tackle as well. So we see a system of imbalance. It is pretty much standard to look at porn. All guys do it. So if a guy chooses not to, he is already going against the norm. If he succeeds, there is no reward other than the personal satisfaction of having not done something he believes to be wrong. However, if he fails, which he most certainly will do eventually, he has a world of negative consequences to face. Why then should he put such pressure on himself? Is it because you are insecure about your body? Is it because you feel like he will cheat on you? See how it keeps going back to you? YOU need to learn to not have a problem with it. Porn is what you make of it. It can be an unhealthy addiction, it can be a harmless personal hobby, it can be an occasional laugh, it can be a useful tool to spice up your sex life. It's all up to you. Don't let religion make your life or your husband's life miserable.

Answer 6

You're too naive! Pretty much all guys look at porn. The first time I caught my bf doing it, I was hurt at first. Now...we enjoy it together. XD
There is nothing wrong with being sexual or sensual. As long as you're doing it for the right reasons. Also, if you're very pregnant right now, maybe he is afraid to ask you to do anything, in respect to you and your body. But he is in need of some sexual stimulation, so he just looks up some porn. If it was child porn, then it would be something to worry about. But just be thankful he loves you enough to check out chicks on a screen and not in real life.
Christianity may have taught you sex was evil or something, but to me, as long as you're with someone that you care about, that cares about you...go wild! Have fun and enjoy some of the greatest pleasures of life. Porn included! ;P

EDIT: To Valerie X, yes she had needs. But his needs shouldn't be ignored completely. That's not fair. They both got married together. And when you do that you are each making a commitment to each other. I don't think it would be fair to say "okay now that you're married he has to change completely, do everything you say, and your needs are more important." He is a person too. I'm a girl, and I watch porn occasionally. My boyfriend is perfectly fine with that. And I don't really care if he looks either. It's not like he's actually there with those girls. And being less like an angry mom and more like an understanding friend is more attractive to guys in the long run.

Answer 7

biblically, when your husband lusts after a women(even on tv) he is committing adulty. Porn is not ok in a christian marriage. Then again I dont think its ok in any marriage. Watching porn is a form of impurity.
Gal 5:19-26

Answer 8

No, it's not ok. Porn is sin and it can be very addictive. It can lead to affairs when watching girls is not enough. Before confronting him, ask him if he believes it's ok for a Christian to look at porn. If he says no, then I would ask him about the videos on the computer. If he says yes, it's ok, then you need to give him the scriptures from Matthew 5:28

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

So we know that the Bible says adultery is sin; therefore watching porn is sin.

Porn is one of Satan's ways of trapping people into sin. Tell him that in order to help him stop looking at porn, he needs an accountability partner.

Answer 9

if you dont feel it is ok. just sit him down one day and be like hunny look i found some videos on the computer that i dont feel comfortable with and i dont think you should look at them. and maybe after the baby is born. you and him can have one weekend a month or something where you get a hotel and try new things and try to spice up the relationship in the bedroom. you never know he might need some sprucing up to be done

Answer 10

Fine line between natural fantasizing and betraying the vows of your marriage. Fantasies and masturbation are natural to men and women, married and single. It doesn't mean he'd physically cheat on you, it just means he's throwing more sexual excitement into his world in a pretty benign fashion. Sexual rhythm slows in late in a pregnancy and he may be substituting fantasy for lost bedroom time. Talk to him about how the two of you could spice it up in the bedroom and turn his attention away from fantasies.