Could use some serious help?

Question

Ok I am severly depressed right now.

I was with my Bipolar girlfriend for almost 5 years....Last December she left me for 2 months cuz she thought I needed to change....I was to blame for all.....she came back and I allowed her to even though she is the one who left me. We were together for about 5 more months this time and she left me again, with everything being worse this time and with her being nastier than I have ever heard or seen her. She is untreated and wild as a fireball right now. I know I can't force her to get help so please don't say that. Right now I am not supposed to contact her at all. Her friends are bad and they influence her and she is getting married to a girl she has only known 2 months and met over the internet on her phone.

I have psychological problems too but I have been getting help for the last 2 years. She knew as well as I did, it was going to be a process...and even though I changed some things and was somewhat better from the first time she left,

it still wasn't enough. But my main question is, is you were as unhappy as what she makes it seem to be she was to her 'friends', would you have came back to me the first time, when you didn't have to?

And the other thing is, is she leaded me on for the first 2 months after she left this time, and told me she still wanted me and then only a 3 weeks go by and she is rubbing the pics of her and her new girl kissing and everything else in my face as well as her 'ring' her girl got her (which my ex paid for herself) because her girlfriend does not work and moved from the other side of the state. Her whole demeanor has changed in a couple months time.

So would you have done that to me? I know I am not perfect by no means, but I am also caring and loving too. I have been through so much with her, through thick and thin, and even though sometimes we didn't see eye to eye or get along perfectly like the 'fairytale' relationship she wanted...I was still there by her side.

Can Bipolar people that are untreated still look happy in photos and stuff, even though they might not be?

P.S.- So there is no confusion, we are both girls.

Do you think she will regret this someday, even though she is feeling/thinking she is happy right now?

Does she just think she's 'happy and moved' on after 5 years or do you think she could just get over it in 2 months after 5 years? A being an untreated Bipolar.

And if you, 'move on', what do you mean in that sense? That I am just supposed to forget about her, stop loving her, and give up hope?

Answer 1

I can understand how your emotional roller-coaster ride these past few years has left you depressed. My daughter (age 28) has bipolar, and her girlfriend of 5 years just left her "for good" (after 4 earlier attempts to leave her). Just like your situation, her girlfriend also has some emotional issues (Obsessive compulsive Disorder), but sadly, living with my bipolar daugher proved to be just too hard.

My daughter is quite unstable with her bipolar, because she's not always medication-compliant. She's really hurting now, because she doesn't want the relationship to be over. I really doubt that they'll get back together, but my daughter just can't give up hope.

If your girlfriend, like my daughter, is pretty much out-of-control, I'd say give it up. She MUST become mature enough to be able to want to get stable - and stay stable - by staying on her meds, seeing her doctor, and either seeing a therapist or becoming a member of a bipolar support group.
No matter how much energy you "waste" wishing her to be better, it won't happen until SHE is ready to take charge of her life.

Bottom line...move on. You don't need to forget her, but don't let your life become stagnated by waiting for her to get well, because she probably won't. Good luck.

Answer 2

From what you've explain she has this going back and forth. And she will stay with her new girl, but as soon as the tiniest bit goes wrong her mood is going to change. She'll probably leave the other one too.
It sounds like you love her a lot, but unless she gets treated for Bipolar disorder, it's just going to get worse with time.
Moving on is not easy, neither is letting go. You might not think so now, but time will help you more than you think. and even if she does come back to you (untreated for bipolar) you have to ask yourself if you want to risk getting hurt again. Sometimes it's easier to let go of something when it's let go of you.
take this as an opportunity and get on with your life and live it.
if you love her wish her the best and all happiness.
because if you do take her back again, in her eyes you'll always take her back no matter how many times she leaves.

And yes, it is possible for her to be happy in the picture. But mood swings come and go very fast, so you could never be positive of how she was feeling at that moment. Maybe she doesn't even know
BEST OF LUCK :)

Answer 3

You're trying to argue with her condition...not only is that impractical, but it's also a monumental waste of time. Bipolar disorder is an impulse-driven, irrational condition which means impulse-driven, irrational decisions will occur. Don't get drawn in to the multiple details; this is an episodic existence. While it is true life is never dull, at its core this isn't much of a mystery since all of the sickness springs from a single, predictable source.
Get a healthy distance away from her and see things clearly again. You may one day be able to help her, but it'll never happen with the two of you sinking in the same quicksand. She needs professional help, and maybe once you're reliably off of the "psychosis cycle" you can see exactly how to make that happen for her. But first, you've got to save "you". Good luck.