Will This Marriage Last?

Question

I've been married for the last seven and half years and am very seriously considering divorce. My husband and I have grown apart - he is from europe and i'm from here. We had a baby last year and he moved his mother in, which adds to further tension in the marriage since she meddles in everything. It has gotten to the point where I don't want to go home at night.....I feel no love for him and don't know what to do or how to go about getting a divorce. He is so dilusional that he feels the relationship is fine as it is. Is he blind?

Answer 1

Have a heart to heart talk with him. Try to find that fire you used to have. If his mother is there she can keep the baby so you two can have a weekend away just the two of you. And see what happens. Do you really want to give up with out trying on a seven and half year marriage?

Answer 2

Let me tell you right away, if he feels the relationship is fine, then you need to communicate in different ways to express to him how it is not fine.

The very fact he thinks it's fine clears him of "motive" just so you know. Seems that he is unaware that you are hurting so much.

The fact that you've grown apart is a major factor in the communication gap, and it is tied together with that part as well.

Divorce is NOT the answer. Your committment to marriage and working through "thick and thin" is your answer.

Firstly, throw out your "divorce" notion, and become a more mature adult. Face your fears and troubles like a mature individual, not run from them. Trust me, you will jump out of the pot right into the frying pan.

I agree that having his mom move in is a very, very big strain on a marriage. It should not be that way. However, it is. But you MUST find creative and tactful ways to have your husband re-focus on the marriage, and understand how hurting and unhappy the situation is. Do NOT threaten with divorce or leaving. That's immature.

Instead, RE-iterate your love and committment and request that his mom leave. If she is there because of the baby, the baby is old enough not to have family there so much. Explain that she can visit, but NOT live there.

In terms of "growing apart", then "grow together". It takes time to grow apart, and it is not life, chance, or ethereal reasons why couples grow apart. There are simple, logical reasons. So..... grow together. Do the things that it takes to grow back together in closeness again.

If his mom lives there, than have her watch the baby and just you two get out of the house. Do activities you both enjoy. Start to enjoy life and each other again.

Definately, the both of you need marriage counseling at this point of course.

Make it work.

Answer 3

In an arranged marriage, the couple basically would not have a say interior the challenge. What makes you think of they are going to have a say interior the challenge of divorce?? In India, the only reason divorce expenditures are low is by means of people being concerned with regards to the aftermath and social alienation interior the regressive Indian society. Social photograph concerns to them and Indians decide people for being divorced. as a effect, low divorce expenditures are in no way an precise illustration of arranged marriages lasting longer than love marriages. Love marriages are extra suitable any day.

Answer 4

Since your husband is from Europe I don't know if he talked to you about moving his mother in or if that was just expected and did so. If I was you I would get myself set up to leave. Life is to short to be miserable all the time. For you to feel this way this is not one thing it is a bunch built up. Her moving in only adds to the problem and he rather not deal with it so he plays stupid. This is common with the culture. Since he is not going to work on the relationship I would leave him.

Good luck and best wishes with what ever your decision is.

Answer 5

Have you talked to him about how you feel? Have you let him know that his mother living there is making you tense and stressed and that you cannot stand her meddling? Perhaps you can request that she move to her own apartment..then you only have to see her when you chose to. The best way to go about this is communicating. If he doesn't agree with you and shows no signs of improvement or trying to comprimise after that then I'd file the divorce papers. Good luck!!

Answer 6

Mom needs to go bye bye. I would go mad if my mom or mother in-law lived with us. It is just wrong have him ask her to go that she is meddling where she shouldn't and that you
do not feel like coming home at night. That you need counselling and that he needs to open his eyes to how lonely and bored you are.

Really though I think once you get the mother out of the way you guys can have a serious talk.

If you want the divorce you talk to a family lawyer they also deal with divorce and since you have a kid you'll have custody crap as well.

Answer 7

I wouldn't call what the mother does meddling, she lives with you. I'm pretty sure she helps out with the baby alot. You should be happy there is someone else there other than the two of you. Maybe your the blind one and doesn't appreciate what you have.

Answer 8

oh honey its his MOTHER, not your marriage,

God I know what its like my mother in law tortures me when she visits, and they can stir up some stuff

Is there anyway you can speak to her and tell her that her meddling is ruining your marriage

Tell you husband that having his mother here is making him behave like a CHild

and that going to her for advice , instead of asking you whats good for you makes no sense,

-- Maybe you can find her an apartment close BY??

I will pray for you honey, my husband and I were headed for divorce every time they came to visit, they would stay for a month and then all hell broke loose

ALSO you need to remember that as long as your breast feeding, your hormones are still crazy, Once you stop nursing your going to go back to normal, for me it takes like a YEAR
to feel normal again,

So please give it time, he will change,

My husband did, it took some time , work and alot of effort but eventually I did get things to change

M

Don't give up, fight for what you want, it can happen,

My husband is from a MUSLIM country so I KNOW what your talking about.

Answer 9

maybe he is trying, you should try harder instead of being a pessimist and giving up so quickly, you are cheating your baby out of life full of both parents. Try to remember the things that made you fall in love with him, or marry him. I bet he wasn't that bad in the beginning, he moved all the way from another side of the world. You should seriously consider talking to him about his mother, maybe possibly getting her into a place close to you guys but not THAT close. Then consider counseling if you guys havent tried that. If that isn't your thing, try something else. try talking to him about the things that make you unhappy. TRY. Don't give up and walk out on your family. remember, for better or worse.

Answer 10

He's just pretending there isn't a problem. Give him a chance first before you leave. Let it all out on the table and see how he feels too. If he's not willing to work on things, then move in. Good Luck!