Have you ever done something from your heart only to realize the person is just a taker?

Question

One year on Christmas Eve, my husband and I delivered a Christmas meal to a needy family. We were so excited about giving them a turkey, dressing, all the trimmings for a nice dinner. When we got there, the recepient seemed disappointed. She said "But I told them I need a refrigerator."
It took a lot of the joy out of it. I'll admit I get a high from doing that type of thing but not that time. Anyone else have a similar experience?

Answer 1

Oh yes. Lots of times. I try to remember the spirit in which I did a good thing and try not to focus on someone who obviously had different ideas. Be so grateful that you were given a good and generous heart. You know we need more people like you. Think how it would be if there were only ungrateful people. This is one of my experiences. I was a nurse working on a Chemical Dependency Unit. I always worked on the holidays, so this one New Years I brought apple cider to heat up with cinnamon sticks and cookies. I ordered pizzas for everyone and sodas too. Colorful napkins added to the hopefully festive scene. Some of the patients seemed to enjoy the night, but the majority expressed disappointment that there werent more treats and different kinds of soda. Some of them even threw the cookies in the trash and just watched tv. I guess you cant please everybody.

Answer 2

Yes, I have. Once I met a lady through a church crusade and I'd call or send her a card each mt. At Christmas she called asking for money so she could buy food, she said there would be no gifts for her kids. We didn't have a lot, but I told her I'd see what I could do. I got some food and called my pastor who gave me a turkey and some things, so they wouldn't go hungry. I took it all to her house and when she opened the door there was a tree filled to overflowing with Christmas gifts. There was barely room to put the food away. I couldn't believe it. She was very surprised to see me too, she never thought I'd show up at her house and see the real situation.

I learned a lesson, but I'd still rather take the chance and give what I can and be wrong, than not help someone in need.

Answer 3

Oh yes; over the last 35 years I've encountered similar situations dozens of times. I have learned to accept that it's not always possible to determine who is deserving or even grateful. However, I have also enountered many people who were not only grateful...even humble....but also were able to pay-it-forward later on. So, I try to be wise with my giving, I'll report fraud when I encounter it, and otherwise I keep giving despite those who take advantage.

Earlier today I read about one charity I support that has produced some wonderful results. The Measles Initiative recently reported large decreases in death rates from measles in Africa. This article made my day!

Answer 4

Nothing as big as what some of you have experienced...but there was one thing I heard several years ago that really made my skin crawl. It was around this time of year. Our area puts up what they call Angel Trees in the area malls for kids in need. There are "Angel" tags on the trees. You pick an Angel and buy everything that is on the tag for this one child(from clothing to bikes). It's wrapped and taken to a drop off point to be delivered to the child. I over heard one of the "recipients" blurt out "I hope I don't get one of those cheap Barbies, like last year". To this day, I get a bad feeling when I see the Angel Trees come out.

Answer 5

Yes and it is heartbreaking. Especially when you know there are so many needy that others would have appreciated the effort. At least we gave from the heart and it is no reflection on us that those people were heartless.
Being especially poor one year two of my girls gave up the little they would have received to adopt and angel off the Angel Tree at church. It was for children of women inprison and the gifts were to be given as if from the mother to the child. We found out my daughters friend had the child we picked living at her home. The girl asked for name brand items. She scoffed at what she received via the angel tree. She received a hundred fold what my girls got that year.
It was the one year we actually cried with sadness.
Needless to say my ex never had a decent Christmas and became sullen and drank more that time of year. He seemed to resent others having a good time.
This year his daughters have bought him a guitar. More than he ever got them in their lives. I'm proud they take after me...and they don't hold grudges either. I'm forgiving but not reached forgetting yet.

Answer 6

Just once, when I detoxed two teens in my home over Xmas because the detox centre was full and you cant tell them to come back later.

I knew their mother but not well, which is how I found out about these kids - she asked me to help them. I was glad to do it, picked them up at the bus station xmas eve.

They were both boys, both gay and both were being used to make porn movies in return for drugs - very sad, really nice kids.

But then the mother figured she was moving in with her other kids, and became really nasty and demanding and accused me of "trying to take her kids away from her" etc.

I had to tell her if she didnt leave I would get a restraining order against her and I WOULD see that her kids were all taken away from her.

I was never paid for the work I did with kids and I could barely feed my own kids and myself, and for this woman to think she was moving in for the holidays because she "lived too far out of the city", (in a big fancy house I might add) She wasnt hurting for money but never even offered to help pay for the food the two consumed while at my house.

I didnt begrudge the kids that but their mother was sure a piece of work. Found out she had also tried to pull off some welfare fraud among other things --

Still it was good for my kids to be involved in something like this, teaches them humanity, compassion and shows them what drugs can do --

It wasnt a bad detox, no seizures or anything like that - I wouldnt have taken them if they were on those kinds of drugs, and my dog did most of the work with them anyhow. He never left their side through the whole time they were there.

For the sake of the two boys I would so it again -- but the mother? Some people have a very high sense of entitlement

Silk I CANT believe it ! For family only? If it were me I would have packed up the meal and everything else and said "see ya, have a nice holiday" - and been out of there

MorganO made me realize I should have said that people have helped me and I am very very grateful. There are times I would not have made it through without help from others. Even just being here with all you great people, I was at the end of my rope when I found you and calling crisis lines only to discover they have all been shut down in BC with a recording saying "if you are thinking of commiting sucide go to your emergency room" I am sure that doesnt do many people any good -- but y'all have been a life saver for me.

Answer 7

As a RC volunteer, I experience it all the time, as does another senior member on this site.
The takers do get their just rewards somewhere down the line. It may take time, but it does happen.
You just shrug it off & reach out your hand again to the next person.
When it is personal, I have gotten in the same habit that I use in the RC. Shake head, shrug, & go.

Answer 8

yes i did 7 years ago i was better off financially than i am now,and i had a dear friend who was trying for her disability.she had been off work for 2 years and things were bad,me and the boyfriend WENT TO SEE her and she had no water and no electric and no food.well it was about 20 degrees and her house was about 10 degrees inside.well we took her under our wing and let her stay with us for about 2 months and never charged her a dime.well after 2 months she did get her disability money and moved back home.you know she got thousand s and thousand of dollars back and she never even offered us 1 red dime back.not even a home cooked meal.stuff like that really get to me and i didn't speak to her for a long time.but now we are friends and i have never forgot it,but i have learned to forgive her.she found no problem in furnishing her new double wide.i asked her for a small loan the other day and she said she couldn't help me,now that we are facing our utility problems.i guess i am a old bitter person but i try not to be.

Answer 9

Unfortunatly yes. My Dad was one who would give the shirt off his back to anyone and yet they'd still steal from him. I asked once why he never seemed to get mad. He said he gives because the giving makes him feel good.....the others will have to answer to someone alot more important that him for the rest. What goes around comes around.....eventually. Can't say I'm always comfortable with that because someone did challenge me once with the statement of, do you give in order to be appreciated? If so...then you aren't really giving because giving is with the expectation of nothing in return. Otherwise you are merely bartering. Made me have to take a look at myself as well.

Answer 10

That's why some people are where they are... because they're not grateful.

Everyone's had experiences in dealing with ungrateful people. There's a saying: "No good deed goes unpunished."

I bought a car for someone once because he was in dire need. He couldn't get a job because he didn't have a car. I purchased a car for him and made an arrangement for him to make small monthly payments to me. I can't tell you how aggravating that experience has been. Certainly one of the more regretful moments in my life.

There are people that you shouldn't help. Having said that, you still have to engage in giving and helping others, even if the recipient isn't grateful. It is what makes us who we are.