Are other husbands like this in the bedroom?

Question

I have been with my hubby for 4 1/2 yrs. We have a 2yr old son. I have a high sex drive. I feel frustrated because he turns sex with me down all of the time...not some but all of the time! I am lucky if I have sex 2 times a month! Seriously. He does not have erectile dysfuntion because when he is erect...which is alot of the time...i start to initiate sex or touch him...and he yells at me says get off of me! got to sleep karen! leave me alone. then i say why do u push me away? he says because u annoy me. then we get in an argument. see it makes me upset cuz he and his ex wife always had sex. as a matter of fact he was the one that always wanted sex ...with her...but why with me he doesn't ? it hurts me bad. it depresses me. he even says whats ur problem? i say i am depressed..i want to be intimate with you but u push me away and i want to be close to you and please you. he said the other day he wants to be the initiater and not me. so i say ok when ever u want sex from me then...

come to me...but see...that never happens. i end up waiting 2 weeks maybe a month and maybe then he wants oral sex...but not sex sex...i told him i have sexual needs...no not a vibrator...i feel everyone deserves love and affection and sexual contact...and no not with a plastic pee pee...i need the hugs kisses caresses ...i am depressed because of this...what would u people do in a situation like this??

oh and also i did not gain weight...i am 5ft 5 inches and 115 lbs... am thin and have lg breasts...so luke is wrong. i did not gain weight. i am attractive and have myself well groomed and clean and dresses nicely so why does he reject?

Answer 1

He might be going through some tough times with work etc. Sometimes stress can cause strange bedroom actions.

He also may think of sex as work. If he insists on pleasuring you sexually, he might think the whole thing is a lot of work and he is tired.

Try to sit back and see where things go. If he is the "pleasure you first" sort of guy, you might find a way to let him know that he does not always have to do that.

Another thing... how is his physical health? Is he in shape? Is he active? or does he have a job that has been putting pounds on him, and leaving him tired?

A lot of times, a good workout, and exercise program will increase the libido.

I know you said you are not interested in a "plastic pee pee", but he may enjoy using one on/with you. That could bridge the gap and get him rev'n

Answer 2

I have a high sex drive. I would like multiple times a day. My wife has a low sex drive, on a good month we have sex. I wish there were an answer. She never wants it and I can't make her want it. I am in good shape, I go to the gym so it isn't that I let myself go. If I am a bad lover she has never complained about anything, in fact when she IS in the mood asks for certain things to get her off. She always orgasms when we have sex first...in fact sometimes multiple times. She just has no interest. I have honestly lost interest because of her lack of interest in me. It has been 11 years of little sexual interest from her. I took her on a trip just the two of us for our 10th anniversary to Las Vegas, she wanted the trip. The only reason we had sex was because I made a comment that we hadn't had sex the whole time after spending extra money for a whirlpool tub overlooking the strip. All she did was sleep...for four days. Jet lag excuse got old. My point is that if one partner doesn't want it and isn't willing to compromise and see the other part of the way, there is no winning. He isn't meeting your needs and doesn't seem concerned abot doing so.

Answer 3

Hun this is only my opinion- but he may be cheating on you.
He is a healthy male he should want sex a lot more then that and you sound like you would have me after you all the time.
If i was your hubby i mean -lol. And since he gets a hard all the time hes showing desire for someone! You better keep a eye on this situation. And Hun- there's a lot of good men out there. Time will heal a heart so be strong and hang in there!
email me if you need to talk to someone-- good luck,
Daniel.

Answer 4

Has his desire for love making with you suddenly stopped or has it been a declining urge? 4 1/2 yrs is not a long time for sex to become ho hum. I hear alarm bells ringing here. Did he have children with his ex? Did that affect his sexual desire? Are work committmnets stressing him or any stresses in his life he's not usually dealing with that could be consuming his thoughts?
Maybe he feels intimidated by your confidance and desire for sex? Is he 'old school' attitude (chauvanistic) having the belief the man in a relationship should be the aggressor when it comes to sex? There's a few questions you should try to answer for yourself to try to work out whats going on with him. Is he affectionate in other ways? Has his behaviour/attitude towards you changed for no apparent reason? If you can sus whats going on with him and act accordingly, things may improve, otherwise you will have to find out from him whats going on. He certainly sounds like he is withdrawing from you and intimacy with you, and I totally understand why your feelings are hurt, but to be blunt it does sound like his thoughts are distracting him which is usually the 1st sign of an affair or loss of feelings for the other partner.
Getting into an argument over this is not good, things will only decline rapidly if you don't get to the bottom of this and start working on it. Best wishes.

Answer 5

Well from what I read it seems as though you need to just step back for a moment and look at the situation from his point ( only for a min.) He might have some unresolved issues with his ex which is causing him not to want to be intimate with you as much. You might want to try some other way to get him to notice you. Try wearing a seductive outfit and stroll in front of him. Or you could try sleeping in bed with only a slinky nightie on. Try and do stuff to make his motor start racing. But the more you push him the less he will want it. I know its hard but you can do this. Even try fixing your hair different. When he comes home have a romantic dinner waiting with some soft music in the back ground. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Oh boy.............................I am sorry that you are going thru this. I am married to a man who is older than me and we don't have any problems of this nature. He may have high blood pressure problems. He may need to see his doctor.........but not just for sex..........to save his life.

Great sex should not be the ultimate goal of a marriage. There are alot deeper, more lasting issues that keep people together to work on. However, I do know that a woman has needs. There have been a few times that I have had to say that to my husband, but with compassion and understanding that he is a person with needs to sleep from a tough days work or whatever, too.

Answer 7

Oh my god, this is a little of what I am going through, I have been with my boyfriend for a year & a half, at first it was great, now I am lucky if I get it also, it has been 4 weeks, yesterday morning he said he was horny, so I waited to see what he would do, he didn't want to please me at all, he just wanted to get him self of on me, so I just didn't let it happen, last night we had an arrgument, about it all, I told him once that I have never had an orgasam with him, , but I do enjoy having sex with him, so now he never touches me, he said he is afighed he will do it wrong, but he forgets, last time I gave him a B.J. he fell asleep, how the hell does that make me feel.....So your not on your own, join the club.....

Answer 8

If my man was turning me away a lot (all the time) I'd suspect him for cheating first of all. Especially given that I am not overweight either or smell bad. I take good care of myself and a man would be crazy not to want it. Men love the thrill of the hunt. Apparently he doesnt have to "hunt" you much. He can have you whenever he wants. Turn HIM down next time he wants it. Go without a while, if you can't then find someone else to do it with but don't "get involved" with them. Good Luck. I wouldn't put up with that 2 weeks!!

Answer 9

NBG, no we are not like your husband. See, I don't like the term having "sex" because it reminds me of one person getting what they want and that is it. Now, the term "making love" starts in the mind at the beginning of everyday. You are also trying to compare yourself to the ex and that is not good as well.

What you need to do is, sit him down and talk to him, not attack him about your feelings and what you both want in the making love department. Also, every now and then wear some nice and give him so eye candy to look out for. If you really want to blow his mind, give im a bj but not finish and walk off. Then whisper to him in his ear "there is more where that came from.

Your hubby feel like you are attacking him to get some. He feels he should be defensive in awkward position he is in. Try making love and not just having sex. Stop trying so hard to make it work, making love should come naturally.

Answer 10

Sounds like he has a problem. Any normal guy would want a woman with a high sex drive and wants to give oral. Do you think he is seeing someone on the side? I hope not, but it is a possibility. You've told him you have needs, if he doesn't satisfy you may need to look on the side yourself. Good luck. I would love to have a lady like you to come home to.